Creatures of heaven
by neverland300690
Summary: Everything I have ever learned in my lifetime leads back to this: To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to holdit against your bones knowing your own life depends on it... and, when the time comes to let it go.
1. Epilogue

**Creatures of heaven**

Vitae summa brevis spem nos vetat incohare longham  
_'The brief sum of life forbids us the hope of enduring long' __**Horace**_

**Epilogue**

Well my love, I'm trying to make sense of things. Of how everything was before and where I stand today.

I have always believed that our first duty is to ourselves. That there is no other way to live life but to the full, to the extreme, sucking the marrow out of every living experience, never to wonder, when my time was up, if there was a shiver I missed or a sensation that escaped me. But I have also been haunted by another conviction: that time is running out, and that my end was always lying in wait, never too far from the next step I took.

I realize now that in the mutual grip of these convictions, I seem to have charged through my live in a kind of panic. And looking back, between the ruins of myself and the destruction I've left behind, I cannot say that I have achieved anything of worth in my life beyond our friendship…

And then one day I woke, and found the world burning and myself lost to the ruins of it. I had lost the people I most cared about in the mire of my own madness. But I am grateful to the pain that caused me, because only then did I begin to realize that I could not live in a world so drenched in blood and swallowed by war. I could not fight in it alone, I could not live only for myself.

You used to tell me that some things are meant to be. That you can know that you are meant to be friends with someone from the first time you look into their eyes. It's like perfection, you used to say, you _feel_ it happening. It may take a while to get there, but in the end, it will be magic. The kind of magic that is real and out in the world by itself, not like the one we create with wands.

Whenever you spoke this way to me, I always stayed silent. You spoke words that I would have never been able to come up with, and then complained of my sobriety around you because of my silences. But what could I possibly say to you then? Could I have told you that, had anyone else said those words to me, I would have taunted them to death for it? Because on anyone's lips, those thoughts that you so carefully phrased would have sounded ridiculous, fallacious.

But when you spoke them, even I believed you. I wanted to so desperately. Because you were the only one that could make me believe in something as abstract as unconditional love. I never really believed… but whenever you looked at me with a smile, I would feel that predestination you spoke of: the touch of destiny that put us together.

You live of a life that is all your own and that always was the thing that I most admired of you. Because you were able to do something that I never knew how: you shone brighter in the places your soul had broken. How you were so much more beautiful in those places and I loved you all the more for them, because it was you whom I was loving. And when the darkness came for me, you were the only one that was always there. Always. It was to you I held on to and it was because of you that I never broke completely. I know that now.

You were right all along my love, we were always meant to be friends. Meant to be whatever we wanted to be. You were the only one that were able to put this feeling in my heart . The only one that made me dream. Please believe me when I say that I regret nothing. Even when near the end being with you was more painful than anything else, I woke up every day and I didn't wish for anything different. In time, I couldn't conceive of waking up and you not being there.

I've always told you that I am in love with you, you have always known. I believe in this feeling in a way that I had never believed in anything before in my is the strangest kind of knowledge: so clear and simple, so self-evident in its truthfulness that in the midst of my chaotic and violent life, it seems misplaced, as if it belongs to someone else. I'm sure you know, I never expected to fall in love with you - and not because you are a woman and so am I. After all, I knew nothing of love, so the idea that a woman could fall in love with another woman was as dispassionate to me as heterosexual love.

I simply never expected to be capable of love. I never believed I had enough heart for it. But then I would have nightmares in the middle of the night and you would crawl in my bed even though I'd tell you to leave me alone, you never left. In those moments I knew that whatever love was, this had to be it.

I do love you. I love you because you never took me for granted. You trusted me when nobody else would dare. You are the bravest person I will ever meet. Brave because you loved me for what I was: ugly and with a contorted soul, but yours, always.

I know that you knew of how I felt for you the moment I started feeling it. I remember you telling me that I knew so little about friendship and love that I couldn't understand the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I am able to smile at the memory now, even at how I was so angry at you for saying that. I thought you doubted my feelings, that you didn't understand me at all… We never did agree on much, did we my darling?

But none of that ever mattered you see, it never really did, because that difference between loving and being in love meant nothing to me. And I think… I think that whenever you thought of me, it never meant anything to you either. I know that you love me. Your love for me is perhaps different from mine for you, but as we both know, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

I know that there is a piece of your heart that will always belong to me… that that makes me unafraid. I am never alone because of you. I am never cold, nor sorrowful, because your heart is with me, it is in my heart.

So think of me, never forget how much we loved and all the times we laughed. And when you miss me, cry for me. And whenever you wish I was there with you, send me love and light… and then let me go.

_Disclaimer__: Some turns of phrase that i used, like 'well, my love, I'm trying to make sense of things', 'But I have also been haunted by another conviction' and 'I have always believed that our first duty is to ourselves' are from the movie _'Head in the clouds'_, and not mine.  
And of course: _'a rose by any other name'_, we all kow that that one is not mine either but Mr Shakespeare's ... :)_


	2. Chapter 1 - Epitaph of the murderer

**Creatures of heaven**

_**Chapter 1**__ – __Epitaph of the murderer_

_They are not long, the weeping and the laughter  
__Love and desire and hate.  
__I think they have no portion in us after  
__We pass the gate  
__They are not long, the days of wine and roses:  
__Out of a misty dream  
__Our path emerges for a while, then closes  
__Within a dream.  
- Ernest Dowson_

_23 September 1981  
Malfoy Manor  
__Wiltshire__, __England_

The manor was an impassable fortress. The perimeter was reinforced with the kind of charms that would probably make even Dumbledore think twice about trying to breach them. _Especially_ Dumbledore, now that she thought about it, since he was more sensitive to magic than the best sneakoscope to lies. But it didn't take the old geniuses' miracle-like skill for sensing magic to feel the strength of the spells around this place. Even someone whose magic skill was modest – like the woman currently hiding behind the high bushes - could feel the reverberations of the power. It was like a heat-wave on her face. It made her skin prickle and gave her shivers.

On the other hand, that could be her nerves playing last-moment-tricks on her. She could not really tell if she was scared or not at this point. Couldn't say whether the little twitching of her limbs was due to anxiety or fear. But the possibility of it being from fear was thin: she had stopped being afraid of death long ago. After all, the way she saw it, fear was a matter of willpower - like everything else. And her mind was made up tight: there was no going back now and therefore, no reason to fear anything.

There never had been, not really. She had crossed the line of no return a long time ago, when she decided which side she was going to take.

In retrospect, perhaps even before that.

For a brief moment, just for a heartbeat, she spared a thought to the feeble goodbye letter that she had written not one hour ago. She knew that it was not going to suffice, that she could never do anything to atone for the harm she was going to do now to those she loved most. There was no forgiveness for people like her, no redeeming her sins... There was no honor in what she was about to do, nobody would praise her for this, nobody would be happy for it. People would mourn this day, curse her name and cry for the ones her treason here and now would surely kill at a later time… But they would be alive. All those that would hate her would be _breathing_. She would give them the chance to live… even though she knew that they would live to hate her.

She owed the world that much, after all she had taken from it.

No matter what horrifying deeds she had done, no matter how cursed her existence had been, she knew that she had never been without purpose. Through blood and pain she had always found her purpose, her guidance. Some times she had been wrong and others right, but she had never been a loose cannon, a meat grinder with no sense. She had _always_ had a motive. This time was no exception.

After all, it wasn't such a bad way to die, or such a bad thing to do. She was not the monster. She was simply the product of monstrous times. And this world needed people like her in it. Needed them to do the things other people couldn't do - things other people shouldn't be made to do…

So she took a deep breath and as she slowly released the air from her lungs, likewise she let go of every single emotion in her, quieting down her thoughts and sharpening her senses. Her emotions were locked somewhere she couldn't hear of feel them, where they wouldn't bother her concentration. It was an amazing quiet in her head: there was only the buzz of adrenaline and the quiet pumping of her heart. She was good at this. Years of training and warfare had taught her the ways of the assassin better than her military background ever could.

And she would need all of her skill tonight because her plan was not perfect and she knew it. It had too many loopholes, too much had been left to chance, too little could send it all to hell in a hand-basket. It would be so easy to die here tonight without delivering her message. Ironic that this was probably the most important operation she had ever been in and she - a perfectionist and control freak - was unprepared for it.

But despite everything, in her characteristic stubbornness, she refused to consider failure among her options. Even if she had to scream what she had to say until a Death Eater heard, she would do it. Begging to be heard was a last resort, but if it came to that, she wouldn't hesitate. No room for pride here, even thought it stung as hell to admit it. That bullshit was way done with though. She had a goal to reach and she would stop at nothing to accomplish it.

She wouldn't beg for her life though. That she would _never_ do. She could deal with dying as a traitor... but never as a coward. Maybe for most people that was the same thing, but to her – as she stood there in the bushes waiting to betray all that she had fought for all these years - there was a _universe_ of difference.

She repositioned her feet on the ground, listening, breathing in and out slowly, tensing her muscles for the action that was to come. She didn't let herself get focused on the finer details of this madness, but instead only focused on the goal, on the paramount importance of it, on how much depended on it.

Too many lived were at stake.

Deep breaths…

Getting near to the property was not difficult – it wasn't like they were trying to hide - on the contrary. It was getting _in_ and surviving long enough inside it that could prove to be a little… problematic.

Despite all her courage and resolve, the intruder still hoped as hell that Bellatrix wasn't in there. That crazy thundercunt was one big-ass complication the intruder _really_ didn't want to deal with.

The problem with dear Bella was thorny, since not only was the bitch violent and sadistic as fuck, but she also held a very deep, very delicious hatred for the woman that was now crouched in the bushes, waiting to break into the manor. Which would make torture hot like pie for Bellatrix – and a French kiss with Satan and all his fangs for the other woman.

At the thought, a small shiver went down the intruder's spine. She had always feared pain, even though she had tasted it so frequently that her endurance levels had changed, normal injuries meaning little to her nervous system. Tell that to her frontal lobe though…

Next problem: the guards. While most were stupid as fuck, they could be dangerous if they felt cornered. And being killed too soon by a novice with a loose hold on his wand was _not_ an option. She could go through them like the plague of course, but slitting a few throats as she made and entrance _might _give the wrong impression about her intentions.

So… to kill or not to kill, that was the question.

But as she passed her hand to check she had both daggers still strapped to her upper-thighs, she knew that it wasn't really an issue. She couldn't take unnecessary risks and if that meant taking a few more lives, then so be it. She was going to hell anyway, might as well make it thorough. And besides… less Death Eaters out there, the better it would be.

Last, but alas not least, there was the very delicate matter of the ground-guarding beasts. Getting pounced on by Grayback would be… _distasteful_ indeed. It was not full moon – which was why she had carefully chosen tonight to pay her visit - so he would be in his human dress, therefore jabbing a dagger through his skull would be much easier that way.

The intruder couldn't help a smirk and suddenly the weight of the machete that rested safely in its holster strapped to her back was comforting. She had been waiting a long time to kill that animal and if she succeeded in snapping his neck tonight, well, that would be one of the few perks of this mission. She had left a few nice-looking set of scars on his ass-of-a-face before, maybe this time she'd get lucky and actually pierce his heart. She could actually find out if there _was _a heart beating within that chest or not and then she and Sirius would settle that bet they'd made a while ago.

But first things first: How do you get inside the most well protected territory in all England?

Well, if one was to want to get inside someone's house, one got in through the front door, of course. Preferably by knocking. Though foreplay is always welcome and makes things much more easy.

She smirked. The golden rules of sex applied in life as well, thank God.

OoOoOoO

The explosion seemed to shake the foundations of the earth, but she knew it was all bark and no bite… almost. It blew the elegant front gate of the Malfoy mansion to the wind though, leaving a considerably big gab where said gate had been, along with a handsome hole in the intricately decorated wall. Which was only an improvement as far as she was concerned.

The intruder waited for the cloud of smoke to clear before stepping out of her hiding point, standing very still, listening. Her hand was millimeters away from the dagger strapped at her right thigh. The feel of the large machete on her back calmed her nerves. She was motionless, coiled, her muscles ready to snap in action.

"Anybody home?" She said softly, unable to contain her smirk despite how fast her heart was beating, wolfish eyes narrowing through the thinning smoke to gather the presence of at least 6 other wizards, all with wands pointed her different parts of her body, though she could bet most of them were pointed at her chest and head.

It was now or never…

She pressed the button of the small detonator in her hand at the same time as she reached for the dagger on her thigh. The ground shook with the force of the multiple the explosions she had wired before, shaking the cloaked wizards from their feet as they tried to take cover and not lose her out of their sights at the same time. But the cloud of smoke around them became so thick that they couldn't see their outstretched wands before them. The more they tried to dispel it, the thicker and persistent the smoke became.

But they could hear very well though, and they heard the yelps of each other as one after another they fell to the ground. Soundlessly, the intruder had cut through them, one after the other, her vision undamaged thanks to her goggles. Just as soundlessly she came behind the last one standing, which was difficult because he kept turning into himself, and rested the blade of her dagger on his exposed throat, right over his wildly beating pulse. She heard the man inhale sharply and stop his movements.

"I would like to be invited in if you don't mind." She breathed close to his ear. "I have something for your Lord, something he has been looking for, for a very long time."

She let him go then, but not before knocking off his wand, just as the smoke began to clear and she found herself quickly surrounded anew. She pushed her captive in the direction of the newcomers, saw him sputter something to them. The one leading the group raised his wand and she knew what was coming next.

She didn't fight it.

The pain gripped her like vice and she fell on her knees, clutching at the ground and trying not to scream. Loosing eye contact with the enemy is never a good thing, but in that moment strategic thinking was the farthest thing from her mind - as were all other thoughts except for the one that kept articulating the desire to kill something. She clutched to her anger desperately. That was the only thing that kept her from losing it during torture.

When the pain relieved, she knew that there was no better feeling than the one in one's body as it felt nothing. She gasped for air and realized that she'd been was bound, and that she was no longer outside. Her gaze met the one of the person closest to her… and she had to admit to herself that she was a little taken aback.

She'd heard a rumor that he had joined the Death Eaters and if said rumor came from the mouth of Sirius Black than it was as good as written on stone. So it didn't surprise her that much to see him here.

What surprised her was how much Sirius and his little brother looked alike now that little Reggie was all grown. He was almost a man… Almost…

"My my, what do we have here? A _McKinnon_ in the flesh… I thought you were all extinct." He was so close to her face and she wanted nothing more than to bite that smirk off his lips.

"We found your body along with the ones of the rest of your family… so how come you're still alive?" Regulus went on slowly. She knew he was trying to provoke her, so she concentrated on him instead of giving release to the burning turmoil in her breast.

"It's not the first time a corpse has lied, Black." She hissed low, trying her best to smirk at him. They had failed to kill her so many times.

Regulus's smirk died on his lips. "No, it's not. Tell me, how many times do we have to kill you? Just a ballpark figure."

Regulus watched those lips stretch in a smirk worthy of the sourest milk.

"How is your friend Avery, Regulus? Found his body yet?" She watched as his young face paled and then distorted with anger. She neared her face even closer to his as her smirk widened. "There isn't much to find anyway. I chopped the motherfucker up like a beast that he was."

His expression wavered and for a moment she watched as fear and disgust danced in his grey eyes. So lowered her voice and widened her smirk. She enjoyed twisting the blade in the wound.

"Do you want to know his last words?" she asked with a whisper.

The slap that connected with her cheek was nothing but a tingle. It was the hit of a boy who had never before slapped anyone. The hit of a wizard that used magic to make others feel pain. She hated that about magic: it made you lazy. Few wizards knew that true pain is the one that you make with your own hands, slowly… as the knife does away the flesh.

She snickered. "Oh honey, you hit like a ten year old girl."

But Regulus was not there anymore. He had been replaced by someone else. This one that the characteristic bone mask over his eyes, but Marlene would know that scarred chin anywhere. She had been the one to put that piece of work there! Frankly, Marlene thought of it as an improvement.

"You killed our guards McKinnon." The Death Eater deadpanned. Marlene smirked as her eyes shined with malice.

"I'm sure there's plenty more where they came from, Nott." His wand dug in her throat making it hard to swallow.

"Give me one reason not to kill you now, bloodtraitor." He hissed through gritted teeth.

"Your Lord wouldn't be happy if you robbed him of that pleasure."

The last thing she saw before the pain picked up was his scowl. It came over her on and off, and she knew that the people in the room were taking turns at doing this. At doing her. Ah, they must be enjoying this so… After all, she had been a royal pain in their ass for a long time now. If it hurt now, she could only imagine how bad it was going to get when Bellatrix Black showed up… or was it some other surname now? Hadn't dearest Bella married to someone? She remembered Sirius' scowl as he mentioned something like that…

_Oh nonono… please…don't let me lose it so soon…_

She didn't know who she was talking to, but she had been doing that more and more lately. Marlene shook her head to clear it, but it hurt more and made her stomach rise to her throat. She was losing focus. She gulped and put a conscious effort to collect her thoughts and have a firm grip on them. It was too early to lose her mind, she could not afford that.

She tried to move and realized that ropes were no longer binding her, but she was chained to a wall. A pair of thick cuffs were holding each of her wrists fast, biting at her flesh, making her wrist bleed, both connected to a chain and bolded in the wall against which she was leaning. Her binds had been the only thing keeping her up, since her knees had failed. She tried to straighten her posture, but it seemed that her legs and brain were having a bit of a communication problem. But she wasn't even trying that hard because she was busy trying to convince her stomach that dry heaves were not such a hot idea at the moment.

Her jaw was picked up and she opened her eyes to see that the nose of the only female Death Eater she knew was inches from her own, a smirk playing on them. Bellatrix was here. That meant that Voldemort either knew that she had been captured, or he was going to know very shortly.

Good.

"Marlene, darlilng, you ruined my sister's front gate. That was rude." Bellatrix spoke softly. Marlene tried to smirk, honestly not knowing if she made it or not. She couldn't feel much of her face. Bellatrix pushed a few strands of Marlene's hair off her face using the tip of her wand. Then she rested the thing under Marlene's eye and smiled pleasantly.

"What was so important that you had to make such a grand entrance?" Bellatrix's voice was calm, almost as if she was making a nice conversation, but Marlene knew better. There was nothing nice about Bellatrix, the bitch was rabid.

"I have… something… for your Lord. Something … that he … wants…" Marlene would have liked not to have to catch her breath that often, but her body wasn't agreeing with her for the moment. The numbing was starting to fade from the tips of her fingers though. Soon she would be able to feel again… and Marlene wasn't quite sure that it was a good thing. Still, she had known from the start that she wouldn't be able to avoid it. Pain was the host of this party; it was bound to make a show again.

Marlene was contemplating what to say to make them take her to Voldermort when she felt the sting at the side of her head. She knew the feeling all too well to mistake it for something else. She would have liked to laugh in Bellatrix's face, but it only came out as a snort.

"It's very naïve of you … to think you can poke inside my head… without my permission… and in such a graceless fashion too." Marlene lifted her head as if the thing weighted 10 thousand pounds and looked in the beautiful woman's heavy-lidded eyes, hoping that her hate shined through her. She actually managed to speak without interrupting herself this time. "There isn't a single thing that you will learn from me unless I want you to, so I suggest you take me to your Lord."

Bellatrix's face started to contort. "You are not worthy to stand in his presence, you _filthy bloodtraitor_!"

Marlene gave herself a mental pat on the back as she saw the woman get enraged and heard her voice rise with every word. She had always been considered insane by her comrades for this, but she just _loved_ to get Bella all worked up. It brought up the ugliness inside the woman very nicely, turned into the monster that she really was under all the perfect bone structure of her splendid face.

"That's not what I heard… Did you know that he… personally offered me… a place by his side?"

Bellatrix's face smothered out and she gave a little smirk.

"The Dark Lord can make use of everyone's skill. Even if yours consists in only spreading your legs for all who are willing." The other men in the room chuckled at Bellatrix's words, and Marlene smiled again, but there was a ring of alarm on the back of her head. She hadn't noticed there were others in there. She was weakening too fast.

"If that's what he was thinking… than it makes sense… since the spot he offered… was yours." She didn't hear the rage-filled scream that followed, because her body contracted at the gust of pain that crushed on her like nothing ever had before. She could almost taste the hate in the spell. When it relented, Marlene coughed blood, but her own anger made her lucid much quicker than before. Ah, anger… man's best friend…

"Jealous… much?" she snorted and as her torturer lifted her wand high to sent another hit her way, Marlene added quickly, trying to hide the hysteria and make it sound like a threat. "Your master doesn't like damaged goods Bella… So have a care."

Bellatrix almost snapped at the finality in the other woman's voice but Marlene McKinnon was right and they both knew it, as well as everyone in the room. No matter how strong the McKinnon was, there was only so much that a human body could hold against Bellatrix's Crucio.

Bellatrix scoffed and in response she took a knife out of her cloak and approached Marlene with it in her hand.

"Such a pretty face… I especially like your eyes." Bella said playfully as she fiddled with the blade.

Marlene knew what was coming and even thought she told herself to calm down, she couldn't. Bellatrix was going to gauche her eyes out, she was sure. Her breathing picked up. If she had the strength she would be hyperventilating. She wished she was as good as Bear in enduring pain… but she wasn't. She hated pain…

"Bella, she belongs to the Dark Lord." A deep voice said, but Bellatrix only smiled at that.

"If she dies from blood loss, he _will_ punish us."

For the first time since Marlene had known her, she saw Bellatrix Black hesitate. Then Bellatrix rolled her eyes like a child being denied candy and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"Process her." Bellatrix said offhandedly as she hid the knife under the folds of her cloak again and turned to leave the room.

Marlene had never been more grateful for the fear that Voldemort sparked even in his closest followers. Now, all she had to do is figure out how painful this '_processing'_ thing was going to be. As a hooded figure approached her, she caught the whiff of death on him. Big hands picked her up and held her up by the throat as they groped around her for anything that could be a potential weapon. Had it been anyone else, they would have been robbed of their wand and that would have been it, but Marlene McKinnon had a reputation preceding her. She was stripped to her underwear and the Death Eater had had frisked her even checked in her hair.

Then she was left alone in the dark.

When she heard footsteps again, she really had no idea how much time she had been alone. She was sure that she was being kept in some kind of dungeon – there were no windows anywhere in view and it was very cold.

Voices sounded from outside her cell.

"Is she clean?" a gruff voice asked and got a grunt in response.

"Leave us."

She knew that voice. At the cloaked figure opened the dungeon door and stepped towards her, the faint candlelight from behind him illuminated his features and Marlene knew in that moment what was going to happen.

She looked in his black eyes and smirked, anticipating, savoring the moment. Ah… the Death Eaters wouldn't be the only ones to have some fun tonight.

oOoOoOo

Bellatrix opened the heavy door of the dungeon with a barely noticeable flick of her wand. It was dark in there, even more so than in the halls and she hated going down there because of the stench of sweat and decomposition that oozed off the walls. But she had a job to do and considering who she was supposed to take care of, she trusted nobody but herself to do it.

Bellatrix entered the cell and saw her captive, standing up in wobbling legs but wearing an arrogant smirk on her face… The McKinnon's jaw was covered in blood, as if she had been drinking some. Not too far from her feet was the unmoving outline of a body.

Bellatrix shined the light of her wand on it, barely glancing at it as she moved. The front of his robes was blooded, his bottom lip missing as if it had been ripped off, his neck visibly broken. Bella scoffed at his appearance. He had been killed by a woman unable to use her hands or her magic. His stupidity and male arrogance had been weapon enough for Marlene McKinnon.

'_Never send a man to do a woman's job.' _Bellatrix thought as she sidestepped the body and pointed her wand at the captive.

The cuffs at her wrist opened, but Marlene was a puppet in Bellatrix's hands. A black cloak wrapped itself around her from thin air and she found her legs moving against her will and started to walk in front of Bellatrix and out of the dungeon. It was not the Imperius, because Marlene noticed she still had full control of her mind – it was something else. Marlene couldn't control it when her eyes closed, nor could she know how she got in that room when she opened them again.

It wasn't long before Marlene could open her lids and she saw that she was in the middle of a half circle of hooded men. Standing a few feet away in front of the fire was a tall and lean figure. The fire was the only source of light, but Marlene didn't need to see _his face_ to know who that was. Marlene felt so close to her end that her limbs almost sagged with what was either bone-chilling fear or the deepest relief. From the way her heartbeat quieted, Marlene knew that she was truly relieved, and only for a moment, she astounded herself with her own calmness.

But she also knew that she was only relieved to know that she was a little closer to her goal. Relieved that she would get to speak to him personally. Down there in the darkness of the dungeons, she had almost lost her hope that she was ever going to see Voldemort at all. But she was here now. Which was a strange thing to be relieved about, but it was not the strangest thing Marlene had ever done either.

"Marlene McKinnon… Your reputation presides you." The voice came almost as if it was disembodied, as if he were all around her. The fact that being here in front of him was part of her plan didn't lessen the shiver that ran down her spine. Her heart picked up and Marlene clenched her fists. She was standing in the same room with the same _thing_ that had killed almost all the people she had held dear. Her fear battled with her anger… both were tightly in control, but as always, she held on to her anger as if it were a lifeboat. She didn't want to give him the pleasure of seeing her bend before him.

"Your traitorous father is well known among us. Such a shame that he died."

The chuckles around her made her grind her teeth. And there it was: Anger shoved Fear away in some dark corner of her mind and slammed the door in its face.

"My father didn't _die_. You killed him." She whispered and the chuckles picked up a little more.

"Why, yes. I did."

He finally turned and her eyes involuntarily searched for his. All those ridiculous rumors that went around - like the one that he could Crucio a man to death by just looking at him – she had always made fun of the people that believed them. But as fire met ice and their gazes connected and held, she knew she had been right in her estimation of where the rumors came from: He was not human… he couldn't be… But then her brain decided to make an appearance and reminded her that she had seen him bleed with her own eyes, and she knew for a fact that anything that bleeds can be killed.

He may not be human, but he was mortal. The knowledge was remotely reassuring.

Some kind of emotion or calculation flickered in his red eyes and Marlene saw him start closing the distance that separated them while taking his wand out. Marlene tensed all over but didn't flinch.

Her resoluteness had a contradictory effect on Voldemort.

It had been a long time since someone had looked at him without panic in their eyes, it was almost insulting that this _child_ dared to do such a thing. Admirable as her audacity was, it irritated him. The only reason he tolerated her defiance and allowed her to look at him in the eye was because her status as a pureblood gave her the right to at least look upon the Lord that would bring about her death.

But despite the lengths she went to hide herself from him, the spark of fear was there in her wolfish eyes, and that brought him satisfaction. She knew her rightful place: beneath him. But what was a little more curious was the burning flicker of anger in her, the hared. Few could battle the terror he infused in them to allow for that burning feeling to come out. And her hatred burned in her eyes stronger than her fear – it caught his attention.

Voldemort didn't let her break the connection with his eyes as he poked through her memories. She didn't even attempt to resist his invasion… but there were too many closed doors in her head. Doors that led to names and locations that he fervently wanted to get his hands on. He would break those doors down one by one if he had to, and he was already starting when something else in her head caught his attention so sharply he almost suffered a whiplash.

Marlene saw those hellish red eyes widen a fraction and shine in the dark as he broke his subtle Leggimency. He moved even closer to her. She didn't see his wand or his lips move, but his voice came soft and smooth in her head, almost soothing.

"_Where are they?"_

She suddenly felt so very light as everything unpleasant about the situation faded away. The pain, the hopelessness and utter despair that had lead her to this point were simply _gone_… Her head swam in a peaceful state of limbo. Oh this was lovely, it truly was. The bliss of nothingness, the balm of forgetfulness was such a blessing. The quiet… she loved the quiet here.

Somewhere in a back corner of her mind, a voice that wasn't hers told her that she was flirting with disaster by surrendering to this feeling. In a whisper it warned her… but she was too numb to really understand.

"_Tell me… tell me where they are hiding…" _

This time, when she heard that whispery voice inside her head, it made her uncomfortable. That whisper had been much too close for comfort. It was as if he was inside her, trying to trap her into telling him. The thought that he could lull her, seduce her into telling him was revolting; it almost made her stomach turn.

Marlene involuntarily fought against him, forgetting what she had come here to do in the first place. She wanted to push him out of herself but she wasn't strong enough to do it. Her body was his, her mind under his control because it was too drugged on that strange calmness and numbness that had taken over her. She was under his power now, fully and she knew it, felt it.

Marlene had never been possessed before, but it was such a singular feeling that you couldn't mistake it for another. It was comparable to the one you have between sleep and awakening, when you can't tell the difference between dreams and reality and can't remember who you are, where or why.

"_Tell me… and I'll make your pain go away. Tell me… and I'll destroy everything that hurts you…"_

Marlene wanted to comply. There was the taste of truth in those whispered words, and the pain and rage inside her rattled, demanding the revenge that was being offered. Why deny him, why keep fighting? This world and all the madness in it, she hated it, despised everything about it. Let this wretched world have the ruler it deserved – a monster.

Marlene was going to do it, she was going to give him what he wanted. She could really no longer remember why she shouldn't… but as she searched her numb brain for the answer to his question, as she processed what he _really_ wanted, a strange feeling came over her - something that pierced that sedated quiet she was submerged in, clenched at her heart, shook the very foundations of the calmness that had come over her.

Marlene remembered. She remembered that this was not the way it was supposed to happen, she remembered that he had a plan even though she couldn't recall what it was. She remembered the bright smile and the loud throaty laugh of the friend she was about to kill… even though she couldn't recall who. But it was enough: the mere ghost of that memory ripped open the silence in her head, as if a scream had slashed through it. The clarity was painful, her chest felt like it was burning from inside out. She couldn't breathe, _that_ was how much she loved, how much she missed… Her dimmed brain couldn't prevent the tears coming out of her eyes in unstoppable streaks as a powerful longing came over her, pulling her insides apart in a kind of pain that no physical wound could cause…

Marlene gasped as reality filtered in her body and mind again, bringing the pain of her body on her like a ton of bricks, even sharper than before. She realized what had happened before she had time to take a full deep breath: The possession had been broken.

Marlene closed her eyes and spared a thank you that was whispered in her thoughts without a clear recipient.

But she knew, she just _knew_ that Voldemort hadn't stopped voluntary. He had been wrenched from her violently, as if sucked out of her head – which now throbbed even more violently than before and she could hardly see straight. The room kept spinning. Marlene almost toppled over, coughing up blood, almost choking in it. Voldemort had been wretched out of her so violently that it had felt like being torn part inside. But despite the numbing pain, she was grateful that it had stopped so abruptly. If she was going to do this - and she _was_ - she was going to do it because she had _chosen_ to, not because he seduced her with the promises of violence and revenge.

Sure Marlene wanted revenge… revenge on Voldemort, on his followers. She wanted to stain the earth with their blood and dismember their cadavers, throw their rooting flesh to the pigs. And then she'd proceed on cutting open Dumbledore himself and a few other from his side of the fence who deserved it just as much as Voldemort did. The rage inside her was insurmountable, her hatred burned brighter than any sun, her pain as smoldering as the fires of the deepest hell. She wanted revenge on the world, on _god_ himself…

But life had to come before violence, it had to be more important than death. The future couldn't be for the damned, it had to be cleared for those that would live in it. And if there was one thing Marlene wanted more than to rage her anger on those that had destroyed her life, it was to make sure that nobody after her would suffer the same fate…

She would not submit to any empty promises. She would do this on her own terms…In some part of her, even under possession, she had remembered that. She had remembered why she was here.

Her triumph lasted just a second as a new wave of pain came for her and she felt like she was being burned alive, even if there was no sign of fire anywhere near her.

"I don't know where they are hiding…" She said out of gritted teeth against the rising temperature, trying not to scream, but failing. How could they ever had hoped to overcome this creature? She gasped for air.

"… but I can… I can give you… the one who does…" she spat out and almost bit her tongue off as she tried to articulate it. The heat went away and she whimpered in relief and fell on her knees and then face first on the floor. Her pride was gone, stripped away and again she realized that pain must be the strongest emotion in existence. Pain and the desire to have it stop.

Before she could gather enough strength to move a muscle, her body was picked up and she found herself face to face with him. As a child she used to think that staring in the face of death was supposed to have some effect, illuminate one of one's mistakes, make some strange epiphany known and give some sense to life and death itself. But now, as she looked in those red eyes, she found herself terribly lacking something. There was no illumination, no epiphany. Only a strange stillness. She felt like she was staring at the finish line of a race, one that she couldn't wait to leave behind.

Voldemort made himself known inside her head with a hiss - one that most certainly didn't belong there.

"_Speak."_

She gulped and had the urge to smile, but her muscles had given her the finger at that point. But she knew that this was her turn to lay the terms and that there would be no second chance.

"I'm afraid that you're going to have to give me something first…"

She felt his anger in the way the bones of her left knee crushed. The horrifying crushing sound was something that she didn't hear, because it was drowned by her cream. The veins in her neck almost popped by the difficulty she was having at the simple act of breathing.

"_Speak his name."_

"_!_ I didn't come here to die for _nothing_!" She screamed in altogether pure despair. Then, just as it came, the pain faded away and she even felt a soothing freshness in her previously scorching skin. Her body felt as good as new, but the game hadn't been played all on her skin. She felt exhausted and wanted it to be over already.

"What didn't you come here for then?" this time his hissing voice was not in her head, but across from her, very much real. It was calm and perfectly soothing, maybe trying to induce a sense of security in her, that he would listen and would be compliant. The fact that he thought he could create that kind of illusion around her, when she had seen and felt _exactly_how soulless he was, was insulting. But the good thing was that there was nothing to distract her from her goal.

"I came here… to offer you a trade." She said and looked up in his face. She didn't want to look him in the eyes and was firmly bracing her mind against his or any intrusion. She was now calm, because she was nearer to the end than ever before.

"I give you the one that will lead you to the Potters… and you spare my life and the life of my men." She said evenly. She knew how fervently he wanted to get his claws on the Potters, it was an opportunity that he couldn't pass over. She saw his yes spark as he looked into hers, trying to detect where the catch was in this offer. She let him look all he wanted, because there was no catch that he would ever be able to understand.

"My Lord, may I speak?"

Marlene knew that voice very well. She didn't need to see the unwashed hair to know who was under that mask. Voldemort looked away from her for a few moments and then opened his thin mouth.

"You may."

"This girl is one of Lily Evans's closest friends. I have seen them with my own eyes risking their lives for each other. She is not to be trusted." Snape spoke in a low voice, each word making Marlene's skin crawl with disgust as if a bug had crawled on it.

"So you are suggesting that this is all a trap." Voldemort said after a while, with enough humor in his voice to be dangerous.

"My Lord…I am merely stating what information I know, to make a use of myself for you." Snape spoke just as evenly, as he bowed his head and Marlene saw the contented smirk on Voldemort's nonexistent lips.

"So, my darling." He suddenly said as he turned to fix his fire eyes on Marlene. "What do you make of this new revelation?"

Marlene stared back. "I would like to see my men here. I will give them a portkey arranged to transport them to a safe location of my choosing. Then, I _will_give you what you want… I am ready to make an unbreakable vow over it…"

The way he looked at her, so amused it scared her for the first time since she had seen him. What now? What was he thinking? What would he do? Would he refuse to let her squad go? Strategically, the info she promised would be worth it and he knew that she was telling the truth… but what if he didn't believe her anyway?

"Bring them up."

Marlene could swear that she felt her insides liquefy as she heard those words. She let out a breath she had been holding. Three Death Eater broke the semi circle.

"Now, for your part of the bargain, Marlene." She hated the way her name rolled in his mouth. He spoke it sweetly with the kind of softness that was as sure as the prelude to death and a smile that made the hair on the back of her head stand. Had she not known it before, this tone would have told her that she would be very dead soon. She said nothing but extended her hand to him.

"Forgive me, but you have killed enough men to make me doubt your word." She had expected to feel his rage then, but it never came. Instead, a wider smile was playing on his thin lips.

"And what would you like me to swear on?"

She swallowed her agitation at this new turn of events. "That you agree to my terms… That you let them go unharmed."

"Very well." He said and he grabbed her forearm. In turn, she grabbed his, just as her six friends entered the room. She saw the way they were beaten and blooded, but by the surprise and alarm in their faces, she understood that they were mentally sane. Bear froze when he saw what she was doing, his eyes wide as saucers.

"Marlene…" His whisper carried to her, but she turned to face Him and that frightening smile of his that was supposed to reassure her. A hooded figure with pale blond hair was by their side, as the testimony of the vow. For a moment she doubted that they were trying to fool her, that the magic would be empty, but if that was the case, she would be able to tell. There was something about the Unbreakable Vow, it tied a knot in you and you could feel it, just as acutely as you feel the heat when you burn your hand accidentally.

"I so vow myself that I and my men will let go of your friends without harming them further… and yourself, as soon as you fulfill your end of the bargain." He said slowly and his eyes gleamed.

"I so vow myself that I will give you the name of the Potter's Secret Keeper… as soon as you fulfill your end of the bargain." She said slowly, the weight of thee words settling on her stomach on her as she said them as if she had swallowed them instead. She had never said it this clearly before. Being a traitor really sucked. She felt Malfoy move and a warm fire-tongue licked at their joined forearms. She felt the knot in her as it stopped her lungs from functioning for a brief minute, recognizing the feeling immediately. She let go of his forearm as if it burned.

"Take care of your friends." He said gesturing at the bound group at their right. She turned to Malfoy and stared him down

"Among my possessions there was a golden necklace. Bring it to me." She demanded.

"Not fucking likely." The blond hissed and then he turned towards his master. "My Lord?"

"Comply."

Malfoy hesitated then did as he was told. "Fetching for a McKinnon like a dog is where you always belonged Malfoy. By right and blood." Marlene said slowly as she took back her necklace. She felt Malfoys glare but didn't really care about it.

Marlene limited herself with looking in the eyes of her friends in turns as she extend the heart-shaped amulet to Jenny who was the closest… She didn't take it, so Marlene threw it at Shooter. He caught the thing only on reflex. Their expression was unreadable, but Bear was not even trying to hide his disgust at her. _Why_didn't he understand? This was the only way! In another second, the necklace glowed blue. The blood on Marlene's hand had activated the portkey. They would be safe in a matter of moments. Shooter held it up for her other companions to take, as the glazed look faded from his eyes.

"What have you done…" he whispered as he looked at her, the betrayal finally showing in his eyes.

A growl was heard and Marlene turned to look at Bears big body. He was built like a brick shithouse, two hundred and twenty pounds of muscle strapped on a six feet five frame, shoulders massive and hands strong enough to crush a man's skull. Even after all the torture he had undoubtedly been put through, he still managed to loom. Bear had never been one to complicate feelings much. You are loyal then you are loved. You are a traitor then you are as good as dead.

"I will hunt you down and kill you with my bare hands." He hissed and for the first time she saw true hatred in his eyes, directed at her. That look was the look he served for his enemies. She didn't speak a word until they disappeared from view.

Then she turned to face those unnatural eyes one last time. In that moment, she knew that she could lie. She could deceive the Dark Lord and that way she would save her best friend from death. She could do something noble right now and sacrifice herself, give up her life for the life of someone so much better than her. It was so god dammed appealing…

But she didn't come here tonight to be noble. She came to do the right thing… for all the other people that she didn't know but that would be dead if she didn't do something about it.

"Pettigrew." She said. And as soon as the word left her mouth, her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she dropped to the ground as if the strings that had been holding her had been suddenly cut. Voldemort had heard her, but as he saw her drop like that, he knew that he had been tricked. She was dead, which meant she had broken the vow. He looked at the body and for a second he didn't understand. What was the meaning of this?

It didn't take long for his rage to bleed thought the surprise though. He screamed long and his minions broke the circle running for the door. But he was faster and locked them in. He paced around and killed a couple of bodies that came in his way. His rage was barely suppressed.

"Lucius, take five of your choosing and go after them..." A small smile crossed his features "I let them go, but I never promised not to get them back. Do kill them this time."

"Yes my Lord."

"Snape."

"My Lord."

"Who is this Pettigrew?"

"One of Potter's friends, but not the closest he had." As he looked at the lifeless body of the girl in front of him, he contemplated this piece of news. Even if it was useless, it was worth trying. After all, she had not been lying when she spoke her last word. But she had still dropped dead like a puppet… There was something here, something that didn't add up even thought the pieces fitted perfectly. He could tell that something in this puzzle was not right, and it was as elusive as air but just as substantial… and despite all that, it was marginal in his mind.

"Find him… and bring him to me."


	3. Chapter 2 - A beat that went backwards

** Creatures of heaven**

**Chapter 2 - **_A beat that went backwards_

_Well then... in case you didn't notice this whole story starts backwards. Not the easiest way of making my point clear, I am aware of that, but as a good friend of mine once said, sometimes you can't understand the beginning of a story unless you know the way it's going to end. I wanted to give you a full picture, so I started with the worst thing I have done in my life._

_Attaching strings to everything is one of my many faults. So is over-thinking things. This slightly compulsive side of my character is what made me such a good potion maker though._

_However, on the most important day of my life, I turned out to be a not-so-good potion maker after all. I made a small dosage miscalculation when preparing a potion and out of the freaking blue my tomorrow became my yesterday and my today melted in with a tomorrow I had never dreamed of and all of a sudden it was up to strangers to decide whether I would even have a future at all. _

_In other words, I fucked up pretty bad that day._

4 August 1995  
_- 16 years and 6 months later -  
Number 12, Grimauld Place  
London_

The door of the kitchen opened and Harry's escort got in one by one, with serious faces on and curt nods. You glance over their shoulders, trying to take a glimpse of Harry himself…

No, no such luck! Molly was probably already fussing over him. That woman never seizes to amaze you, telling everyone just how peaky they always look! A little inward smile comes to you at the thought. Still, you sigh and look around just for the sake of moving your eyeballs. Everyone is there, the Weasleys, the escort, Dumbledore, Snape… in all 15 people. It is clear that this meeting is going to be important. You sneer inwardly. Snivelus is probably going to report…

You just can't wait until this meeting is over so that you can meet your godson. It's not like you are much needed in here anyway since you don't do anything but listen to other people report stuff and plan strategies for actions you can't take part in. You want to fight, do something more than this… this sitting around on your ass all God damn day inside these walls…

You close your eyes slowly and pinch the bridge of your nose. You so don't want to get into that line of thought right now. Just focus on something else. Something else in your life right now, something good. It's not so difficult to find it. The only thing that makes sense, the _only_ good thing in your life these days is wrapped up in one person: Harry.

Harry is important, you should focus on that. Just like his father before him, Harry is the one thing that has you pulling through, that gives you a reason. Harry Potter's existence effects every decision you make in your life – which is not that surprising since he is the only part of you that means something. Like everything you have to do, you have to do it so that that kid can be a little happier. And you like it this way, you want it this way. You would rip your own back to shreds to make Harry's life even a little better… because you have too much to make up for when it comes to Harry Potter.

A voice that sounds more like a grunt interrupts your thoughts.

"Mission completed. Outcome, positive."

Tonks snorts as she comes to sit at your left. However, her irritation is interrupted when she trips over the side of the carpet in mid-snort. Your hand shots up along with Remus', to steady her. She gives you both an apologetic smile, and receives '_the look'_ from Molly.

"Well, we didn't soak our bones or go though the North Pole. Considering the circumstances…" and she gives a meaningful look to Moody "… that translates into bloody brilliant for me!"

You dare a small smile at her words. People in the room wouldn't trust your colorful cousin with boiling water and few would dare cross Moody about anything, but it was obvious that the escort internally agreed with Tonks.

"Thank you, all of you, for volunteering for this assignment." Dumbledore's voice made everyone around the table stand perfectly still and quiet and even thought you don't really like the man right now, you are straining to know what he has to say.

"Now that we are all here, we can discuss out latest findings. Severus, please, if you will …" Snape advances into the light of the many candles, from the previous dark corner he had been. His skin has a different hue in the candle light, like he is made of wax, though personally you have a always thought he was just plain dirty. If the git could get more unwashed then he would set a world record. Yet, he is still the same, still looking as slithering and slimy as always. Too bad that not many agreed with you out loud on that.

oOoOoOo

_45 minutes later  
Still in the meeting…_

"... I'm not just talking about frontal attacks. What about the sidelines? Damage their resources, as we used to before. Something to weaken them - like this prophecy! We should just destroy it before he ever gets his hands on it!"

"There are powerful spells that protect that thing, Black. Doing it is not as easy as it is talking about it from a chair." Snape's words were like razorblades that cut through your very skin. Your hands ball into fists and you know that if this isn't going to end soon, you won't waste time with wands; you will simply smash your fist into Snivelus's mouth, do everyone a favor and break all his rotten teeth.

"If I were Voldemort, I'd send someone to get it for me." Tonks said loudly, probably trying to bend the topic away from you and Snape, seeing that you were busy glaring each other to death.

"…Showing up in the middle of the atrium would probably be quicker, but there's no way he's gonna do that! He is having too much fun seeing the world turn against us!" Tonks continues as Arthur starts dividing timetables and coordinates for everyone. They are preparing the protection detail for Harry during his hearing day at the ministry. It stings your core that you can't be with him that day. That you can't be out there, shielding him, as you were supposed to.

It wasn't that you didn't trust security. After all, how could you not: Dumbledore himself would find a reason to be there, and thank god for that. Fudge's sense of justice these days wasn't to be trusted anymore than Voldemort's was. It's just that you should be there too. Between Harry and anything that wants to harm him is the only place where you belong.

"Alastor, we will need your…" But Dumbledore stops in mid sentence and turns his head to his right, his face suddenly rigid, brows furrowed, eyes sharp. The next moment, too many things happened in a couple of seconds.

Something that sounds very much like a distant explosions penetrates the sudden silences of the kitchen. It sounds distant, but the ground shakes as if it happened right under your feet. You flinch as a sharp pain shoots through your skull like a drilling job was being worked on it and a scream tunes in, like the person that was emitting it was far away and traveling with great speed towards you. Then with a loud bang, something very much like a body smashes on the table shaking its old wood, sliding through it and ending up on the floor, sending papers flying everywhere. Its as if it fell right through the ceiling or something! The echo of the scream hadn't even died out yet but 15 wands were pointed in the bodies direction.

"_Please_! Refrain yourselves from anything rash." You hear Dumbledore says in a very stern and much louder than usual voice, and the strong control in his tone is the only thing that stops you from doing anything. You are far from calm as you breathe hard, trying to keep your wince to yourself. You head still hurts, you are confused and you heart is leaping around in your chest as if it wants out, but there is also something else on your mind.

Something happened. There is someone in the room. Someone that wasn't there before. The thing is laying on the ground, all wrapped in folds of black cloak, nothing much visible about it, except for the fact that it looks small.

There was a thin smoke coming off it, like slow fog rising from the ground of London at early hours of the winter morning. But this wasn't fog. It looked a lot like fire-smoke. One glance and you realize that you are right. The lower part of the cloak is burned to shreds and you see what you suppose is a leg, all red and black, bleeding, looking like a raw stake with black blotches. The feet were bare… and burned to the crisp. The sight is almost enough to make you gag. The smell actually does it, but you resist bringing your hand up to shield your nose from it. You've had worse.

You see Dumbledore put down his wand and approach, finding a thin wrist under a few pieces of black cloth. From the structure of the forearm and fingers, you'd say that's a female lying down there… and for a moment you think of Bellatrix.

But that was nonsense. The entire situation was absurd. And getting close to that body was too risky even for one such as Dumbledore.

"Hestia, would you mind telling me if this is a pulse I am hearing?" Dumbledore said calmly and the healer approaches quickly to check. You wach her move without hesitation and you know where that security comes from: it is difficult to feel threatened when someone like Dumbledore is standing right by your side. Even if the being a healer wouldn't have taught Hestia to keep herself always collected and calm, Dumbledore's aura would have had that exact effect.

Hestia expertly runs her hands down the figure, finds the head and carefully moves the person on its back. You were right, it was a woman under there – well, a girl really - , you can tell by the long hair, but her face is so fucked up that it makes her look like she has been through a meat-grinder. Hestia finds the neck, and puts two fingers there, listening intently. She nods, but her brows clamp down on her forehead.

"She is fibrillating… Someone bring me my bag!" Hestia's actions were almost mechanical as waved her wand over the unknown woman's chest, making sparks erupt from her wand; the intruder's body convulsed as if she was being electrocuted.

"She's going into cardiac arrest." you hear Hestia whisper as more spells came out of her wand non-stop. Her lips moved so fast they almost seemed like they were trembling. With her free hand Hestia grabbed a long needle from her black bag and brought it up over the stranger's chest as if it was a dagger.

With a movement so swift that it almost startles you, Hestia plunges the needle straight into the intruders chest and pushes the piston home, shooting the potion straight into the girl's heart.

It almost looked like Hestia had stabbed her.

The body of the girl stops shaking and you think for a moment that this nonsensical situation is going to stop spinning and explain itself. You release a breath you didn't know you'd been holding and stare at the healer who rapidly checks for a pulse.

"Dam it." Hestia hisses and in a second you understand: the unmoving condition of the body on the floor is due to its death.

Death would be welcome, in a way – though certainly not for the intruder. But objectively speaking, death is ordinary, you think. It would be a shot of normalcy that would maybe unthread this ridiculous situation.

But Hestia is a lot more persistent that you are. She moves furiously and fast. Tears the fabric open on the stranger's chest and start's with a complexion of spells that you can't follow, the tip of her wand directly pressed over the girl's heart. After a minute or two, when it was clear that there was nothing to be done and you were about o say as much, Hestia hissed a very intricate chain of oaths that you didn't think the usually composed and so proper-looking woman had in her.

She fell silent and kept murmuring, until something akin to a bolt of lightning exploded from her wand.

The electric shock arched the body off the ground - once, and again, and again.

Hestia was about to discharge a forth when she stopped in mid-spell. She felt for a pulse and just like that, you see her shoulders relax.

"I have a pulse." Hestia whispered, to nobody in particular even though everyone was listening without daring to breathe too loudly. "It's faint, but it's there." And as she spoke, she got busy with the exam and stabilization of the patient's condition, perhaps hoping that the kid didn't crash again.

"She'll have to be in intensive care for a few days." Hestia continued.

You glance at the girl's face. She was so beaten and bloodied that her features looked rearranged, something that was yearning to be human, but that was not quite there yet. the intruders face reminded him of a mandrake root, if he were honest with himself. The thought struck him as odd and ridiculous, but then he consoled himself: odd and ridiculous would fit right in with the situation t hand.

Still, the more you stared at that almost-face, the brighter that sparkle of strange familiarity shone, prickling at the sidelines of your memory. You had seen that sight before, you thought. Strange that you should think so... but not really, not that strange after all. You have seen some pretty fucked up shit in your time.

But a girl half beaten to death and almost burned alive was too strange eve for you. Much too incredible were the circumstances of her appearance.

But she was here none the less.


	4. Chapter 3 - The ghost

Creatures of heaven

**Chapter 3** - _The Ghost_

_Diversion…Trap_!

These were the first thoughts that flared in Alastor Moody's head right after he was able to think again, after that sharp sting. As soon as he heard the scream he reacted instinctively, his wand out before he could actually think. Then Dumbledore's voice stopped him. In the next second, his magic eye flew up his skull to check on Potter and the rest of the kids as his normal one was watching the mass of dark cloth.

Afterwards Moody searched the perimeter of the building, 360 degrees. Nothing! Not one cloak, one spark or imprint of magic, not even a doubtful figure standing in the range of 2 miles. The streets were almost empty except for the muggles passing every now and then… The sky was as empty as it could be too.

Moody moved his attention to the figure, looking past Hestia Jones as she was trying to keep the failing heart beating. He realize then that what he had been looking for outside, was right there. The biggest imprint that radiated magic was that black-clad figure… or at least what was left of it. That strenger was bathed in magic, he could see that. Hell, he could _sense_ it, it was that strong. Therefore, that meant that she had been able to burst in using either a spell or a potion, either of which had been applied directly _on_ her. Which wasn't so difficult to believe seeing that she was half burned-alive.

_So this is the bait…a soon to be dead bait, which proves the point._

With that thought in mind he proceeded in analyzing the figure, and what he saw made him unsure of himself for the first time in a long time.

"Alastor…"

A few eyes glanced briefly to the man who could see through everything.

"Hmm…It's a female, a teen probably. No Dark Mark or indicators that she bears one, but multiple scars on her, from what I can tell, some old some new. No wand or weapons of any kind, just a pendant in her pocket. Well formed muscular structure. The cloak has the crest of Hogwarts on it, Albus… An unusual masking for an attacker."

The scarred face of the ex-auror was scrunched up as he was apparently just as thrown off by the accident as the rest. In all his years, he had never seen a Death Eater do something as stupid as plant himself in plain sight, with no weapons or means of defense. Voldemort himself wouldn't dare to step in the same room with Dumbledore unarmed.

"We do not know whether this is an attacker, my friend." Dumbledore said as he looked at what was visible of the figure, which was not much. He could see some of her face, but it was a blooded mess of red, pink, violet and blue, disfigured features and unknown lines, a mix of long limbs… or what remained of them.

Dumbledore didn't diverted his eyes from them this time. He had seen many war wounds, he had seen people burned alive before. But the knowledge that this had been done to a child was… _disturbing_ him, to the point that the tips of his fingers were itching. As he knew that the last time he had felt this _surge of anger_ was when he realized that Harry Potter was gone from his side at the end of the Tri-Wizard tournament, he also realized that his age was taking a toll on his self control… Or maybe too many bad things were starting to happen too fast, much too fast for him to control or prevent. As he watched the girls scorched feet, he felt utterly helpless.

He watched Hestia work on her. He watched the girl die there, and then come back. Hestia Jones turned to him, a light sheen of sweat on her forehead. In the millisecond that it took for her to open her mouth and speak, he remembered what a wonderful student she had been back at Hogwarts. Class of 1964, she was the brightest of her generation. She had hated Arithmanzy with a passion, thought she was still top of her class. She knew she wanted to be a healer since she was eight. He remembered her slapping Bertha Jones in the face in the middle of the Great Hall, for _'__calling her names behind her back'_.

"Her heart is stabilizing." Hestia said to him and turned back to the girl. She murmured so fast and low, her lips seemed like they were trembling as she moved her wand over the girl's body. Dumbledore watched Snape as he mixed some of the girl blood into a vile of green liquid and shook it. The liquid changed from green to dark red instantly.

"She a normal human. And there are no alien substances in her organism." Severus informed him and Dumbledore nodded. His brain was working furiously, exploring every possibility, remembering, deciding. One theory after the other, dozens of them in mere seconds.

"Most of her feet need re-growing…" Hestia whispered angrily. Oh merciful Merlin, to have to cure such a young thing from this kind of injuries was… she didn't have words. Besides, she hated burns. To her they were the most macabre wounds. She injected the potion right above the girls ankles. Immediately she started applying the regenerating mouse on the less grave burns above the calves and up her knees. The stranger's face was going to have to wait. Such extensive hematomas were painful and could be dangerous, but prioritizing with the rest of this strangers injuries, they took a somewhat secondary importance.

"All these wounds are fresh… as in, minutes ago kind of fresh." Hestia looked up to meet Dumbledore's eyes and then Moody's. "Her skin is warm from the fire that must have burned her. Her bruises haven't really started swelling up yet." So where did that leave them? What did it mean? Hestia didn't know that – her primary job was to cure, not to analyze why's and how's.

Dumbledore bowed towards the stranger on the ground and delicately cleaned away some of the blood on her face, turning her his way so that he could properly look at her. As he did so, Minerva came to his side and kneeled beside him. The unknown woman's face looked like a Francis Bacon portrait: something that was fighting to stay human. Her broken nose, her blackening cheeks and cut eyebrow, the unnaturally puffed lips. She looked as if someone had just beaten her with a stick directly in the face.

Precisely that gruesome sight pulled at the old wizard's memory. He realized to whom that distorted face belonged as soon as it was clearly in front of his eyes. Paradoxally, the disfiguration of this face was unmistakable because it was not the first time he had seen it. He had seen this girl before, crushed just like she was now. Beaten, slashed open, bones broken, blooded… The only difference between then and now was that _then_, she had been awake and unforgiving in her sorrow and fury.

"Impossible!" He heard Minerva whisper, clearly not believing her eyes. A tiny part of his brain liked to agree with her, but the larger part knew well that the impossible was always very whimsical…

He remembered every one of his students. He remembered their names and their history, every mischief they had ever done, every injury they had had, every scar said injury had left, every success and failure that had defined their lives, academically or not. He knew their style in magic and the way they practiced it, their strong and weak points, their vices and their virtues. He remembered every quirk that made them stand out, all the small things that made each and every one of them unique. He certainly remembered _this_ one just as clearly… And apparently so did Minerva. Moreover, he has sure that at least three other people in the room did too. Or at least would know her as soon as she looked like herself.

"Albus, is this…" Minerva refused to believe it, but the look in Dumbledore's eyes was her confirmation. She shook her head in protest, an instinctive act.

"But how …?" she asked him, feeling that if she did not get an answer soon, she was going to lose her legendary composure. She was just a few steps away from melting. This was madly beyond the limits of reason.

A little portion of Minerva's mind thought sarcastically that this child had always had the incredible ability of bringing her nerves to a straining point. It wouldn't be the first time this girl had gotten herself a broken bone or two. Minerva shivered remembering the innumerous times she herself had had to take her to the nursery. And the points Gryffindor had lost because of her stupidities… If she could punish her right now, Minerva would make her scrub toilets under Filch's watch every night for the rest of her academic career and every weekend for the rest of her _life_.

"Excuse me for a moment Albus." Hestia said and she saw Dumbledore and Minerva almost move away from the body.

She turned the girl's body in a suitable position, fixed her torso in place with a local body-binding charm, and with confidence that came from long experience, she put the dislocated shoulder back into place, with a strong thrust. The skin on the girl's legs had absorbed the skin-mending mouse, and looked some better, but was still in a poor condition. Her flesh in her toes was slowly starting to fill out. It was strange that her skin was scorched from her knee downwards, but not an inch higher. Whatever had burned her – and judging from the result,, what had burned her had been very powerful - had had a low range.

"Dumbledore, you recognize this child?" Molly asked in a low voice. The old man turned to look at everyone in turns. The faces of the presents were severe with worry and wands were still on their hands.

"Yes, I do… she is a Howards student." He took a deep breath before he started explaining. "You see, about 23 years ago, there was an accident at Hogwarts, a somewhat severe accident even for our dear school's legendary standard. A student had been trying to make a potion, but something went very wrong. The explosion was so violent that most of the room was destroyed." Dumbledore watched the faces of Snape Sirius and Remus as realization slowly sank in them. Minerva only closed her eyes, as if tired all of a sudden and Dumbledore saw her lips get thinner and her nostrils flare as they did when she was on the verge of giving a very rough detention.

"The child was found in a moment. She had been almost burned alive, but the shield charm she had managed to call had kept her alive. When she woke up 14 days later, she remembered nothing. The potion she made by mistake was quite singular. It was very singular indeed… So much that it was impossible to duplicate." Dumbledore paused for a moments and then resumed his talk.

"My rough guess is that she traveled thought time, and we are looking at her this instant. It is the only explanation for what we are seeing." He saw the faces in front of him frown and before most of them could truly comprehend, or even before Dumbledore could explain himself further, Tonks spoke, as always saying the first thing that came in her mind.

"So, basically… You're saying that this kid blasted herself here…from the past?" She asked and - in the eternal habit of a teacher - Dumbledore was very proud of his students deductive skills. He smiled at the colorful metamorph.

"Precisely."

"From _23 years _ago?" Tonks' disbelied was evident in her tone. She was more surprise however when she saw Remus move near the girl's head and trying to hold it comfortably as he put a small cushion under it and cleaned the blood on her face with a wet cloth so delicately that it seemed strange in his big hands. He washed her right cheek, and looked at the face as if he were searching for something… and he found it. Tonks knew that Remus had found whatever he had been searching for by the way his shoulders sagged.

Remus passed his thumb on the girls cheek and felt the three thin lines carved in her skin. The three thin, now barely visible lines on the side of her face, that ran from her forehead, through her cheek, extending to her chin, barely missing her eye. One extended as far as her throat. Her right eye hadn't been damaged, neither in shape or in its ability to see perfectly. But her skin bared the imprint. The sign of claw marks… Wolf marks. A gory memento of the animal when its paw had dug into her skin.

"She was in our year… I remember her." Remus said, his voice low and everyone turned to him. Slowly, to himself, he thought that '_remember her'_ was an understatement. It's not like he could easily forget, no one ever would be able to do that. If nothing else, there was her family and their story. They were the most horrendous example ever made during the First War. He would even go as far as say that everyone who knew the name Harry Potter, undoubtedly knew the name of her family too… but theirs was never celebrated though. Because, while Harry he was the boy who lived, hers was the family that did not…

"Dumbledore, what you are suggesting is simply impossible. No living thing can travel that far in time and remain living." Dumbledore looked over at Emily Vance and then shifted his gaze to Hestia, who seemed to be in deep thought. She was putting the symptoms together, relating them to a cause that seemed to fit. Yes, it could be possible… After all, technically, the kid wasn't alive when she landed on their table.

"It could be… Her heart failed, and she had no brainwaves either… Practically she was shut down for at least a minute. If she had ended up somewhere else, I'm sure she would have remained that way." It was like Hestia was thinking out loud, but the last sentence was directed to the whole room, who appeared to be indecisive about the situation.

"The real question is how did she get in_here_? This house is a fortress; nobody can come in if we don't _let_ them in. It could be a trap of some sort!"

"Even though that is a matter of worry Molly, I do not think this child's arrive is a trap of _any_ sort." Dumbledore said calmly. "I can guarantee for her. We _all_ can, since we all know her." In every face there was painted the same look of surprise. "This is Marlene McKinnon."


	5. Chapter 4 - Never-ending nightmare

**Creatures of heaven**

**Chapter 4 – **_Never-ending nightmare _

_Ever had a nightmare and had that strange feeling that it's not the first time you dream of it? So you want to go on dreaming its horror, just to see if it's really the same one you had before, or maybe to remember a forgotten me tell you, waking up in that bed, in that room that smelled of old dust was nothing like that. I had _lived_that nightmare before… and I wanted out!_

__

**It **was a sharp pain in her stomach that woke her. She groaned as she rolled to her side. It was like someone was literally twisting a knife in her gut! Then it ebbed away slowly but before she could take a full breath and adjust her eyes to the darkness of the room, it came again. This time so powerful that she bit the pillow, turning her yelp into a muffled moan. Sour liquid filled her mouth and she knew what would come next. Her stomach quivered in warning. Before she could stop it, she felt her insides clench and it was too late. On reflex, she turned, her head hanging off the side of the bed. Her body wanted her to throw up but apparently her stomach had nothing more to give.

She had had a concussion before, and knew how to recognize its post effects. However, she couldn't remember what she had done this time to earn herself a blow to the head! That didn't mean anything though. She knew that she had the full capability of getting herself into trouble that would own up to those kind of consequences. And speaking of consequences, now that she was a little more relaxed than a few moments ago, she actually felt the condition her body was in for the first time. It was so weird, she could feel every muscle she had, but not in a good way. In fact, there was nothing even remotely good about what she was feeling. It was an annoying, dull kind of pain.

Her left wrist and collarbone were prickling, and her ankles felt tender in a weird way, like they were bruised. She had broken her limbs enough times to be familiar with the numb soreness that the injury left behind. From the way her shoulder couldn't entirely support the weight of her arm, she supposed that either she had gotten a really bad hit there, or she had dislocated her shoulder entirely. She couldn't even feel her feet… she reached down to touch them to make sure they were there. They were… and they were so numb it hurt like hell to move them.

_What the hell have done this time?!_

She groaned and reached under her pillow with her good arm, for her wand, to clean up her mess, when she noticed many things in a few seconds.

First, her wand was not there. Second, from the way it smelled in there, she was not even in her dormitory, let alone in her bed. Not even in the nursery… It was as obvious as her vomit that she was nowhere near Hogwarts and the thought made her breath hitch.

_Oh shit…_

She had the feeling that she was in trouble and her chest clenched, her breathing stopping altogether, and then accelerating. Slowly she got up, acutely feeling every bone and muscle in her body and the 50 different ways they hurt. Her brain however was very clear and it started taking in its surroundings. A wide, dark room, completely bare except for her bed and a chair. It smelled of dust, and humidity, mixed with the smell of rotten old wood and bile… It smelled of old and abandoned in there, and that meant she was in seriously deep shit. She tried hard to recall her last experience. She remembered herself as she was trying to make an Apparition potion. After that there was a complete darkness.

As silently as she could she got up and tried her stance. She started by massaging her feet, then wringing her toes before she put them on the ground. The first three steps were tricky, but after she got used to her body and her head stopped spinning, she was fine. Trying not to make the slightest noise, she got to the window and peeped thought the curtains.

She was maybe on the third floor or something. There were buildings around and a park at front. It was a city neighborhood, so she would be able to find a police station or something similar pretty quickly. There was a draining tube not too far from the ledge of the window, and she calculated the chances of making it down from there. When she tried to open the window however, she couldn't. She pulled until her nails almost bled, but it was in vain. She fell on her knees and wondered if it would be too reckless to just break the window with the chair… No, she would have to keep that as a last recourse. Making so much noise could not go unnoticed…

So she darted like a cat towards the door. That was locked too… She felt like screaming in frustration. It was when she was forming her plan of escape through the window that she noticed that there was a hole for a key in that door. It felt like the light of hope sparkled again. Maybe it _hadn't_ been locked with a spell… Maybe it was a normal lock…

As her hand went to her hair to search for a pin, she realized that someone had let her hair loose from its usual braid - it was around her in a mess of tangled waves. For the first time since she woke, she noticed what she was wearing… and it wasn't her school uniform. Anger surged at the thought of unknown hands touching her, and she shook trying to control herself, violent thoughts on her mind.

She looked herself over and decided that whoever had dressed her must have had the IQ of a four year old: she was wearing a loose white T-shirt which was so short that it barely covered her bellybutton, and a pair of baggy gray sweatpants that were almost falling off her hips and were nearly a foot too long. She tightened the band of the sweats around her hips and rolled them up so that she could see her feet. The last thing she needed was to trip around them when running… It was then that she noticed the bandages that began on her ankles and ended over her knees. She touched them lightly, but felt no pain. Rolled the edge of the bandage a little upwards she noticed that the skin of her legs was her everyday skin, the one that - cursing those skirted uniforms in Hogwarts - she had waxed not 2 days ago. Deciding she would wonder about it later, she got back to her search for a pin. When she felt that she still had her own bra on, she breathed a sigh of relief.

Ever since she had been kidnapped when she was 14, she always kept some sort of weapon with her. Charlie had taught her to hide them in the most uncommon places. As she rolled the T-shirt up, she nagged the side of the white bra and then retrieved a thin wire from it. The whole time she had been trying to listen for noises outside, but it was quiet. But then again, maybe whoever had taken her to this godforsaken place had put a spell on her room, so the silence didn't mean much.

After taking a deep breath she poked the keyhole with the wire and made the key fall on the other side with a thud – making her realize that there was no spell preventing her from hearing outside noises. She waited but nothing happened, so she began to pick on the lock. It took her so long that she actually thought it was useless. However, she was not one to give up so easily. It was when she felt that distinctive pressure on the wire, that her heart almost leaped. She gave it a final tug and the lock snapped. She counted to 10 to calm down and then, barely breathing, she slowly turned the handle.

Her heart sped up and she felt the adrenaline rush though her, numbing out the soreness of her body. She opened the door only by an inch. A small, dimly lit corridor stretched on. She dared another look to her left and right. Nobody guarding her. Sliding out like a cat she moved almost on all fours, walked keeping close to the wall, until she got to the stairs. If only she could get to the front door…

As she looked around herself, her blood froze for a moment and she stopped breathing. It was like one of her nightmares had come to life… If she had thought that she was in trouble before, now as she took in her surroundings she _knew_ that her problems had just transferred under the _seriously-fucked-up_ zip code. Before she could lose it, she made herself stay calm on focus on one problem at a time.

She had made it one floor down when her heart almost stopped again as she knocked over a glass bottle, breaking it. Almost painted herself against the wall as she bit her lip hard, she closed her eyes, as two big tears ran down her cheeks.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…_

She waited, her heart pounding in her ear, but nothing happened. Nobody came for her. It was like she had all the place to herself. Slowly, she made herself move but before she left, she took one of the pieces of shattered glass with her – you could never have too many sharp things your hands in these situations. She was fast and silent, rushing across the corridor and down another flight of stairs like a shadow.

When there were no more stairs to climb down from, she saw a narrow corridor stretching, with only 2 doors at both ends. Only one of them could take her out. The one of the right was farther away and seemed to be bolded with all kinds of locks. _That_ was the way out!

She was just a few feet from the door, almost there… when the bell rang loud enough to make her jump and yelp. Then the curtains on her left opened, the screaming started, piercing her brain like a thousand sirens and she felt like a little helpless girl again. She was so frightened she almost pissed herself. She had to muffle her own screams and with both hands, flattening herself on the other side of the wall, unable to move. She was frozen, her scream blocked in her throat, her lungs dysfunctional, a thousand voices unlocked in her head so loud that she couldn't hear herself think.

She didn't even noticed that the door on the other side of the corridor open and the people coming for her.

"_Filthy halfbloods and bloodtraidors! Unworthy waste of flesh! Demon! Disgrace! Scum! Out from the house of my fathers_!"

Her panic attack lasted any a few moments. She was still scared shitless, but the sight of people coming her way enabled her to move so she turned to the door and started to pull it hysterically. She heard the steps behind her faintly. When she felt a hand on her shoulder, her reaction was instinctive. She grabbed the wrist and flipped it, heard the bone crack, flipped the man's arm behind his back, making him turn his back on her and held him there in front of her like a shield. She landed a blow on the back of his knees and he fell, then her knee connected with his face and she heard his grunt. She saw a red flash of red and hid behind the man's wide shoulders. The screaming had never stopped.

"Tell him to put his wand away, now!" She yelled in the man's ear, as she pushed the glass on his throat hard. The skin on her palm broke and blood rushed out, but she never noticed. She was almost completely hidden behind the man's body, the other one couldn't get to her.

She saw a chubby, short woman and another man come out of the door across the hall, and froze at the sight. There were so many of them… She felt like fainting, but still held the glass fast on the man's neck as she was almost completely breaking his wrist. He wasn't making much of a fight.

"Get me out of here!" She screamed desperatly, her voice thick, feeling the tears prickle her eyes. The man said something, but she couldn't concentrate enough to understand it. She felt dizzy and couldn't breathe, the constant screaming mixing with the one in her head again.

In the midst of all the noise she hadn't heard the door open. And when darkness came for her, in that fraction of a second that her breath was knocked out of her from the stunning spell, part of her brain was glad that the noise was fading… and with it everything else.


	6. Chapter 5 - Behind the looking glass

**Chapter 5 – **_Behind the looking glass_

_Be careful not to look to long in a mirror at a dark hour. You minght see something in your face that you do not like... If you do however, and what you seen in you is frightening, blame it on the evil twin that you are staring at and turn the other way. Denial is the most powerful force on earth._

****

"**Tell** us _again_, Sirius, how did it happen…"

"That you had your ass handed to you …"

"_I-am-warning-you_!" Molly says with gritted teeth but the twins don't bulge.

"By a _girl _! Not even a woman, but a _girl_!" the twins insist, not minding their mother's threat. You smile, catching the way Hermione and Ginny shoot George a pointed glare.

"Who is _less_ than half your size…"

"And probably weights a little over 100 pounds, with a wetwinter cloak on?"

You look at the twins and smile. You know that they just want to have a bit of fun but you can't deny that behind all the smiles and teases of the twins there is something more. You look at the remains of blood on your shirt. You probably have bruises on your legs too. Molly had been kind enough to fix the broken nose and wrist for you, so nothing is hurting… much.

"Seriously though, are you guys sure that she is really who you think she is?" George asks and you glance at the figure tied on the sofa in front of the fire. Marlene McKinnon…

You honestly don't know how to answer George's question. You find it impossible yourself. _God_, it was so hard to wrap your mind around this. The first and most elementary rule of magic is that you _can't_ bring the dead back to life. What happens in the past stays there. There are no second chances, not even magic can offer you those.

And yet, Marlene McKinnon just broke your nose and wrist not 15 minutes ago. You know she is Marlene, her DNA matches. It matches to an 18 year old Marlene, the Marlene that you knew in your sixth year of Hogwarts. It seems like a lifetime ago. It _is_ a lifetime ago. Your brain tells you it's impossible for her to be here and be real because the Marlene McKinnon that you knew - the one you went to school with, fought the first war with - never lived long enough to see her 23rd birthday. But here she is, tied in from of the fire: the 18 year old version of a dead girl from your past.

"Sirius?" This time it's Harry that calls for your attention, but before you can answer, Remus speaks before you do.

"Dumbledore made sure. She is Marlene McKinnon."

"But it thought the McKinnons were all dead!" Ron starts but Hermione interrupts him with a huff.

"Pay attention Ron: She came here from the past. This is her _past_ self. In this future, she is still dead…" Hermione said slowly, as if waiting for someone to correct her, but no one did. Which seemed to add to the girl's worry and make her frown even more deeply.

"This is a huge mess." She adds in the same final tone she'd use to argue that 2+2 equals 4. You agree with her, this _is_ a mess, a bloody complicated one too. It's astounding the calm with which Dumbledore decided to let Marlene stay here among you all instead of isolating her somewhere until this was figured out. You are honestly starting to doubt the man. If it were in your hands, you would lock Marlene McKinnon somewhere underground in an impenetrable cell with no windows or doors.

But that's just your opinion. Apparently you are alone in this one.

"We only told you who she is and how she came to be here, because you'd find out anyway one way or another." Remus says, and you notice how his eyes linger a little on Hermione and then Ron and Harry. You can't help a smirk. Yeah, probably those three wouldn't have given themselves peace until they found out the truth about the new stranger. All the more reason not to keep her here!

"We want you to know who you're dealing with and keep in mind that you can't tell her anything about our time. The consequences could be disastrous." Remus goes on explaining but you know that the real reason for being so forthcoming about such a delicate matter is not the trio's unnatural propulsion for finding out things they shouldn't know about. The kids don't know this yet, but the true reason for letting them in on almost all the facts is to protect them.

From Marlene.

"We understand Remus." Hermione says with a deep conviction that is not present in the eyes of the others however.

"And even in case we don't, you put that tongue-tying spell on us, so the chances of something slipping out are slim really." Fred points out in a light tone, but you are looking at Harry as the twin says that and your godson's eyes did not need words to voice his thoughts on this matter.

"The spell is just a precaution. You might say something without realizing." Remus said in a placatory tone but you know he is again omitting the crucial part: they might be _persuaded_ by Marlene to say something, which is even more dangerous. They don't know what they're into yet.

Frankly, at this point neither do you…

_Why_ did Dumbledore want her to stay here? You honestly can't figure it out. Couldn't he understand that the second Harry realizes where Marlene comes from and where she is going back to, he will do anything in his power to tell her about his parents? That if you gave yourself enough time and persuasion, _you_ would probably end up helping him yourself.

You look at your godson and in that precise moment, he is looking at you and your eyes lock. You can see the in suspicion his green eyes and the confusion that is wrecking havoc inside his brain and soul. You can almost hear the questions banging around his skull, they are swimming in his eyes. You can see that he is a breath away from his temper breaking loose. You can sense it in the way his eyes shine as if they were truly made of emeralds. It reminds you of Lily, of how you could always see the storm brew in her eyes before it hit.

"How can you be sure that she is who you think she is?" Harry asks with a voice that did not sound as his own and everyone turns to him. Ron and Hermione look at him with weary eyes. He had not uttered a word all the while you and Remus had explained who the girl is and how she had ended up at Grimauld place. He had been staring at Marlene the whole time.

"Would you ever forget Hermione's face, Harry? The way she looks now, even thirty years from this moment?" Remus asks slowly and you instantly know it's not the right comparison to make. You know, because you are entertaining the same doubts Harry is.

"Hermione would never try to _slit my throat_, Remus! It may be her body, but you don't know who is inside her head!" Harry says with gritted teeth and you see he is straining in trying to keep his voice down.

"Even if we assume there was someone inside her head – which in itself is entirely impossible, considering who we are talking about – no spell can last through that kind of time shift." Remus calmly explains. There is silence in the kitchen for a moment and it irritates you to the point where you simply need to light another cigarette.

The air in the room is full of unsaid words. They are piling up in corners and you've never been really good at ignoring what's there. You don't like omitting the obvious, you don't like following the orders people give you when your heart leads you in another direction. You have no idea how you're going to handle the fact that a girl who was supposed to be dead is now sitting in the same kitchen you are, you don't know whether or not she is going to go back to her time. You have no idea how you're going to handle the possibility of her actually going back.

You don't know what to do with this chance that has been given to you so unexpectedly. You have been given a second try at fixing the past mistakes. You could tell Marlene about Peter treachery, about so many other things. Set right so many mistakes.

But in the midst of things you don't yet know, two are the certainties that are going to guide your decisions:

One: Marlene McKinnon never was nor will ever be your friend.

Two: Neither you nor anyone else in this house can trust her with so much as boiling an egg, let alone with the life of someone you love.

oOoOoO

"I just don't understand how she can be trusted." Harry was trying desperately to make his godfather see reason. There was something in that girl he didn't like one bit and he didn't have to take a long time in guessing what it was. She had tried to kill the only family he had left, for god's sake! Yet Sirius seemed so perfectly _fine_ with that.

"What have you heard about the McKinnon family?" Remus asked and Harry quietly said that he had never heard about them before. One look across the room and he was sure he was the only one. Hermione glared at him and he was just as sure that he probably _should_ know something about them, because that was Hermione's special glare, the one that was reserved for when he didn't pay attention in class.

"They were one of the oldest, most powerful pureblood families of their time. They operated in business and worldwide magical finance."

"The five sisters…" Hermione whispers, as if in awe.

"Yes. Five major international companies, one of which – actually the biggest and most important - was Du Bois International, founded and owned by the McKinnon family since around 143 B.C. Grigots used to be their England branch."

"They were the owners of Grigots? But I thought that the back was founded by elves?" Ron noted, completely thrown off.

"It was founded by elves _and_ wizards. Nobody knows how the McKinnon got the elves to share their gold and skills, it's one of the mysteries of the magic history. There is this one theory according to which the McKinnons were so rich that they bought themselves in somehow." Hermione explains in a quiet tone and in reflex, she looked at Remus to confirm that she had given in fact the correct 'answer'. Remus answer with a small nod.

"Coercion shouldn't be excluded:" Sirius mumbled, making Hermione blink in surprise. She'd never read about any violent episodes concerning this particular family. Which was surprising indeed, but that was another thing that the McKinnons were famous for: officially they did not have a single drop of blood on their hands. That could not be said for every one of the old pureblood families. In fact, it could not be said for any of them…

"Later on, when Du Bois was dismembered, the elves bought themselves out and stand now on their own again." Remus added ac closing statement.

Which was all very fascinating, Harry thought, but he still couldn't get why he should be made to live under the same roof as a person he didn't trust in the slightest. So what is she was of some internationally known family! To Harry she sounded like a pureblood brat. Something very close to Mallfoy came to his mind and his antipathy strengthened.

But before he could express it in words, Hermione spoke.

"I've read in several studies that they are thought to be among one of the founding families of the very fist wizarding communities in England." she said and Remus nodded in acknowledgment. A more interesting reaction however was Sirius's snort.

"Oh yeah, they were ancient. The closest the magic world has had to royalty." Sirius said the word '_royalty'_ as if he was spitting it out. A royal pain in the ass was more like it, he thought as he straightened in his chair. "And they were smart too. The McKinnons didn't boast their gold like everyone else, even though they had more than all the other purebloods put together. And the other families didn't like that very much."

Sirius smirked as if he was making some really nasty joke, but nobody was catching on.

"Almost all of the pureblood families went after Voldemort's ideas when he first started to make himself noticeable. They thought him a liberator, threw parties and galas in his honor just to hear him go on about his bullshit on blood epuration. That's where Voldemort got his first Death Eaters from. He was going after young blood at the time – basically, he was after the heirs of the most prominent pureblood lines… and he got them. They followed him as if he was a god." Sirius said full of bitterness. The whole room was eating up his every word. Nobody else had ever told them about the Firs war, no matter how much they had asked. None of the grownups liked to talk about it. But, as Harry and the others were soon finding out, Sirius wasn't like everyone else.

"Sirius…" Hermione breathed out very cautiously, in a very un-Hermione like manner, drawing the room's attention on herself. "Sirius, did you ever… I mean, did your family…" Sirius's eyes snapped on Hermione's face, as if he had just noticed she was there, as if he was looking at her for the first time. His cold stare made Hermione squirm a little.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have…" She started but Sirius' bark of a laugh made her stop in mid apology and blush deeper. But his laugh was one of almost mirth. There was a little bitterness in it, yes, but it was hidden under so many layers of past mistakes and regrets that only Remus was able to detect it. None of the others knew Sirius nearly well enough to be able to really read him.

"Oh, Hermione! You really are the brightest witch I've met in a long, long time. What do you think is the answer to that?" He was smiling at her, a real smile that calmed Hermione out of her previous embarrassment. Besides, she couldn't go against her nature, no matter how awkward she felt: it was automatic for her to answer to a question.

"Yes."

"_Yes_, of course my family was among the believers! And very proudly so as well. They even threw him a party at the summer estate once. The event of the year." At the memory, Sirius couldn't help the repugnance in his tone as he spoke. "The main topic of discussion between most of the young socialites was whether it was better to sterilize muggleborns, concentrate them into isolated communities or simply kill them off right away. Interesting conversations."

The irony in his voice did nothing to mask his feelings, but the sudden deathly silence in the room was what chilled Sirius to the bone for the first time that day. One look around the frozen faces and wide eyes around the room and he understood that he shouldn't have spoken so plainly. In that moment he hated himself: those kids didn't need to hear his shit. He shouldn't have tainted them with one of his filthy memories. The reason that Sirius had made this false step was multiple-faced however: he wasn't used to talking about this nor did he know any other way of talking but the 'plain and simple' one.

"I'm sorry guys, I shouldn't have been so coarse about it." Sirius said, softening his tone. He met Hermione's eyes as he said that, probably because she was the only one that looked pale enough to pass out. God, he felt like such a fucking waste of human flesh as he looked at her.

But even though she looked like she didn't have one drop of blood circulating in her head, her eyes were strong, determined, her jaw set stubbornly.

"Why not? I'm not afraid of the truth. That's the only way you should talk about it: the way it happened." With her eyes she was fearless, but hands were not so far from shaking. "I've read that the McKinnons didn't support Voldemort right t from the beginning." She then adds with a much steadier voice and a calmer face and everyone was glad that she was the one to change the subject first.

"No, they didn't. And here's where things get interesting: neither Marlene nor her older brothers ever attended any of those parties. It was the McKinnon way of saying that they were not going to back any of it up, and truly, when it came down to it, the McKinnons never moved a finger to help Voldemort in any way… But they never tried to stop him either." Sirius clarified as if it was a very important part that needed to be pointed out.

"And they could have. If the McKinnons had put some resources into it, they could have stopped Voldemort from rising so fast, given the rest of us some time to prepare. But they didn't. They didn't pick a side and that's when the trouble started for them."

"The fact that she is part of a pureblood power-hungry family is not very heartwarming."Harry said as he looked at Marlene, whose face was hidden behind the long thick curtain of her almost black hair.

"Marlene was one of the first to realize the true nature of the war that was coming, way before it really started." Remus said in a low voice, as if by speaking too loudly he would awaken some unwanted memory that would frighten him. Sirius chuckled darkly though.

"Well, of _course_ she was. Her father was getting constant invites to be the second in command to it!" Sirius's joking tone was only half faked. He seemed to take real pleasure from de-mythologizing this family. It was as if he could find a reasonable fault with every single good thing they had done.

"She joined the order even before us two and your parents did however." He couldn't help but admit that, because he had decided that he was going to be fair. And it was flair to admit that Marlene had started waging organized war against Death Eaters before Sirius James and the whole lot of them even got out of Hogwarts.

"But I thought the McKinnons didn't take sides during the war…" Hermione said, looking from Sirius to Remus in turns, confusion written all over her face.

"Her family didn't. She did however – under false identity, like most of us at the time." Remus explained. "At some point she convinced her parents and brothers to go underground and stay there for their own good. She always feared of them being targets for some reason. She was right." Remus stopped to take a gulp of his pumpkin juice but it seemed like the movement was mechanical. He'd stopped because had needed a pause and the silence of the room suddenly became ominous and heavier.

"The last year of the war was the worst, everything was going to hell. Our people kept dying, Death Eater ranks kept growing. But after the Purge, everything got worse."

"The Purge?" Harry repeated, surprised that he had never heard about this before. But he saw how the twins exchange a somber look, Ron shivered a little the way he did when he was deeply uncomfortable and Hermione looked down for a moment as if she wanted to interrupt her train of thought. She knew what this 'purge' was and going from the look on her face, the deep from on her forehead, it wasn't anything good.

Remus cleared his throat. "I've always felt that Voldemort been waiting for the chance to pull something like that for a long time. What he did to the McKinnons was his statement of power; they were supposed to be his proof of invincibility." Remus paused to take a deep breath. The room was so quiet that the breathing of separate people could be heard. Harry had a feeling that he knew what was going to come after this. After all, when it came to Voldemort it didn't take much imagination to know how the story ended…

"They were exterminated, a one-night action to wipe their name off the face of the earth. Wherever they were, all those part of the family tree were assassinated. Close family friends and main business associates weren't spared either. The death toll was never made public, but sources inside the ministry told us it was about 50 … There are no official reports about that night, not even a full investigation was conducted. Truth is the ministry never made anything public. All was hushed up very carefully." And now Remus's tone was bitter, but there was no denying the hint of dormant anger lying their underneath his painfully restrained voice.

But it was his eyes that made Harry stare, the sudden void in them that made them look glassy. In the silence that stretched those short moments, something passed between Sirius and Remus, in the one look they exchanged. In that one moment, they were wearing the same look on their faces, as if it were a mask. Harry saw it in Sirius's eyes as his godfather lighted up a thin cigarette. It was as if for a moment, they weren't even there. As if they were somewhere else entirely, looking at something nobody in the kitchen could see.

"There were rumors that Marlene had survived the massacre because we never found her body… and also, because a couple of days after the Purge there was an attack on the Malfoy manor. It was just like her to do something stupid like take revenge on her own… but we never saw her again. Officially, she died with the rest of her family. She's listed as a KIA of the first war." Sirius concluded as he put out the bid of his finished cigarette on directly on the table, without bothering to reach for an ashtray. Maybe he didn't even realize what he was doing…

Ron frowned in confusion. "Listed as what?"

"Killed In Action." Hermione automatically explained which made Ron nod with an 'oh' of understanding.

"Why do you think it was her?" Harry asked, a deep frown pulling his eyebrows together. "At Malfoy manor, why do you think it was her if she was supposed to be dead?"

"The style. There had been five handmade bombs planted around the manor. They left the building barely standing, killed fifteen of the people inside. Rumors were that the Malfoys and Bellatrix barely escaped alive." The was a smirk pulling Sirius' lips as he spoke that wasn't entirely benign. Harry could understand why. "And the ministry found seven bodies that had been dead before the explosions – their throat was either cut from ear to ear or their neck broken. Marlene was the only witch I knew that liked to use knifes and muggle-style explosives. She loved anything to do with fire, explosives and knifes were her favorite weapon. Her hobbies had never been harmless."

"Everything got worse after the Purge. Our safe places kept being found, our protections breached. So many people died, it was chaos and fear everywhere and it went on for about six months." Remus added. But what he was really wondering, what he had wondered over and over again for as long as he could remember, were doubts and questions over Wormtail's involvement in the last and worst six months of the war. The escalation of their failures and deaths in the Order had been phenomenal. Dumbledore was certain there was a mole inside the Order, but they never thought…

"The thirteenth of May, when the Purge took place, is a mourning day in memory of those that fell in the first war. People stopped saying Voldemort's name after that." Hermione murmured and Harry turned to look at her confused.

"How do you know that?" He asked skeptically.

"Stupid question, mate." Ron warned in a murmur.

"If you had paid any attention during History of Magic, you would know too." But she spoke slowly, not snapping at him like she usually did when it came to Harry's lack of seriousness for him academic career. She had a concentrated look on her face, like she wasn't really paying attention at him even as she talked to him. It was the way she looked when Harry asked her a question when she was reading a book and she responded without even lifting her eyes off the page. She did snap however, just a couple of seconds later, but not at who was expected. She was looking from Remus to Sirius.

"You knew her, right? You must have." She had not said it as a question. It was a statement, sounding almost like an accusation, to Remus first, and then to Sirius as she turned to look at him too. As usual, she had scrutinized into things that most people didn't. She had counted the years. Remus was surprised, but after a moment, his expression was almost sardonic before settling to polite appreciation. Sirius didn't give out any reaction but a little smirk.

"Yes, we did. She was in our year, but she was a bit older than us – I think by a couple of years. We weren't exactly civil to each-other most of the time though, since… well…" Remus seemed to be at lost for words for a moment. He looked almost embarrassed.

"You'll see for yourself." Sirius said with a snort. "The more we knew her, the more convinced we were that she was a going to be a good Death Eater someday."

Harry found himself confused. Nothing about this person seemed to be simple! She was a pureblood, but she fought hard against Voldemort. She was important enough for the resistance to earn her a kill by the beast himself, but Sirius never liked her because at school she seemed to be bound to be a Death Eater?

"I don't get it. I thought you said she was one of the first to join the Order?"

Sirius shrugged. "She was. But before that… Well, let's just say that back then a person couldn't afford to have interest like Marlene's and still play the credible good guy. The role fit her like a glove really."

"What kind of interest? Was she a follower of the Dark Arts?" Hermione asked as she leaned a little forward, as if this was a very interesting lesson.

"She never practiced Dark Arts. She was only a slightly… eccentric character, mostly because her hobbies were of the dangerous variety."

"Umm, Remus…"

"Yes, Hermione?"

"I don't understand."

Remus smiled at her reluctant tone. "She liked building pipe-bombs and practice throwing knives and things of the like. Also, she was never nice to anyone, people generally either feared or hated her…"

"And for good reason. Her arrogance and conceit, her selfish distain for the feelings of others are yet to be matched." Sirius mumbled. Remus sighed deeply as if tired, but he didn't contradict.

"But she was a brilliant potion-maker though, the greatest talent Hogwarts had ever seen really. Which is probably how she managed to make a time traveling potions strong enough to get her here." Remus seemed to want to give her at least some positive characteristic, but Sirius apparently didn't agree. He snorted at what Remus said.

"Oh yeah, she was brilliant alright. Her area of expertise was poisons. She was a real genius when it came to those. It came in handy during the war though, gotta admit that." The sarcasm in Sirius' tone was poignant enough to sting like a bee. Alright then, Harry thought, his godfather seriously did not like this Marlene character.

"Lots of Marlene's peculiar talents came in handy during the war." Sirius continued and this time, his voice was dark. "Like her unparalleled knowledge of the dark Arts and fine appreciating for torture for instance."

"She sounds dangerous!" Hermione squeaked, her eyes wide with disbelief and shock. Sirius gave her a weak smile, as if he had been expecting that kind of reaction, as if he had heard it many times before.

"The world is not divided in good people and Death Eaters, Hermione. It never was. Fear makes us see it that way, but it doesn't make it real. And when war starts waging, things are never simple. We all did what we had to do. Marlene's 'talents' as Sirius puts it, saved many lives." Remus said giving his old school friend a long steady look. "No, she wasn't the most sociable and polite girl in school and she scared people sometimes, but if left alone, she was a harm to no one."

At this Sirius's eyes gave the first spark of anger.

"Stop trying to justify her actions just because you feel guilty. We don't own her _anything_." Harry had never seen Sirius like that. It was as if a shadow had fallen over his face, darkening his features, thickening his heavily frowned brows and thinning his lips.

"Trying to justify our _acts_ with her verbal impertinence, or viciousness as it sometimes was, is a greater wrong than trying to excuse her from any of her faults. As far as I remember, before we locked her up in the Restricted Section, her only real fault toward us was rudeness." This time, when he spoke, Remus was very calm, and strangely, after what he said, Sirius seemed to fall quiet as well even thought he was still frowning and grabbing the bottle of butterbeer much more tightly that he should. He looked at a spot on the table and didn't look up for a while. Somewhere along the way, this had turned into an argument that went farther back than any of the present people in the room could understand.

Harry stared at the two remaining links to his family and he couldn't stop wondering just what they were exactly talking about. Then, a thought started drifting inside his mind. He never realized until now, how much he didn't know about Sirius's life, about his time with his parents mostly. He didn't know why he didn't ask more questions. Maybe it was because he knew deep down that Sirius was as much afraid of talking about Harry's parents as Harry himself was. Curiosity flared in him like a vortex of longing for a home he never knew. And right on the heel of that feeling was a strange emptiness, that usually settled in his stomach and came up on his throat, stopping his questions, whenever he wanted to ask them.

It was Remus's voice that tore Harry from his thoughts. He hadn't realized, but the silence hadn't been that long, he was just lost in his head. Remus hadn't let it become uncomfortable.

"As you may have understood, we weren't exactly bosom pals. To tell the truth, it's not easy to remember who started the tension. I suppose that it stopped mattering after a while. We were too different to understand each other and we stopped trying. Eventually we grew up and the war started to become more and more real, so things changed." Remus said simply, as if all controversy stopped there.

"No they didn't. She fought on our side, sure, but she was still the same Marlene."

"You didn't seem to complain about that when she saved your life after Mulciber poisoned you that one time." Remus pointed out looking at Sirius with a small meaningful smile. Sirius shrugged.

"Didn't say I did." He said, making Remus roll his eyes at him.

"I can hear you rolling your eyes at me Lupin." Sirius said without looking at his friend at all, a little smirk oulling at his lips and Harry couldn't help but smile. Remus only reply was a shake of his head and a smile. Sometimes Harry could picture them when they were younger so clearly. They must have been a fantastic lot.

"Either way, for those who fought there was no middle way: You were either with us or against us. And Marlene clearly showed which side she was on, in a way that ended all discussion." This time Remus's voice was final.

Harry wanted to hear more, but not about this girl. He wanted to hear about the war, about how it had been back then, how it had been fought. He wanted to know them, Remus and Sirius, his father and mother, what they had done how they had lived. But the argument didn't stretch, because as if she had been called on, the girl moaned as if in pain and everyone turned her way.


	7. Chapter 6 - Beast in chains

**_Chapter 6 – Beast in chains_**

_Have you ever felt that kind of anger that just makes everything spin faster? Time ceases to exist when you are in that kind of gear. You never even hear yourself think, the words just come out of your mouth, straight from the whirlpool that is your soul…_ _When that happens and you're in front of your enemy, then beware. Because loosing it that way in front of someone who wants to harm you is not just naïve, but stupid too. There is no amend for it. _

_If you enemy takes one peek into your bare soul, he knows the best ways to destroy it. The moment he angers you, you go down, he concurs you. In war, one moment of desperation can cost you everything…_

"Everyone out, quick!" Remus whispered when he noticed the girl had began stirring. This part had been explained to them before. They would have to wait outside, until Sirius and Remus could calm Marlene down and explain to her what had happened. It seemed pivotal that she understood it well and if Harry hadn't known better, he would have sworn that there were traces of nervousness on Remus's face. Harry could understand the necessity to be clear about the situation. After all, waking up decades in the future would be a _little_ confusing.

The Weasleys were exiting the kitchen, but Harry was frozen in his steps, watching the girl that was stirring from the magically-induced sleep. Out of nowhere, he suddenly was very angry with this girl he didn't know, and now he wasn't moving merely out of stubbornness. He wanted her to see him, because he knew that it was wrong… which was why he wanted it. He was curiously hateful of the unknown girl sitting on that chair that had had more time with his parents than she ever deserved. Everyone had had more time with his parents. Everyone but him. This brought out all of the frustration he didn't even know he had in him, hidden in secret places of his soul… Truly, he didn't even care why he hated her, but he was sure that the feeling was purely selfish.

He saw her look up through the thick tangle of her hair, saw as she blinked her drowsiness away. She was quick to look around her and saw the people shuffle out of the room. She saw Harry too as he stood there staring at her. As her eyes locked with his, he found himself frozen in place. Her gaze was sharp, her eyes gleamed in the dimness of the fire, like a wolf's in the dark.

"Harry, we really should leave before…"

"Potter…?" It was just a ragged whisper, but he had seen her lips move and the kitchen was so silent he heard her as if he had been right next to her. Harry was dazed. How did she know who he was, she was supposed to be from the past… He saw her eyes widen, her face turning from confused to smoldering anger in a heartbeat. There was no fear in her eyes, only hatred, her unnaturally pale face deformed with disgust, the features contorted into a strange ugliness. She looked wild, almost insane and dangerous, like she was about to jump as his throat and rip it open with her teeth. There was something feral about her face, about her hate, that warned him she would really do it if she could.

Harry hadn't fully comprehended what Sirius had been trying to led on about this girl, but he was about to find out.

"_Potter, you bloody asshole_!" She screamed so loud her voice ricocheted off the walls and everyone froze like a tableau. The girl withered in her seat, like a wild animal caught in a trap, desperately trying to free herself from her magical bonds. Failing to do so, elicited a strange, savage scream from her that seemed to come from directly her chest and not her throat. In the back of his mind Harry had enough presence of mind to think that this was what people meant when they spoke of screaming their lungs out. He was sure that if she hadn't been tied, he would have had trouble holding her back. Instinctively he planted himself more firmly on the ground and reached for his wand. Hermione and Ron were instantly by his side.

"You miserable, two faced, sick _fuck_!"

"_Out_, out now!" Hermione almost dragged him out and closed the door behind her, and the screams of the girl were muffled, but he could still hear her from behind the door.

"Listen to me!" Sirius's voice filtered out. Harry had never heard his godfather sound so harsh, his voice so strained and cold.

"_Fuck you_!" It was loud and clear, and it made Ginny gape like a fish and Ron raise an eyebrow. The twins had a bemused looks on their faces wile Hermione looked positively shocked. They heard rustling and a crack like wood smashing. There was a moment of silence. They didn't hear what Remus said next but the girl's response was still as loud.

"You can suck my hairy bird, piss-bag!" The girl yelled and Harry winced, while Ron murmured _'Merlin's beard'_ . He had never before in his life heard a girl say something like that. At that point, Hermione had put a silencing spell on the walls, stopping the voice from seeping to their ears.

"What a dreadful girl!" she whispered, careful not to wake up anything, urging everyone to climb the stairs. Ginny chuckled.

"She is quite vocal, isn't she?" Ginny said once they were all in the room upstairs.

Fred leaned against the doorframe. "Body of a babe…"

"…Mouth of a sailor!" George echoed.

"Just my type." Fred concluded with a smirk.

"And the mind of a mass murderer, don't forget." Ginny added, looking more pensive than Harry had ever seen her.

"Who cares? Moody has the mind of a mass murderer and he's all right." George said with a smirk

"It never stopped him from being the greatest auror ever to have lived." Fred added.

"You planning on asking Moody out, brother?" Ginny teased.

"You planning on lining up any more boyfriends, sister?" Ginny swung her arm to try and hit him, but missed narrowly.

"Still, I hope for your sake that what she suggested to Remus is technically impossible." Ginny said as Hermione blinked twice as if wanting to chase the image from her mind. Ron chuckled low. They were in the boys room now, and the door was firmly locked behind them.

"Blah, with that handsome rear and tits, even if I did find something extra, I'd just hang my hat on it." But this time Fred spoke low, so that only his twin could hear him. George chuckled at his twins antics.

Harry didn't say anything. Because even though distracted by small talk during those few minutes, Harry hadn't really forgotten there was a screaming girl downstairs that didn't quite belong there.

oOoOoOo

Sirius put a Silencing spell on her before she could exhibit her colorful vocabulary again.

"Calm down, listen to me and I promise I'll let you loose from those ropes." He said with a mild tone, as if he really was trying to pacify her. Marlene glared daggers at him and spit on the ground mere inches from his feet. Useless to say, she didn't believe him. She tried to get free as Sirius approached, but when he got near her enough to touch her, then she stopped moving and stared right into his eyes, her breathing shallow and fast. Even thought her anger was holding her panic at bay for now, she still felt the fear of the unknown at the sight of the man before her.

"Calm down and look at me. I will not hurt you… for now."

His tone was cold, harsh, his eyes hollow of any emotion. Their emptiness urged her to believe the contrary of what he had just said, but she looked at him anyway. What she saw was an unwashed, maybe middle aged man, who may have been handsome once, but hadn't shaved for a while and was dressed in old robes. She saw his gray eyes and they were like lifeless stones and she shivered. Was she really going to die this time? There was no way she could make it alive, there were too many of them. The man with the shaggy clothes and light brown hair was right behind the one that was talking to her.

"This vial contains Veritaserum." The man with gray eyes said calmly, coolly, as if making everyday conversation about the weather. With the same detachment. There was something vaguely familiar about him, something Marlene felt she should remember. Maybe she had caught sight of him when he had been watching her, before kidnapping her… How the hell had he gotten to her inside Hogwarts?! That stupid old man had promised she would he safe there!

_Mental, psychotic old fool with a stupid white beard and the eyes of a mad man! Fuck him and all the fucking small gadgets on his fucking thin legged table that gets to my fucking nerves every fucking time!_

_Because being angry at Dumbledore for letting her down was easier than being scared shitless of the situation she was in right now. But despair was not too far from anger really. Because she really didn't want to die. And more than angry at Dumbledore she was angry at herself for trusting him. she had trusted him with her safety because everyone said that he was this grand wizard. But he hadn't been able to protect her._

_You promised me I'd be safe, old man… You lied._

"We will both take some, so that you will know we are not lying." Remus watched her intently as he opened the thin vial and drank a few drops before passing it to Sirius. Her eyes were shining with a hate he recognized. She was watching him so intently it would have been uncomfortable in other situations. She watched Sirius as he got ready to give it to her too. She tiled her head to the side, refusing, trying to put up a struggle, a scowl on her face.

_I'm going to reach down your throat and rip your lungs out…_

"Stop imagining ways to kill me and do as I say… or I will make you." Marlene spit at him right on the face. The grey-eyed man whipped it out slowly with his sleeve, seemingly very calm. The little tug at his cracked lips, that almost smile suggested more cruelty to her than anything else he could have dome. It scared her almost as much as that screaming in the corridor had, before she blacked out. _Oh God…_

"Don't you think that if we really wanted to kill you, then we would make it quicker, or more painful?" the man with the light brown hair asked her. She sneered and found she could talk again. She hadn't even noticed the charm being lifted, and the realization made her heart sink. So they were good with magic. She saw her windows of opportunity close in and become invisible. She was outnumbered _and_ out-talented…

"You tell me." She whispered coldly.

_I'm going to die…_

"We are _not_ going to kill you!" The gray-eyes man said, the irritation in his voice more vivid this time. She didn't believe him. It occurred to her though that he couldn't lie, if the veritaserum was real.

What was Potter's role in all of this? Sure, she wasn't the most charming person in the castle, so she had been told, and she knew that he basically hated her. To tell the whole truth, she hated him too… but to go as far as kidnap and very possibly kill her was a bit of an overreaction. And besides, James Potter was not of that kind to have someone killed like that, in cold blood. Not even someone like Marlene.

Unless Black was on it too. Because if he was - she was screwed

"What, Potter isn't man enough to come finish me himself." She saw the surprise flicker in the gray eyes and continued.

"Too much of a chicken to finish me off so he lets his Neanderthals do the dirty shit for him?" Neither of them men spoke, so she went on. "Tell me something before you kill me: who paid you? Was it Potter… or Black?" She saw the gray-eyed man go rigid, as if something in him had frozen. Ah… so it was true. This was Black's doing.

"You know what I think… I think it was Black. It was him wasn't it." And it wasn't a question anymore, it was a statement. Which earned her some manhandling and nothing more. The man with gray eyes moved so fast she didn't even see it. His wide raw hand grabbed her jaw easily, from ear to ear, forced her mouth open and dropped the potion in it. She tried to bite his hand, and as soon as she got hold of a finger she dug her teeth in it hard. The man hissed and backed off her watching her with distain and anger. But the deed was done. Whatever had been in that flacon, it was now inside her. And she knew enough about potion to be afraid.

"Neither James Potter or Sirius Black got you into this mess. You did it yourself, like always." The man with light brown hair said with an even tone, extending a hand to signal his friend to stay back. The man she bit seemed like he was going to assault her or something. Then after a breath…

"Who are you?" He asked her, severely and she had no choice but to answer him truthfully.

"I am Marlene McKinnon." She felt the words get out of her lips before she could stop them. But now it was her turn for a question and she asked the one that would get him right to the point, and clear her fate for her. After all, they had taken the veritaserum too.

"Are you going to kill me?"

"No." Said the man with light brown hair, but the other one just smirked, looking at that moment like a true murderer.

"I'm seriously considering it." He said, his smirk widening. And he couldn't be lying.


	8. Chapter 7 - Never wonder

**Chapter 7 ****_– _**_Never wonder what Alice felt like in Wonderland_**_ …_**

_If I had a world of my own, everything in it would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, would and would be with floral bonnets and scared faces and pink hair and silly clothes. _

_Rabbits in it would be late and flowers would be vain and arrogant and there would be twins that finished each other's sentences and boys with red hair and others with scars on their head and too familiar eyes on a too much hated face. And everyone would be mad there… nobody would escape the lunacy. _

_There would be people that would scream "Off with her head!" from portraits and there would be cats that looked at you with twinkling eyes and talked in riddles just to be annoying. There would be lots of darkness and beheaded creature hanging off the walls. _

_I never imagined it would have been so dusty though… _

**She** tried to breathe steady and rhythmically. The professor hadn't really changed, in a way. Looking at him it was easier to believe that all the load of crap those other two had said was just that – a load of crap.

Dumbledore was the same tall, skinny old man she remembered from yesterday. His enigmatic look was still the same, the way his eyes studied her was still the same, with his glasses on the bridge of his crooked nose. Even his small smile under the snow-white beard was still just as mystical as it had been a day before. He was dressed in the most extravagant violet robe, decorated with small stars and moons, looking ridiculously magical… just as he always looked.

But Marlene couldn't deny that he was a little different and she was observant enough to tell. His beard was longer, and the webs of his face were more tangled, the wrinkles on his forehead more pronounced. Which said to her that a few years had passed in the last few hours.

As a person with a certain capability for understanding difficult theoretical problems, she knew that it was possible, even though highly improbable. What were the chanced that a healer would be near to the spot she had landed after traveling through decades? One in a billion? But it had happened. Her uncanny destiny had showed her that even when she was dealt a shitty hand, it always came with a silver lining.

She was alive.

Dumbledore had confirmed the story the other two told her and then he had explained her what she already knew: that there was to be no question, no inquiring about anything related to or referring to herself or society in general at all, be it past of future. Marlene knew that she had to follow those rules. Terrible things had happened to wizards that had meddled with time, she had read about most of them.

Vexing as they were, these restrictions gave her a little hope. If the old man was so strict about these things, it meant he believed that she was going to get back to her own time. Yes there was hope. It flared in her, strengthened by denial that she would have to spend any more time than necessary in a world she was so utterly unfamiliar with.

Then, after making sure she was ok, Dumbledore had explained _where_ she was... and said that the nightmarish house was the safest place for her to be in. A headquarter, a place where nobody could find her, somewhere she could be safe – thought, as elusive as ever, he hadn't explained what it was that she had to be protected from. What was it she should be hidden from: her older self, her family, society in general?

When Marlene asked this to Dumbledore, the old coot said that these were questions that would lead to more questions and answers that she wasn't supposed to know… But if she wasn't supposed to know than why was she here? Was it a fluke of fate? Maybe she was _supposed_ to travel though time and have these information. And at this Dumbledore had smiled that mystical smile of his and told her that it was very possible that she was right.

Then he had left. Just like that… She had to admit, even in her state of confusion and anger, that the quiet exit he made was unlike him. It was not, how to say… grand enough for the ridiculous robe he had been wearing and that fabulous beard he carried around (honestly, with that length, Dumbledore's beard had to have its own sanitary license). He always left such an air of mystique behind him, always talking in riddles. Marlene admired his intellect and envied his superiority as well as respected it, but there was this thing that couldn't make him likable… he was honest, but he was never _straight _with people. He never told the whole truth. He gave information only on need-to-know basis. Which meant Marlene had never fully trusted him.

"How… how many years have I skipped again?" Her throat was raw and burning, her voice had stuck in her throat and came out like a croak. The tall man in shaggy clothes, who had introduced himself as Remus Lupin conjured a glass of water for her. She was seated at the table now, her hands free, with angry red mark where the ropes had held them.

"Twenty-three, give or take a few months."

_Twenty-three years…How is this possible? _

Marlene had glued her eyes to the table. Despite knowing very well that she couldn't see her family, she found herself wondering… what would they think if she showed up in their doorstep, 23 years younger? She couldn't do that, her mother would suffer a cardio-vasectomy… She didn't even want to imagine what Charles and Henry would do. Her father might be a little more reasonable, if he listened to her, but she doubted that he would believe her. Marlene herself hardly believed it! Oh wow, what if she met her older self?! She _couldn't_ meet herself, it would be worse than a Greek tragedy! If she was as paranoid at 41 as she was at 18, then she would end up killing herself with her own hands. She shivered at the thought.

"What exactly were you doing that caused this?" Marlene looked up and saw the so called Lupin again. He was older, of course, gray haired and looked as if he had been through a meat-griller. His voice and face were rough, many gray hairs in his unshaved cheeks too. Too many years showed on his tired face. He didn't look as scrawny as he looked when he was 16 though, in fact he looked much healthier than she had ever seen him. As he looked at her with the same soft glint in his eyes, his voice a warm baritone, reassuring, trying not to scare her, she was sure that he hadn't changed as much in character as he had in looks.

"I'm not going to have a breakdown, relax. I can handle myself under pressure." She said slowly, making him chuckle. Yes he did remember that, he knew that she was a strong person, that she could take anything.

"Yes, I know you can…" Lupin gave another smile while other guy snorted and took a large gulp of his drink. He hadn't introduced himself yet, he hadn't said a single word since professor Dumbledore had arrived. He just had kept looking at her in that weird way that suggested nothing good.

He was the one Marlene needed to watch out from, she felt it.

OoOoOoOo

Silence stretched between you again, she looking at the glass before her and you were looking at her, guarding her. She is concentrating on the surface of the table and you know that she is adding numbers up in her head. Her forehead is wrinkled in concentration. You watch her close her eyes slowly and you realize that she knows now too… that if this was a normal case of time travel, she was trapped and would remain so for a long time. And you're annoyed that you don't know what is going through her head, but you take a wild guess that she is probably thinking of her family and of a way to get around the notoriously unbreakable rules of time-travel… And you figure that since she managed to get around death, than the odds of defying anything else in her way are pretty good.

As you look at her, you try to understand who is the girl you are seeing. The first thing you notice about her, the first thing you _search_ for, is her face. Not to see the features she was born with but something _on_ them. Those three lines on her skin that had always made looking at her in the face for too long something that was easier said than done. But as you stare at her you realize that it's not that way anymore. The violence she wears so proudly on her face does not have the same effect on you anymore. So you keep looking. The thin scars on her face are a shade lighter than the rest of her skin-tone. You see them, stare at them, remembering when they were at their worst and how she wore them so proudly, so stubbornly, never trying to hide them.

You remember her - like hell you would forget! - but she just seems so much different now. You have other memories of her burned in your mind, memories of her as a woman, not a schoolgirl. This is a version of the woman you knew. It sounds like an opportunity to know her, but it feels like a trap. This is _Marlene_ McKinnon you are talking about. Everything about her, at any faze, at any age, always has a catch.

You know it's not about the age… after all she was only 23 or something when she died. It's the impossibility of the situation, the fact that she is now like you remember her when in school (i.e. _impossible_ to talk to) and you are … well, you are Sirius Back after a life of fighting and 13 years in Azkaban. It was the fact that you didn't really know her when she was in school. That you never cared to know her, you were very much content in hating her without restrain. And now she is here, alive, and you aren't really sure how to feel about that. You know who the girl I front of you is going to become… the problem is that you don't know who is the one standing there at the moment.

And in her case, not knowing what to expect represents a problem.

You know something about her limits though, about what she was always capable of. That does not depend on age. Whatever **_it_** is, people are either born with it or not. And if they have it, it always shows. On different magnitudes, but it will find a way to eventually show itself. It's part of the character, who we are. It's the darkest side of us, the side we want nobody to see, be it for shame, pride or even strategic purposes. Those kind of dark things are always in us from birth, like reflexes or instincts we are born with. You know that age doesn't really make a difference in this kind of thing. People cannot stop being who they are, _any_ part of who they are, it would be like trying to stop breathing and survive anyway.

And Marlene… she was from that rare, angry kind of person that wore the worst side of herself on her sleeve. She _liked_ scaring people, liked the feeling of control it gave her. And she was fanatically egocentric enough to never censure what she thought because she lived under the delusion that she was always right. All her life she had been the one person in the room to voice aloud what everyone were afraid to even think. The girl in front of you may not be the one you used to know, at least not yet, but the only thing you need to know about her is that she is trouble. The youngest, spoiled little girl of a rich powerful family always is, and you have always known that.

She sits there, calm like a bomb, rebellious, rude and less controlled than you have ever seen her. The sight of her there stirs a storm in you, a violence like no other, something that can only be paralleled to murderous rage… but you control it. Because along with the revulsion comes an unnatural curiosity towards her. Hating her so much is not fair and you know it: she has not done that deed which you hate her for yet… but she will. You know that this knowledge will drive you mad if you think about it too long.

oOoOoOo

"I was trying to make an Apparition potion. I wanted it to be stronger, to cover more distance. I think I made a mistake when adding the Black Diamonds' dust. I tried to get away when I noticed something wrong, but apparently I was too late… I think I was able to make a shield charm, but I'm not sure it worked, because something hurt… like, _really_ bad. " Marlene was thinking out loud at this point, not noticing the look she was receiving from the other two, as she sank in her thoughts, going over her steps one by one as she tried to figure out what she had done wrong.

"How do you feel, by the way? You were in a pretty bad shape when we found you, but Hestia said you should be ok." Marlene snorted and put both her hands on the table.

"I feel like I have fallen off the astronomy tower again." She half-smiled at Remus

"Where did you get the Black Diamonds?" She looked into the gray eyes of the nameless man coldly. His tone and look seemed as if he was trying to provoke her. The way he was looking at her proved that it was not just her imagination.

She put on a poker face. "My father got them for me, as a birthday present." She knew that the Black Diamonds were illegal, and she wouldn't be surprised if they still were that way. Their main use was for timeturners, poisons and explosives… naturally the ministry wanted to keep those all for itself.

"Yes, I remember your father's gifts. They were almost as notorious as he was." She turned to look at the man, and found he was staring at her, looking as if he wished noting more than to put his hands around her neck until she became blue. She narrowed her eyes and glared back at him, defying. If he dared so much as hint at something about her family, she would smash the glass right on his head.

oOoOoOo

You see the way her hands tightened around the glass and you smirk, knowing exactly what she is thinking. She is more emotional than you remember her… or maybe you are better at pushing her buttons now since you know her better. You know that it's a bit of both. She looks tired and you know that she really is worn out, but she her eyes are sharp, their arctic-blue irises looking like they could cut through skin and bone.

You had forgotten what it felt like looking into her eyes and have her look back into yours. How it felt to have her defiant stare turned to you, to feel her fierce glare hit you in the face like a frozen fist. You had forgotten how limpid her azure eyes were, like that rare clear blue sky in the middle of snow covered January. Piercing like the air on the coldest winter day, that numbs your throat and freezes you lungs and your chest. Even though now they were sunken and encircled with dark circles, they were still as sharp and quick as always, sparkling with dangerous rage. You see her mouth tighten, her lips sealed together and you curse in your head loudly. No matter how old she is, her beauty was still like the rim of those sharp daggers she loves so much: lethal.

You curse her again and hate her more. She should have never come back… the dead should stay in their graves, not wander with the living. She should have stayed in her grave too!

She did not deserve the air she was breathing.

oOoOoOoOo

"You remember my father's gifts… So how come that I don't remember you?" What Marlene really wanted to ask him was '_Who are you_?', but she wasn't sure why she didn't. Her words just altered on their way out, something deeper than instinct telling her that it wasn't the right choice of words. As she took in his appearance for the first time, her eyes stopped at his blooded shirt and she remembered something from before.

"By the way, I regret now the yelling, and the cursing Remus… I don't regret your nose, whoever _you_ are. Seems like you had it coming sooner or later." She said looking at the man with gray eyes. Whoever he was, by the way he had been looking at her, she was sure he didn't like her one bit. Something violent glinted in his stone-cold eyes, the more she looked at him the more assured she became that he was someone who could be dangerous to her.

"It is understandable, you were frightened and with a good reason." Remus began, his reassuring tone seemingly genuine. Marlene wished the other man could get out of the room, but he just interrupted Remus again.

"You regret it, but you're not sorry, are you?" Marlene looked at the man dead in the eye. He was well built, tall, with big raw-looking hands and beneath that feeble shirt he was wearing she could tell that he had a lean, but strong body. His hold was steady – when he had grabbed her by the head an hour ago, she couldn't move an inch – and he was had fast reflexes. She was sure that counting on blunt force only, if he got a steady hold of her, he could break he bones like twigs. But that was not what made her so suspicious.

The ring of alarm he spiked in her had something to do with the look in his eyes… It felt like this man hated her for a million reasons she couldn't begin to understand. In the back of her mind, some strange curiosity nagged: what had she done to this guy to make him hate her that much? Was it because of her family? She knew that her father had many enemies; many hated him and wished him harm. It was a perfectly rational explanation and yet she couldn't help but feel that it was personal between them.

Anyway, to make matter worse, the only thing between _that_ man and her… was the glass of water in her hand. She tensed her muscles, feeling their dull ache once again, ready for anything, knowing full well that there was very little she could handle in that moment: her body only obeyed her unwillingly. She could barely feel the lower part of her legs. Her head was still spinning, a side effect of being stunned right after waking up from a concussion. She knew that all this meant she should shut the fuck up and not get herself in more trouble her ass could handle… but no, she was too proud to play safe.

"No, I'm not sorry at all."

She saw his eyes shine and a smirk on his lips. He looked soulless when he smiled like that. She was getting ready for a really good comeback to whatever he would say, but suddenly she remembered why she had the feeling that she had forgotten something and it completely threw off her attention. Her hand went unconsciously on her neck and she flinched, feeling only the bareness of her own skin.

"Who changed me from my uniform?" her tone was low, demanding, her eyes condemning, unforgiving as she looked at the two of them. Remus saw the little color she had left leave her face. Her hands started shaking.

"Marlene, calm down, breathe. You look like you're going to pass out any minute."

"Who took my clothes? _Where is my locket_? It was in the left pocket of my skirt, it can't fall out." When Remus tried to get a hold of her she got up and backed out from his reach, but didn't go far enough, because her legs would quite obey her. The prickling on the skin of her legs was starting to feel like needles poking at her.

"Molly changed you. Alastor Moody has your locket." She was already breathing fast, and Remus could hear the erratic beating of her heart. He took her by the arm, before she could back away from him fast enough again and pushed her towards a chair.

"Why did you take it?" She has hissing half from pain, half from anger.

"We needed to be sure it wasn't cursed."

"_What_? That is the stupidest thing I've ever…"

"Times have changed Marlene. Would you trust yourself if you were in our shoes?" Marlene remained silent in front of Remus' question.

"You can't open it. Nobody can do that. It was _made_ for _me_. And if you ruin it, I swear…" Her voice fell to a whisper that vibrated with threat. But Remus didn't seem to be bothered by her tone at all.

"You're going to have it back the way it was. It's just a precaution."

"I don't give a rat's ass about your way of doing things. You do not mess with my shit, I do not mess with yours. That's the universal way it works." She didn't hear the other guy snort, she was looking at Remus, hoping to be reasonable enough with him. Reason had always been Lupin's favorite game. He never followed through, but he still liked to play it.

"I want it back. That _not_ a request."

"You will. He is bringing it tonight. Eat something, please. You'll feel better."

"I feel fine." And yet, despite the strength of her assertiveness, her face was pale, her hands shaking and her breathing loud. Her eyes were fighting not to roll in the back of her head. She felt tired as if she had not had any sleep in days. But even inches from unconsciousness, she was still stubborn as hell.

"You don't look fine." Remus said softly.

"Gee, coming from you, that's beyond depressing!"

Remus smiled and knew that she was slowly coming back in her own skin. He saw her take the sandwich in her hand and unhurriedly bring it to her mouth. She took a tiny bite and chewed slowly. Before she had taken another the door had opened, a cascade of red hair made its way in, followed by other red heads.

"Come on, get a seat and introduce yourselves. Dinner will be ready soon." A round woman said and she headed strain for the back of the kitchen, not even glancing at Marlene. She sounded edgy, like she was on a roll or something. The others sat around the table with, not stopping the hchattering for a moment. It was not difficult for Marlene to guess who they were.

"Weaslies, I suppose." She said with the ghost of an expression, looking around the table. The twins beamed. The girl that was almost a head shorter than her, with a waterfall of flames cascading down her back that reminded her of Lily, looked at her with a raised eyebrow, and Marlene was tired enough to indulge her with an explanation.

"It's the hair. I haven't seen so many redheads at once since… since some morons transfigured the whole student body, making their hair red." She glanced at Remus and saw him smile with the corner of his mouth. She wanted to say '_a few weeks ago'_ but realized in time that it would not have been correct to use that particular expression at the moment.

"We should try that Fred!"

"Redecorate the Slytherins common room, that's better!"

"That's been done before too." Marlene interjected without enthusiasm.

"Don't even _think_ about it!" Came the voice from the kitchen with a few clattering, so threatening that the twins hushed their voices as they planned. The short woman came from the back and walked outside, but not before ordering everyone to '_be nice!' _ Marlene was sure that there was an unsaid "_or else"_ in the end of that sentence.

"I'm Ginny. We all know who you are."

"Super." Marlene's voice echoed the irony she felt. She was now the freak by definition.

"These are Fred and George, and that's Ron." One of the twins winked at her and the corner of Marlene's mouth came up faintly. The tall, lanky boy with sparkling blue eyes and freckles blushed deeply when she looked at him. Right next to him was a curly-haired girl with amber eyes that sparkled with intelligence… and something else that was not entirely friendly…

"Hermione Granger." She said curtly. Marlene 'hmmm-ed' in her general direction. Right on her left was the only kid in the room with black hair… and as she looked at him, she instantly remembered her fit, not 30 minutes ago.

"Harry Potter."


	9. Chapter 8 - Aquainted strangers

**Chapter 8 – **_The ambivalence of acquainted strangers_

_Whenever you think you know someone, stop and reconsider. Whenever you think you couldn't be surprised by this person, take a deep breath and think again. Because people are not absolutes, they're just people. We're all mixed bags and we grow into different directions, asymmetrically. _

_Don't trust your memory. Meet people you've known your whole life and look at them as if they were strangers. As if they can could do anything to you. And before you put your life in the hands of your friends, remember that those are the ones that can kill you faster than your worst enemies… and multiple times._

_Don't trust, period. That's always a fatal mistake. _

"Harry Potter." The boy said, looking straight at her. All Marlene could do was frown and stare, and add up years in her head, trying to reach a conclusion. She did so in 2.34 seconds, and forgot all about her tiredness. She didn't really think as she got up from her chair and stepped closer to him. Marlene had decided that she wouldn't expect anything from this boy. She would let him make the first move. And he did… by not saying anything until she spoke first.

"You're his son… I mean James's son!" she saw him nod. It couldn't be any other way, they were like two drops of water, exactly alike, minor differences couldn't count. She hadn't noticed the silence in the room. For James Potter's son, he seemed sure a hell of a lot more… _contained_. How the hell had that happened?!

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen."

He spoke so softly, his voice a little hoarse around the edges. It was amazing to her, but one minute in the conversation and he still hadn't done anything that would make her think of his father. James could make a royal pain in the ass of himself without even saying anything!

But this boy...

He was just standing there, looking at her with brows clamped on his forehead, an expression on his face that suggested mistrust and curiosity. She was close enough to touch him now. The awe and weirdness of the situation was making her dizzy… or maybe that was because of the headache she was stubbornly trying to ignore and failing. She felt like her head was swimming off her body.

"You're even as tall as he is… I guess I should say as tall as he used to be when he was 16… I was in sixth year yesterday… I mean… oh wow, this is really confusing." Marlene clamped her lips together refusing to let another word out. She didn't usually do the babbling thing, but hell, anyone would be having difficulties in her situation. Anyone!

She saw Potter boy gulp and his eyes shone with some undefined emotion. She supposed that's where the curiosity came from. Every kid would be curious to know how his father was as a teenager… probably to throw it at his face. She closed her eyes slowly feeling the burn as her lids slid over her eyeballs. God she was so _tired_.

Potter hadn't said a word and it was getting frustrating.

"You look so much like him, it's insane! You talk less though." Marlene said and smiled a little despite herself. Harry couldn't help smiling back thought the smile was so private she was sure it was not meant for her. Neither had noticed that the room was unusually quiet. She was about to ask him who his mother was, when she noticed something odd. Something incredibly familiar on that boy's face…

"No fucking way!" she whispered incredulously.

Harry almost fell backwards when the girl came so close to him, her small nose was almost touching his. He realized that he could see every possible variation of azure and in her cornflower eyes. They were so limpid, as if staring into deep, clear water. Someone in the room chuckled, someone whistled, another hissed, but he didn't hear any of this.

Then he saw something in her face that made his eyes widen as they traveled over her features. Three this lines, long-healed scars ran from her forehead to the middle of her cheek. The mark of claws, as if a beast had tried to dig its way into her skull. The lines were thin and paler than the rest of her, they stood out sharply from this close.

She was so concentrated, it kind of creped him out.

She distracted him though when she grabbed his jaw, not strongly, but decisively with one hand and brought herself so close that she was almost brushing up to him. Her heat was seeping through his T-shirt. For a moment, his eyes went uncontrollably to her lips, the ghost of the thought of kissing them in the back of his mind.

They were dry and cracked, and her bottom lip had some dry blood on it, probably where she had bitten at it, or taken a hit when she was stunned, he wasn't sure. They were slightly parted, and he could see the hint of white teeth beneath her lips…

"Wha… What are you doing?!" In that moment, he hated the way his voice sounded. But she was just _too_ close and he had nowhere to back off to. In a room full of Weasleys staring at him and Sirius, and Remus… and with a girl jumping at him, he was suddenly very self-conscious.

"You have green eyes." she spoke slowly, the incredulity in her voice as palpable her the heat of her. Harry didn't remember the last time someone had looked at him with that kind of concentration. He felt like squirming under that look.

"Yeah, so?"

She let him go and moved a few stepped away, crossing her arms over her chest. His eyes went over her like lighting, and then back on her eyes.

"Only one person I have met has eyes like that." She said it as if she were accusing him. This time Harry heard Sirius snicker, and he turned to see his godfather looking at the girl with an amusement Harry had never seen in his eyes.

"Oh my God…" She whispered as she looked Harry over. Harry saw the girl's eyes widen and her arms fell limp at her sides, as her mouth opened a bit in shock.

Sirius laughed at loud and Remus turned his head aside to hide his smile. Was he the only one not understanding what was so funny? As he looked around the room, he was sure that he was not alone in his confusion. Hermione was looking back and forth between Sirius and the girl, while Ron mouthed '_nutters'_.

"This is impossible!" The second time it was directed to Remus, as if Harry was a particular rude offence directed towards her.

Remus shrugged and smiled. "I'm afraid it's not, Marlene."

Harry was starting to become irritated. "Will someone tell me what is this all about?" However, she ignored his question and asked one of her own.

"Please don't tell me you mother Lily Evans." She said it as if it was the most improbable thing on earth. When Harry confirmed that he was, in fact, Lily's son, the look on her face was even more astonished.

Sirius laughed at her expression, with his characteristic laugh that sounded so much like a bark and the sound caught Marlene's attention another trail of thought starting in her head. She looked at the man with gray eyes for a few moments and then she took a deep breath, shaking her head as she finally understood. As he saw this, Sirius put his hands behind his head, dangling on is seat with a laid back attitude Harry had never witnessed, and smiled lopsidedly, looking at least 10 years younger. At the sight of this, any doubt Marlene might have had about his identity disappeared.

"Sirius Black. It is you right? You must think you're such a smart fuck, don't you?" Harry tensed, but Sirius just kept smirking at her in that playful way. Apparently she was rude all the time and Sirius was used to it. Remus stepped between them and everyone in the room got the feeling that this was not the first time this situation had occurred.

"Watch your mouth." Remus said to Marlene in such a severe way, Harry had never heard him talk, even when he taught at Hogwarts. Marlene limited herself with sneering at him.

"Or what? You're gonna spank me?" Her sneer turned into a strange smile, but Remus remained unfazed.

"I mean it. That means you too." This time, his stern words were directed to Sirius. "She may be 18, but _we_ are not teenagers anymore." Sirius threw his hands up, as if saying '_Hey, I'm not doing anything'_. However, despite his innocent puppy eyes, his smirk suggested other things.

"You know what Nancy, I'm standing right here. If you wanna talk _about_ me, talk _to_ me…" Marlene crossed her hands over her chest, showing a small smile at one corner of her lips. There was nothing benevolent about that smile. It was as if she was taunting him without a word.

"Nice to see you've grown some ball through the years though. Does that kind of prescription come in pills?" There was a coldness and defiance about her demeanor that hadn't been there 3 minutes ago. Remus seemed effected by this. She knew it by the way his back tensed at her words.

"Let's not get back to old vices." Remus said before Sirius could talk, and Sirius closed his mouth. He had turned serious once Marlene had started speaking to Remus, but was now smiling at her face for no comprehendible reason.

"The only thing _old_ in this room is the two of you." The girl said glaring a whole in Sirius's face, who smiled wider than before. She was so predictable… Remus sighed heavily shaking his head in defeat.

Sirius laughed, and everyone could see that he was enjoying himself. Her rigidity started to melt away slowly, but there was a coldness in her eyes that remained there the whole time. However she went to the table and sat down right in front of Sirius. Remus sat on her side, and the others took their usual places. Marlene kept looking at Sirius, who dropped his playful smirk and looked back with a light air of amusement.

"No wonder I didn't recognize you. What are you now, a thousand years old?"

"Close enough." Sirius replied and at this Marlene looked up, the surprise visible on her face.

"You _have_ changed…" It was an estimation, not a question.

oOoOoOo

You see that you surprised her, she isn't even trying to hide it. Maybe she is wondering too, if you are a stranger, just like you were wondering a few moments ago about her. Maybe she will realize that she indeed doesn't know you. You know what will happen afterwards, you know how her curiosity will flare. You feel your chest tighten at that knowledge… But if you make her think you are the same person, she will be completely out of your reach, and therefore, completely out of control. You will not be able to watch over her movements because she will never display herself in front of the Sirius Black she used to know. You will have to watch over your back all the time, watch over everyone's back…

"You will change too."

You hear yourself say that almost as if you're standing six inches behind yourself. You don't know why you whisper, but you are still looking in her eyes and the hostility that she always keeps there for you, isn't there anymore… at least for a moment. She is so in awe of your answer that she let her guard down. It a strange thing to look at.

"How?"

You don't answer at first. You see her irritation surface. You speak before she does.

"You will grow up."

"Cut the 'adolescent phase' bullshit please. I haven't been one since I was twelve."

"Let me give you some free advice."

"No thanks."

You go on as if she hadn't spoken "I wouldn't use a few chosen words in Molly's company, if I were you." You warn her, but you have a distinct feeling that she doesn't really care. After all, she never has before.

"Or what?"

"Oh, trust me, you don't wanna know."

As soon as you say the words you regret them. Those were not the best words to say her. You know that by the way her face freezes and even her mocking smile disappears, as if it had been whipped off her face with a slap. You see the way her expression changes, and from boiling water becomes frozen ice-cubes in a second. There is anger behind that sudden coldness of hers. Not everyone can see that, but some can. Remus sees it too. But what only you can see is the hurt behind her gelid glare. You feel a little tug in your chest and you know that you are sorry. You could tell her that, but she wouldn't believe you anyway, you would only confuse her more, anger her more… And her anger was never harmless. Marlene lived her emotions. She had no golden mediums. It was all black and white with her.

oOoOoOo

"If I remember correctly, the last time I trusted you I was when we were in fifth year I ended up with the mother of all concussions."

"Marlene, we are not schoolboys anymore. If you try to make that difference, everything will be easier." Sirius didn't know what else to say to her. He didn't want her to locking him out, he wanted her trust in some way. He was ready to deceive to have it. He didn't know what he would do with it yet, but he knew that things would be easier if she didn't consider him as an outright enemy.

"That's actually funny. I'm sure you can excuse my not laughing."

"Marlene… " Remus started, but she didn't let him finish.

"Things have changed, right? I can trust you and keep my neck unbroken, both at the same time now?" Under her eyes, it seemed like Remus was under accusation. He felt that way, but his outside was stoic.

"Yes."

Marlene gave Remus that little enigmatic small smile, the one that tugged only at one corner of her mouth and Remus felt every inch of his self-loathing. He knew that he shouldn't show it, that she would take advantage of his guilt, she would never understand it, never forgive. It was the way she was made. He wasn't sure he didn't deserve her hate… probably he did, but he wasn't going to let her know that.

"What happened to _you_ Ellen? You stopped sucking lollycocks long enough to speak your mind?"

There she goes. Remus knew she would say something like that. Not that bad… but something like it. Nobody had spoken to him that way in years. Nobody had spoken to him like that since _she_ had died. He was angered by it, but gathered his wits quickly, reminding himself who she was.

"Be careful Marlene. You don't wanna play hardball with people you don't know anymore." His voice was hard, his stare unmoving as he spoke. She knew that she had affected him, but she couldn't quite tell how.

"Hmm hardballs… dirty." There was mocking in her tone, in her semi smile. "Is that a threat or an invitation?"

"It's a warning. If you don't want to deal with reality, that's fine. Just remember the rules you have to play by. No talking about your past and future, no asking for information about anyone, especially old friends." Marlene looked at him long without blinking once.

"That song has already been sung, Charlotte." she said sounding jaded, rolling her eyes.

"Try to remember it. This means you too." Lupin gave a serious look to each of the kids in the room, stopping particularly long on Harry. They had been silent the whole time, so even thought Sirius Marlene and Remus had been talking in low voices, they had probably heard everything. From the look on their faces, they absolutely had. As he studied each of their faces, Remus knew that not all of them had understood anything about the exchange. Hermione would explain it to them anyway.

Marlene looked away from Sirius Black eyes and into the plate in front of her. She stayed that way, silent and shamelessly unresponsive to everyone throughout dinner. She was still trying to figure out her new situation, but it kept escaping her, she count wrap her mind around the magnitude of it. It wasn't seeping into her, she could conceive of it. She didn't know what to do, how to handle this. Consequently, she concluded that she couldn't solve anything going by reason. She had to go by instinct, and her instinct told her that the best solution was to follow the advice of an Admiral she had once met:

_When in doubt… fuck_

"So, what do you guys do for fun around here? Torture little animals?" She met the blue eyes of one of the twin, saw a smile that could only mean trouble… and smiled right back at him, her mind working on a different kind of trouble. 


	10. Chapter 9 - The nature of poisons

**Chapter 9 – **_The nature of poisons _

_When I was in first year, I was locked up in the Restricted Section as a prank. They didn't find me until after curfew. It's not different from the rest of the library really… that is if you don't count the fact that every possible dark, dangerous spell or potion's name is written in those pages. Books whisper them all the time, and if you concentrate enough, you can hear the screams too. Of course, after a while, you don't need to concentrate to hear them… after 5 hours, I couldn't tell the different between my screams and theirs. _

_They never mentioned in 'Hogwarts a History' _why_ it is forbidden to linger in the Restricted Section, it just says that people get lost there… But what that means is a bit more obscure. You see, it's not between the rows of books that people get lost, but inside their heads. _

_Because the Restricted section has some books that contain spells so ominous that the suffering they cause is forever enclosed between the pages. And at night they release it. _

_All that pain, if heard, an drive a person mad with grief. This is what almost happened to me._

_I guess this is one more secret I will never tell._

"Wow! When you said that you cleaned this place up… I thought you were joking!" She was in the living room, with the other kids, trying – and in her opinion failing – to help making the Frankenstein house become more livable. It wasn't worth it much though, no matter how much they dusted and cleaned, Marlene still thought it will forever look like the waiting room of hell. There were many floors to this house apparently. Personally, she thought it was a tremendous waste of space and trying to clean that was a stupid waste of time too. More than just dirt covered the surfaces. She didn't even want to get into the decoration. Who the hell uses elf heads to decor walls?! And snakes everywhere, so tacky! Come on people, get real!

"You guys need to hire a decorator with a strong stomach… or an exorcist." She said in a low voice.

"A what?" The tall redhead near the bushy haired girl turned towards her, confused.

"Nothing. It must be a challenge huh?"

"It is! It actually takes a couple of days to be really done with one room. I swear, this place hates us."

"Can't imagine why…" She turned to look at the twin whose name was apparently Fred and smiled at him in a way she knew he would appreciate. He had a nice body, not too tall, well built but not sturdy, confident in his charm with a boyish smile and eyes that always told a longer story every time he looked at her. He was so easy to read, even for her. No woman needed to be a legimens to know what was going on behind the eyes of a guy that smiled the way Fred was smiling at her.

"I never thought that the word 'house' could ever take such a loose interpretation." She said turning to look around the room. It could have been luxurious in a creepy way, in its best days… but now was just a pile of old furniture and dust, which had rested on them for so long, it would kick your ass if you tried to remove it. And yet, for all its foreignness, this place elicited something familiar in her. As if she'd seen this place before…

_Yeah right, in my nightmares perhaps._

"Well, you don't have to be afraid, if you break a nail washing the floors, Miss Weasley can fix it." Marlene looked at the curly haired girl who was empting some drawers in the trashcan. She had been right before: for some reason – and Marlene had a hunch of what that reason might be - this big-haired girl did not like her. Not only did she not like her, but what's worse, she even dared take her for some ordinary bimbo.

_I'm not even blond!_

Marlene smirked. Why not, she thought, it could be fun…

"Actually, I was more concerned about poisonous bites… like the one you are about to get." Hermione looked down to what she was doing and saw that a large black spider was making its way to her. She barely contained a screech and backed off a few steps. Marlene walked to the drawer and stretched her arm towards the spider slowly, taking it in her hand. She looked up to smile at her public. Fred looked fascinated, like he was four and she was performing a very interesting magic trick. The one that amused her most was the face of the tall, lanky kid. He looked like he was about to faint. She laughed.

"The Black Widow. Very rare. Very harmless… unless provoked, of course." She looked at Hermione, throwing a small smile her way and saw the girl's expression change from shock to understanding and then proud defiance. Marlene looked over to the frightened boy at Bush-hair's side as she played with the spider in her hand.

"Afraid of spiders Ronald?" She asked playfully. He backed away a few more steps until his back was at the wall, his face changing shades of purple every 2 seconds. Marlene smirked.

"You shouldn't be. They are very misunderstood creatures really. And their poison has the most fascinating qualities."

"Like what?" Fred had to admit that this girl was something unusual. Somewhat on the scary side, but in a magnetic way. The feeling she gave him was like the adrenaline rush that always came when he and George had just done a really good prank and barely gotten away with it. The mix of fear and excitement that gets the heart pumping and the nerves on the edge.

Marlene let the spider crawl over the back of her hand and on her palm, and as it was making its way on her arm she caught it with the other hand and trapped in her loose fist, her fingers like living bars. The black spider was restless in its new cage of flesh, attacking the bars with the long thin legs, trying in vain to escape. Marlene brought her fist in level with her eyes and looked at the black spider trapped between her fingers. The she turned her eyes to Fred, looking at him through her lashes like a predator, making him feel a pressure at the base of his spine.

"Two drops of this little baby's poison into a pint of the Draught of Living Death, and you get the fastest, quietest poison ever. It can stop the heart within 0.7 seconds and barely leaves any traces. The perfect assassin." Marlene looked up to at the people in the room and noticed that there was someone in that hadn't been there before. She smiled in a way she hoped he remembered. "Of course, the bright side is that you don't feel a thing..."

oOoOoOo

You are at the door. You open it quietly, wanting to be invisible, curious to see what is happening inside. It's too quiet. You look inside and you see her. She is standing by the old shelves where your mother used to keep the books about the Noble and Ancient family of Black. It was almost a whole wall full of them. You had told the kids to throw them out with the rest of the junk.

You see her, see the gray washed out, baggy pants low on her slim hips and the white T-shirt that hangs on her loosely and that leaves her bellybutton bare, along with the smooth skin of her stomach. She likes showing off her body, she is confident in it, you know that.

Your eyes are drawn on that patch of skin she leaves bare, you memory shoves unwanted images before your eyes, thoughts you are too worn out to feel guilty about. You look at her almost tanned skin again and this time you see something else. You see her the flatness of her stomach and the way her hipbones are a bit more pronounced than 2 days ago. You've known since a long time ago that she suffers from some obscure medical condition, that she takes medicinal potions once every three days regularly. You found this out during the war, when you were in one of those conditions where she had nothing to do but take the potions in front of you because there was nowhere to hide for privacy. Hestia has left potions for her this time as well – Dumbledore was able to get the formulas. And Marlene has been drinking them. You've seen the empty vials. You wonder if that has any effect on her eating habits. Wonder if her medicine is working at all…

Because you know that she is not feeling well even though she would never admit it to you or anyone in that house. She was unconscious for 5 days, and has only eaten a couple of sandwiches since she woke up two days ago. You know her, you say to yourself. You know her well enough to realize that she is not as well with this situation as she pretends to be. That means she is lying when she acts so comfortable. She is hiding something - which could be something dangerous - or maybe she is trying to hide her fear. As you think this you can't decide which one worries you most.

You can see her fear though, her anxiety. She doesn't show it, oh no. But you know her, and you read it in that tiny wrinkle between her proud face-framing eyebrows, in the way her wolfish eyes go over everything twice, in the way she is so alert of everything and so rigid all the time. You read her fear, her pain, in the way her eyes remain closed when she thinks nobody is looking. You see it in the way her eyes go off focus sometimes and become glassy, when there is nobody else but her in the room and she looks up to the ceiling, not really seeing it and fists her hands until they leave marks on her palms.

You watch now the way she plays with something in her hand, you see the black spider trapped in between her fingers. You recognize the amused look in her eyes, the way they are lit from behind like there is a fire burning in her skull. You notice that perpetual mark of irony in her small, one sided smile. She is talking without stopping, in a low voice, reasonable. You have seen her hypnotize a cat like that once… Then you look at the others in the room, and you realize that she has mesmerized them just like with the feline.

But you know her games. She can't play with you the way she plays with those kids. Because you can smell the odor of the poison bruin, taste the pungent toxins in the air. You can feel that strange pull she exercise on people, you recognize it for what it is – the lure of the height, that strange feeling in their chest that people get when they are standing high above the ground. They call it fear of heights, but it's not. Its themselves people fear. They know that the void beneath them tempts them to jump. They are afraid because they don't know if they will… But you never were afraid of heights.

You look at her intensely, trying to draw her gaze and you succeed: her eyes come to meet yours. She is not in the least surprised. In fact she looks satisfied that you are part of her spectacle. You see the half smile stretching one corner of her lips. You know that smile. You stare with hard eyes, giving away no emotion.

You feel someone moving behind you. Harry is climbing the stairs. He is right behind you in 2 seconds.

"Stop trying to scare the kids McKinnon." You say letting Harry go in and slamming the door hard behind you. You can be her public, but never her victim, much less her accomplice. You see how you caught everyone off guard. Everyone but her. Even they seem to realize they were in some kind of trance. It had been so quiet in the room, you could hear the beating of the wings of a fly.

"Oh but it's fun." She says with one of her ironic smirks. "Easy, but fun… Anyway, betanol can also be used to numb nerves… no pain." It was a different tone now. Her game was over. However, someone in the room didn't think it that way.

"Betanol has not been used for years now. It was too difficult to extract and caused more damage than it fixed."

You can almost laugh at Hermione's reaction, at her ingenuity. Even her pure intelligence can't see past the appearance of cruelty. Hermione is too whole, her soul too intact, too pure, to understand the way Marlene McKinnon's mind works, to unravel her games, her schemes.

"I'm sure it does." You hear Marlene say, brushing Hermione off quietly as if she was the most unimportant thing in the world. Even Hermione feels the condescending tone of the response, but you know that Hermione won't be able to fully understand Marlene's game. Because Hermione doesn't know her like you do. She does not know that Marlene bothers to exercise control only on the things she really wants to have.

oOoOoOo

Hermione glared at the girl, not caring who she was or where she was from. Unless she was wrong – and Hermione was sure she wasn't – that… person had just threatened her in the in the most subdue of ways. She'd looked like she had been playing, but by that look Marlene had given her, Hermione was sure that girl knew exactly what she was doing. The first impression of this girl had not been good, and the second had been worse… now Hermione was certain that Marlene McKinnon could not be trusted. She liked to play with people, induce fear in them, she had understood that much from her little show with the spider… Besides, who did she think she was to brush her off like that!

Fred walked over to where Marlene was standing and reached for the spider trapped between her fingers. She stopped him, grabbing his wrist with her free hand. Her skin was cool on his.

"Don't." She wasn't smiling anymore, her intense wolfish eyes serious on his face. It was obvious that whatever game she had been playing was over. "Didn't you hear me? Their poison is lethal." She let the spider go and it ran away from them quickly, as if it was suddenly free of a prison it didn't think it would survive. Fred arched one of his eyebrows.

"And they are not lethal to you?" he asked, his voice dripping of sarcasm. Then he saw the tiniest smile on her lips, an undecipherable look on her face. It was only today that he had really seen her face, the way it was carved. There was no denying she was attractive, those marks on her skin couldn't exactly change that. But they added a little something sinister to her appearance, they made her look as if she could eat him alive… And every time he thought that, a little thrill went down his spine.

"No. I'm immune to their venom." And before he could ask: "Long story." She said and brushed by him intentionally as she moved away.

"Can you get the poison out?" George had approached her, and there was this curious, exited look on his face, like he was about to receive a gift he had wanted for the longest time.

"I can… but I want a little something in return." She said with the ghost of a smile.

"What?"

"I'll think about it and let you know." Marlene said with a smirk as she looked at Fred with an intensity that make him isle. Her slightly open lips curved into the most sensuous of smiles.

"Done." Fred said smiling back.

"Lets shake on that." Marlene offered, making him smile wider. Fred stretched his hand for her to shake. She put her in his and locked her cornflower eyes with his deep-blue ones. He smiled at her and she ran her short nails on the back of his hand, her eyes sparkling. He had big hands, warm. She felt the warmth radiating from him, it spread in her whole arm. She liked it.

oOoOoOo

You see the way he gravitates around her, the way he is trying to impress her with his laid back, effortless charm. He tells jokes, makes her smile. Her smiles aren't fake, you can see the appreciation in her eyes. She likes him well enough to fuck him, you can see that. There is a strange calculativness about the way she looks at him, as if she is measuring him up. But it doesn't last. It's like a fleeing shadow over her eyes.

She talks to him, setting him apart from the others and you can see how that affects him. You can read his skin like a paper, he is that transparent. You can see how he is relieved that she is always the one to touch first, the one to make the first move. He likes that, he doesn't understand the nature of poisons, doesn't feel the slow burn. He mistakes Marlene McKinnon for an exotic creature, something out of the fantasy of a seventeen year old boy that carries around dark seductive scents and promises. This is what she wants to appear to him, the image she cloaks herself with to lure him.

But you know better. Marlene McKinnon is a creature of the night, something out of nightmares. She is to be feared not coveted. She is the poison at the tip of the blade.

You watch him talk to her, her lids heavy on her pale aquamarine eyes, her black hair long on her back, satiny around her face, her lips full, barely opened and seemingly reaching to him. It's clear what she wants even thought you don't understand why she wants him. He is not her usual type, not the kind of man she lied to fuck up. But you don't really care why she is hunting for Fred, it doesn't matter. You'll never let her hurt him.

You see Fred give a toothy grin at her and you have the urge to wrap him in a thick blanket and roll him on the ground, to save him from the tongues of fire he doesn't seem to notice enveloping him.

oOoOoOo

"I'm telling you, that girl is a lunatic. She was holding that gigantic spider in her hand like it was a bloody firefly!" Ron was still shocked, he looked it too. He was so careful, always looking twice before picking up something. Hermione rolled her eyes at him.

"She was just showing off. Most of her show was a threat to me, but she did enjoy the way you squirmed Ron." Hermione paused and then turned to her friends with furrowed eyebrows.

"Did you two notice her…" Hermione started hesitantly. Ron turned to her, looking completely lost. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Come _on_, Ronald! You haven't noticed?" Suddenly she was really angry at something… and that something seemed to be Ronald, who realized this and stepped back a couple of feet, his face alarmed. Hermione glared at him, slapped the cloth on the table and crossed her arms over her chest. Ron turned to Harry, his eyes screaming for help.

"The scars on her face." Harry said in a whisper trying to hold back Hermione's blow up by giving Ron a clue. However the redhead frowned, looking confused.

"What scars?"

"Oh, of _course_ he doesn't know. The girl looks like she had her face mauled by a tiger but mister Neanderthal over here is too concentrated on more interesting parts of her anatomy to notice." Hermione talked thought her teeth, it was barely audible, but Ron felt as if she had screamed it aloud. Harry sighed and continued cleaning the dust off the shelves. They weren't that visible really, but they had been kinda hard to miss when her face was a breath away from his the other day.

He turned to his friends again, after a few more hysterical hisses that he was sure came from Hermione and saw that she was in the process of turning red. Their eyes met as she glanced at Harry and all her anger seem to freeze and then melt away. Her face blanked for a second, her eyes out of focus, like she did every time she realized something important. A moment after she looked back at Harry, terrified and holding her breath. In the space of that moment, Hermione understood why he had been silent all day yesterday and why he hadn't said a word even when they were alone.

"Harry _no_. I know what you are thinking, but don't!" Ron focused his attention back on his two friends, happy to be off the hook… not that he understood why he had been in it or why he was off. Harry though, had the most concentrated look on his face, like he had a headache or some other pain of the sort wile Hermione looked a bit maniacal with her eyes almost popping out of their orbs her skin suddenly pale.

"How can _you_ know what I'm thinking Hermione?" He watched as her initial excitement downed a little, taken aback by the sharp stab in Harry's voice, but she was still very determined when she spoke. It was her fear that added her determination. She sounded almost in panic.

"You can't tell her about your parent, about anything. Don't you remember third year?! Besides, you heard what Remus said…"

"I don't care what Remus said, I don't care what anyone says! Nobody has the right to tell me what I can and cannot do!" Harry could feel that his control was slipping away. This topic was too exposing for him. Even when he was thinking about it, he ended up being mad at nothing in particular… actually no, he knew who he was mad at. At everyone… for always telling him what to do as if he was supposed to be a child that couldn't make decisions of his own.

"This is not just about you! Do you have any idea how much of a risk would be if someone went back to the past knowing the future? Didn't you understand anything about what Sirius said about the war back then?" Hermione was holding on to that glass so hard, she would break it soon if she didn't let go.

"Hermione's right Harry. People have tried stuff like this before and it has never ended up well." Ron was getting the spin of the situation. The fact that even he was against his idea made Harry even more angry. Not even his best friends could understand him at this point…

Of course they could not understand… both Ron and Hermione had their parents right there. They had never felt the hole in their chests, the constant emptiness that was a human condition to him. They had never had to make a home of their school, just because there was no place else for them to go, no other place where they belonged.

It wasn't fair… as much as he loved Hogwarts, it wasn't fair that he had to call it home. He wanted a _home_ to be his home. He wanted his real parents to make him feel his tie to this world, he wanted to stop being the loving surrogate of his best friends family. Why else would this girl have appeared? To leave things the way they were? No, she was here because she was _supposed_ to be here, she was the one that would help him save his parents.

"We don't even know if she is going back! She came more than 20 year forward. It could be another 20 years before she can go back to her own time!"

"Come on Hermione! Do you think they would be so secretive about everything if she was not going back? Why do you think she is being kept in here?" He tried to keep his voice steady as he looked at his friends and saw the doubt in their eyes grow, so he went on.

"Nobody out there wants to harm her! So she is from the past, big deal! Who would need someone from the past? No, she is being kept in here, because nothing gets in and nothing gets out of this house that they can't control. That way she has no contact with the outside world, so that she can't learn anything about anything. Because she _is_ going back to her own time."

After he stopped speaking silence fell. Hermione was considering this theory, and its holes, but it was quite believable. It didn't assure them of anything, but it was a plausible hypothesis.

Ron on the other hand, was much more practical than the other two. He did not know, nor could he assume he knew the reason why the girl was being kept there. Whether she was going to get back where she belonged was not his problem and he sure as hell would not make it his problem. What he cared about was the fact that his best friend was thinking about changing his life as he knew it… Ron was aware that he didn't know much and that he wasn't exactly the brightest candle in the chandelier, but of _one_ thing he was absolutely certain: he knew _enough_ about this kind of magic to know that this was dangerous and he couldn't just stand there and pretend this was a good idea. He didn't like to contradict either Hermione or Harry, but this time it didn't feel right to shut up for the sake of diplomacy.

"Harry, mate… this kind of magic is very dangerous, because it isn't really magic. Nobody can guarantee that it will work. This is not some spell you do in class that if you get wrong the first time, you can fix the next. You of all people should know the difference between theory and real life… People die trying to change their future, they have even killed other people by accident." Ron's voice was trying to sound reasonable, trying to persuade his friend.

"People die either way, Ron." Harry's voice was very even as he spoke. Cedric Digory's face flashed before his eyes.

"You can't tell her anything that might effect her future anyway. Dumbledore cast that tongue-tying spell on us himself." Hermione pointed out, a little too satisfied with that obvious obstacle. As if Harry hadn't been thinking of how to get around that since the very first moment he knew. As if he didn't resent with all his heart the fact that Dumbledore hadn't even talked to him before tying him with that spell.

Harry looked into Hermione's eyes with the kind of seriousness that had Hermione still her movements and lose the momentum of her emotions. "I need your help Hermione. And your Ron. I have never really asked you guys to risk anything for me but you always have anyway…"

"Harry, we're your friends…" Ron started but one look into his friends eyes and he couldn't let another word out. He couldn't say anything. He lacked arguments. The choice was between what he knew was dangerous and something Harry needed from him. It wasn't that much of a choice really.

"Yes. And now I'm asking, as a friend. I'm asking for help. I have to at least try to talk with this girl, because if I don't, I'm the one that is going to have to live the rest of my life knowing that I had the chance to do something about my parents deaths and didn't do it because someone told me not to."

Hermione stared at Harry a little out of breath as he talked. She hated herself sometimes. Because she knew that she would help him, damn it, but she also knew that it was wrong and so very dangerous. From any angle Hermione decided to look at this, she saw nothing but very bad things happening. If he was unable to talk to Marlene, he would be so disappointed. If he did talk to her… oh, Hermione couldn't even imagine what would be the consequences of that.

And here she'd been feeling so bad that they'd left Harry out of their summer in Griamuld place until he came here. The bites Hedwig had given her still stung but now they felt like nothing in comparison to the noise going on inside her head. Hermione took a deep breath and looked back into Harry's eyes and then in Ron's.

"We're going to have to think this through carefully."


	11. Chapter 10 - The meanings of love

**Chapter 10 – **_The meanings of love_

_Have you ever asked yourself what you would do for someone you love? How far would you go to protect something that you know is unprotected from the filth of the world? How far would you go, how much of your soul would you risk, to save someone else's? How bad will you be able to soil yourself to keep the dirt from reaching someone pure? Someone that doesn't deserve that kind of shit._

_I never had to ask this question. I didn't have much to lose: I was already filthy, soulless, soiled, dirty and permanently damaged when I knew that I had to save someone. _

George had just came back from the kitchen, holding a tray full of sandwiches and something was very off about him…

"Wow, _what_ are you wearing?" Marlene blinked a couple of times. His baggy shirt was of the ugliest mix of phosphorescent green, yellow, orange and blue.

"Oh don't get jealous, I can give it to you for a ride around the block, if you want." She made a disgusted face, like she had just smelled trash, and snorted in such a unlady-like way that Hermione turned her criticizing eyes to her.

"Are you kidding me?! You look like the old couch of a retirement house."

"Safety rule: when you clean up, you dress in vivid colors, so that you don't get lost in the dust and Sirius doesn't throw you out with the rest of the trash." George said as he threw her a sandwich.

"I get the safety rule, makes sense… Did you steal it off a dead guy?"

"No, from Mungugus… which is as close as it gets."

"It's like the two most hideous shirts in the world got married and you are wearing their baby…."

"I like being unique."

"There's a difference between unique and disturbed."

"I prefer fashion forward." Marlene laughed as she sat cross-legged on the floor. Fred sat on the big couch, followed by George and Sirius.

"You can prefer all day long baby. Just don't wear it in public; someone might throw junk food at you."

Ron, Harry and Hermione came around and took a sandwich as well. Silence fell for a few seconds, mostly because everyone was busy eating. During those moments Marlene took her time in looking around the wide room.

"Are you guys sure that actual _people_ lived here?"

"Yeah." Ron answered like he was daring her. He kind of agreed with her on that point, but he knew that this used to be Sirius's house and something in him felt compelled to protect it from the icy eyes of the girl. Marlene heard his tone, but she didn't worry much over that particular redhead.

"Why, what were your thoughts on the matter?" Hermione looked at Marlene directly in the face, not looking away when the arctic fire in the eyes of the girl met her liquid-chocolate ones.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Bram Stocker. This place would really suit Count Dracula's tastes." Marlene was looking at a crystal bottle filled with dark red liquid as she spoke.

"I agree." Sirius said, looking amused at this point. Marlene looked at him, raising one eyebrow in surprise and Harry was sure that she couldn't understand his godfather anymore than he could sometimes.

"What?"

"Vampires, Ronald." Hermione said curtly, glaring at the redhead. She kept throwing furtive glances at Harry, who was eating very quietly.

"Oh." Ron went back to eating his sandwich. Every once in a while he would glance at Marlene. She caught him and smiled, only to see Ronald's ears started to blush red. Marlene was about to take another bite off her sandwich when something snared her attention so much that she actually got up to take a better look. Sirius followed her eyes and understood what was it that had her so captivated.

"Black… is this by any chance, _your_ house?" She asked, a note of sarcasm in her voice that nobody caught save for the person she was referring to. Sirius's face was unreadable. He looked like he was holding back something, but what, nobody could say.

"Yes."

"Wait, wrong inflection. Is this your _house_?"

"Yes."

She narrowed her eyes on him. "I've been to your house Black. The place looked nothing like this."

"My mother's tastes got eccentric in old age." Sirius explained very serenely, watching her as she watched the room with fascination and recognition, maybe remembering the way it had been back then. After Regulus died his mother had gone half mad with grief. The horror-show worthy decorations were only one of the side effects.

"Ah, well… that explains a lot. You should watch it, psychosis is hereditary." She finally said in all seriousness before taking another bite of her sandwich.

oOoOoOo

You try to stay impassible and hold it together. There is no chance anyone could know what you are thinking, yet your thoughts ring so loud in your head that you fear someone will undoubtedly hear them.

_Well, that explains a lot…_

Nobody in the room could possibly imagine that those were the exact same words she had said so many years ago when in the same situation. It funny, because what is your past is yet to come as her future… even though in your past she was right there with you. But you don't think about that for too long – it will give you a headache if you try. Time-traveling is a funny thing, seemingly simple and yet it makes such a mess of everything you though you knew about everything.

Not even you had thought you would hear her say that, not in those exact same words. It had been a silly test, something you were 100% sure she would fail at. You never even dreamed she would say the same thing now as she did 20 years ago. It was a joke, you were curious… and now you got slapped in the face for it.

You wonder why you're so surprised. Wasn't this what you wanted all along? To prove that she was not changed, that she would _never_ change. That she is now the same person that she was then, that she will always be a vain, arrogant, cruel girl and deserved to get punishment now - while you still could hand it to her - even if it was for a crime that lay in her future… but that she had committed in your past.

Did any of that make sense? …Was it even real?

No, no, you must not think that way. You must not doubt yourself: you would only be playing her game. There is no room for doubt or hesitation when it comes to Marlene McKinnon, not for you. She has taken too much from you to deserve that kind of mercy: a hesitating hand.

No, none of that this time. You were never one to make the same mistake twice.

She is Marlene McKinnon and you know her better than you thought you did, and it sickens you. Because you know her like certain dark things are to be known: in secret, quietly, in obscure corners, talked about in hushed whispers. She is burned on your mind in moments that you will never forget, moments that have taught you the meaning of true hate, that burns and consumes everything.

In your entire life, you have only hated one other person this much: Peter Pettigrew…

He was the one that taught you the meaning of revenge, of a hatred that burns low and fierce, constant every day for thirteen years. His existence offends you, every breath he takes is one more insult to the memory of the friends he killed and if there were a grain of justice in this world, the ground would open under the coward's feet and swallow him whole. Obliterate him. He is despicable to you, and surely you would have killed him if Harry hadn't stopped you. You were aching to do it… but you didn't. You do not regret it, but you know you will laugh when the earth finally rids itself of the toxic waste that is Peter Pettigrew. You want his death, you desire his end.

After so many years of being alone with your darkest emotions, you thought that hate was the key to everything: it taught you how to eat, to breathe. It burned in your veins so much that you thought you would die from it. And now you know that all that has left a scar inside you, that it has rotten you from the inside out.

And now, just when you had thought that you had finally put that to rest, Marlene McKinnon comes along. And just like a monster with its own mind, the darkness within you reaches out, struggling for revenge.

But the hatred that you have for Marlene is different. Just as the wrong she did you was different.

Peter ended up killing James and Lily because he was a coward, unworthy of their faith, of their love and friendship.

But Marlene… what she did, she did it with full consciousness. There was no fear in Marlene, nobody forced her hand nobody made her do anything. She ruined you just for the fun of it, to set right an imagined slight, to teach you a lesson in her own sadistic way.

Marlene took the life of that one person that you loved in a way you had never though you would have ever loved anyone… and she did it out of spite. She did it to punish you, to break you.

Marlene had killed _her_, to wrong _you_.

The guilt, the pain over that would never ebb away. Just remembering how easily you could have saved her life, how ruthlessly she had been snatched from you... it makes you ache as if you had seen the light fade from her warm brown eyes not one moment ago…

She had died a long time ago; because of you, of the enemies you made, of the battles you fought. She had died because in your youth you were irresponsible enough to get on the bad side of people as insanely vindictive and sadistic as Marlene McKinnon and not take precautions to protect the people closest to you from the consequences of _your_ actions.

But you are not young and stupid anymore. This time you know better.

This time, she is _not_ going to get the chance to hurt anyone; and if she tries…

If she even so much as hurts one hair on anyone's head, it will be your genuine pleasure to break her neck without a minimum hesitation - no matter what Albus has to time, you are going to protect the people you love and do it right.

But you do wish that she won't bring matters to the point where you will judge necessary to kill her. You truly don't want to end her life right now, despite all the rage that her every breath stirs in you.

She took your life away from you just because she could. And because of that, you do not wish her death. You do not want it.

You want her life.

You want her _pain_.

You want her to suffer the way you suffered.

But in Marlene's case that is going to be tricky, because you know she never loved anyone more than she loves herself.

But you also know that it can be arranged so that she sees her nightmares come to life. Her very worst fears become real. And you're not unwilling to cause her pain by breaking her bones for instance. But you can't do that here, with Remus and everyone watching, so you know you'll have to go about roundabout ways, more subtle ways. You'll have to use her own weapons against her.

_This_ is why you hate her: because she is the one that has unraveled the ugliest sides of you. She has taught you that you are bla to enjoy someone else's pain, that you would prolong it, intensify it. That you are not so different after all, from Bellatrix whom you despise. Marlene has taught you that the one you can learn to hate most… is yourself.

She has brought you down to her own level. And you hate her for that too, thus coming back to a full circle.

She has taught you a great many things you wish you could forget: she has shown you that you are selfish, an animal that spoils things, beautiful pure things. She taught you that you are a monster when you love - just like her - hungry for a clean soul that would be eventually destroyed by the world you lived in.

But you also know things about herself; little secrets she never meant to tell, but that sunk in with the rest of the filth she unloaded on you, even against her will. Because these little things are the ones she wishes nobody knew. These are the small truths about her that she always vehemently hid.

You know how she sees the world, how she feels, how she loves and hates… and you are still unsure which of those emotions make her more dangerous. But what you have always most despised is the way she hated. Because when Marlene hates, people are doomed to slow, subdue torture that lasts until her victims chose to kill themselves just to have it stop. She likes to watch her pray finish itself, never knowing where the blow came from. When she hates, she is the kind of woman that would talk to a depressed person about suicide, that would tell a kid they aren't particularly pretty or smart. When she hates, she is a passive kind of killer and her crimes are too slim to be persecuted.

You know she has killed this way before. This is the way she took the one you loved from you, a long time ago. Sacrificed your love for her own, because she always believed that her own love is more worthy and purer than anyone else's. Even in her love, she is arrogant.

Perhaps Marlene loved so little in her life, that when it came to defend her love she was brutal, pitiless. When something got in her way, it immediately becomes collateral damage. Nothing is an exception… not even herself. She never cared who she hurt, as long as the people she cared for were safe. She never cared which lives she bargained for that safety.

The object of her emotion is cursed either way, because in any emotion, Marlene is cruel to the same lengths. That is another weakness you plan to use. Another wound to jab your finger into. It's despicable, you know, but the knowledge doesn't faze you. Marlene is going to get what is coming for her, a revenge long delayed. It is time.

You even know other things, cursed things that make your stomach turn now. Like the way she looks when she smiles, _really_ smiles - of happiness, of content, of amusement, pleasure. Every kind of smile has its own shape on her lips, none equal to the other, all so grotesquely sweet on her face – that change her face so much - and so impossibly rare. You have seen them a few times, you can even count them now with the fingers on one hand. Heard the sound of her laughter, so fresh, so inviting it made you want to laugh too. You have seen, _felt_ the way she breaths in when she is touched, the way her lids get heavy when she is lost, the way her neck arches… You have hated her, you hate her still for showing you that part of herself. You will never hate anyone more than you hate her, you know that.

Because now you are disillusioned, and you know that she destroyed you.

So you watch her carefully, day by day. Watch silently as she slowly falls apart. You know that this past week locked in this house has taken its toll on her. It shows. There are times when she gets lost in thought and people mistake her inattentiveness for rudeness, but you know by the glazed look in her eyes that it is not so. She is getting sicker, but she tells no one. Neither do you.

Do you really want her to die, you wonder? Are you enjoying the sight of seeing her in pain maybe?

You don't know if her death would faze you, but you're sure that you're very much enjoying the sight of her pain. In a way, it feels like retribution. You don't feel guilty at watching her fade away slowly. You know she deserves it.

In _your_ time, in _your_ world, she deserves it. But in hers, she doesn't. At least not yet. She hasn't committed the crime you're punishing her for yet, but she will. In your past she did, in her future she will. You have the right to enjoy her pain because she stole from you what you held most dear. You are as much entitled to her suffering as she is to be free of it, because in her own right she has done nothing wrong.

But you know the truth of Marlene McKinnon. She deserves the kind of slow persecution worthy of her crimes.

Fred is the only one she talks to now. You have no idea what they talk about, but you don't like the way they sit so close, how she touches him. You hate the thought of her doing anything to him.

But this is not the only thing she is up to. She is trying to find ways to get out of the house. She has tried to break her window, tried to open the front door. Tried to escape from every way she could think of. You don't know what she is planning but her desperation is getting stronger and usually, this is the point where the shit starts to hit the fan. You have already prepared Harry and you're not going to let Marlene hurt anyone, but aside from that, you don't plan on doing much to control her. you don't really want to.

Maybe you're doing nothing to stop this because you want a little bit of retaliation against Dumbledore also…

Maybe…maybe you've lived on hatred for so long that you're not so different from the ones you despise.

oOoOoOo

It was almost 2 o'clock in the morning of her sixth day in the house from hell. This was the fifth night she has had to lie awake in this house and the effects of her strain were showing.

The huge black dog that kept her company during the night whined and shifted to find a better spot on the floor. Marlene absentmindedly patted him behind one ear. It was nice to have someone like that monster of a dog to be with. He did not talk, didn't ask questions, didn't want explanations. He didn't watch her as if expecting her to start jumping around killing people, like a certain someone. He just sat there and watched the fire with her in the quiet of midnight. It was a nice change from the feeling of eyes following her everywhere. Every pair of those eyes wanted something different of her, they all watched her in their own way.

Marlene sighed and rubbed her temples. She had had a headache for the best part she had been in that house. Sometimes it turned so bad she couldn't stand it. She could barely breathe in there, literally. Her asthma seemed to be coming back and she hadn't told anyone about it. Her throat closed every time she tried to send something down her stomach. She forced herself to eat as much as she could, but it wasn't going very well. She wasn't responding to her medicine right, she knew it. Could feel it in the little prickles she got in the back of her head from time to time. Knew it in the nightmares that haunted her sleep and the faces she saw every time she closed her eyes.

She knew her potions weren't working well on her because the moments when her lucidity fogged up were increasing. At times, there was this thick fog in her mind that didn't always make it easy for her to see through her thoughts, follow through with them. That slowed her down. She had found herself losing her patterns of behavior. Her control tended to slip thought her fingers and her frustration manifested itself in the most absurd ways.

She missed her life, missed her family so much that they absence of them was physical, it hurt as much as her head hurt. It was a constant hunger for a little assurance, for a little safety. A desperate need to relax and just breathe, stop looking over her own shoulder. She cried every time she dared think of her mother, of how much she missed being in her arms. Of her brother… Marlene was going insane with the desire to see them.

She _had_ to see them. The need was like a gravitational force.

Marlene almost jumped out of her skin when the kitchen door opened. The figure that entered was cloaked and hooded, she didn't recognize any lineament in the semidarkness of the fire. She moved her right hand behind her back slowly, without drawing attention to the movement, the kitchen knife in her grip ready to cut the air and impale itself right on the strangers skull. In the back of her mind she knew this had to be a friend of this house… but she didn't care. In here, she did not trust even her own shadow.

"You can put the knife down Marlene, it's Remus. Relax." She recognized his voice and she released a breath she had been holding without realizing.

"What are you doing up so late?" He asked her as he took off his cloak and hanged it before moving in front of the fire. The dog chose that moment to slip out of the door that Lupin had left open.

"I could ask you the same thing Lupin." She pointed out as she looked him over. He didn't look any different from his usual days and there was nothing on him to give any indication as to where he came from.

"Ah, I got the late-night shift in my job's weekly rotation." He explained as he warmed his hands.

"Is that the code name you guys have for security rounds these days?"Marlene said with the kind of nonchalance to rival the subtlest of spies, even though her words were as bluntly to the point as ever. She Remus however was not too taken aback by her question. He gave no visible reaction except for a small arch of one eyebrow as he looked her over.

"I am as much in the dark about what you're talking about now as I ever was Marlene." He said calmly, his voice steady and not betraying any emotion, his frame loose and devoid of tension entirely. He was simply a regular, shabby guy, warming by the fire.

Marlene scoffed, not bothering to hide her surprise. "Wow, you've become a really good liar. If I didn't know for a fact that you're feeding me bull, I'd never suspect it."

Remus chuckled, even though there was something to his tone when he spoke that had Marlene wondering about hidden meanings behind his words. "I don't know about the rest… but I'll admit, in time we learn to surprise ourselves and its not always in a good way."

"So you admit, you were lying to me?" Marlene pushed.

"I'm much too tired for your mind games Marlene, let's talk of something less contradictory." He was not harsh, but there was a finality in his tone that instantly gave away firmness. And secrets he was hiding. Not what they were of course, but with his unwillingness to continue he had practically admitted that he had them, hiding in corners. Which was just as dangerous.

"Late-night hours, over-tiredness, in denial about your whereabouts, and I sense a distinct wave of shame around you sometimes… You're not a gigolo are you Lupin? It's a dangerous profession you know." Marlene observed, her tone teasing but harmless. She had let go… for now.

Remus chuckled. "No Marlene, I am not a male prostitute. I'm afraid I never had enough allure for that line of work." Turned to look at her.

"Bullshit. Plenty of girls fawned over you, you were just too much of a dork to use it to your advantage."

"Really? You _did_ have admirers, I knew it! Oh, hi! You must be the time-freak! I'm Tonks, Welcome to 1999!" Marlene had looked at the dark figure as she came in and never stopped talking as she made her way from the door to in front of the fire. The young woman had the kind of hair that was so pink it looked like it almost shined in the dark and the sight of torn jeans the witch was wearing and the back T-shirt signed _'Sex Pistols'_ had Marlene wanting to smile.

"Nice jeans." Marlene said, her voice sounding a little more like her own. The pink haired grinned as she took out her wand and conjured a couch for herself, proceeding on making herself comfortable on it like a cat.

"Thanks. My mother hates them, she says I look like I've been mauled by a pack of wild dogs."

Marlene couldn't keep in a chuckle at this, but it didn't stop the stab of cold despair in her heart. "That sounds a lot like what my mother used to say." Marlene mumbled softly, more to herself than to the pink haired witch. God, she was going to go insane from missing them so much… She missed her mother trying to kidnap her wardrobe every Saturday, idiot Henry and his pranks, even Charlie's glares and her father's sternness.

_I want to go home…_ and Marlene was desperate enough not to give a fuck about sounding like a little girl. But instead of screaming it out loud, she swallowed and took a deep breath.

"So, is the grudge look back or did it never leave?" Marlene asked frivolously. She had noticed how Remus watched her.

"Hey, it's the only look I ever had, so don't ask me! I was born rock and rolling baby." Tonks said with a smile.

"Long live the Sex Pistols." Marlene said with a smirk.

"Halleluiah to that!" Tonks said with a small laugh as she laid her head back and closed her eyes. She looked so tired that Marlene thought she might fall asleep right there. There were deep dark circles under her eyes and her face was as pale as moonlight.

Marlene then looked at Remus and even though his eyes were alert and awake, the bags under his eyes were as dark as bruises. They had arrived moments after each other and they had been wearing the same dark camouflaging cloaks. There was something here that Marlene couldn't quite grasp, but it definitely was not coincidence. She didn't believe in coincidences. These two were either fucking or they were on the same 'late-night shift' as Lupin had put it.

This all confirmed the suspicions Marlene had been having for quite a while: she was sitting in the middle of a bag full of secrets. This house crawled with words that people chose to stuff in into the dark corners instead of speaking them and they smelled of rotten things. Dead things. And it was so big that she could not even see the whole things because she was standing so close to it. She needed distance.

She needed, quite simply, to get out and away from their influence.

"Trying to figure out what we were up to Marlene?" Lupin asked with the smallest smiles on his lips. Marlene looked at him perplexed.

"Was I thinking out loud?" She asked full of doubt.

"No, fortunately you were not." Remus said with a slam lopsided smile. He didn't really want to hear her think out loud, her thoughts were never really pleasant for any ears.

"So how do you know what I was thinking?" Her tone was reserved, careful. She thought he had read her mind, he realized.

"I didn't use Leggimency on you Marlene. You don't have to be that suspicious of me." Remus pointed out calmly, knowing that she wouldn't take him at his word no matter what he said. Marlene was a woman of action not words. She didn't believe what she could see for herself.

"Don't I?" The way she asked that confirmed his theory. But trying to make her feel at least a bit safer was worth the effort. He felt guilty as he watched her suffer her imprisonment as if she was in a cell. It made him feel less like a protector and more like a prison guard.

"No, you don't. And even though you won't believe me, it's worth saying." Remus said calmly.

"No its not. If you know I won't believe you, then you saying it is just waste of breath." Her tone borders on harsh, but she is a bundle of nerves and Remus knows that this hostility sprung from her agitation and suffering. Because Remus knows that too. He knows she is suffering though he ignores why. But the scent of her despair is like a blow of spicy mint in his nose, it pierces his senses so powerfully that it almost makes his head ache when he is around her - her emotions are that strong. It makes him feel even more guilty. But he also knows that she would rather bleed than accept help she didn't ask for.

He knows that because he had had time to know her in the past. But those years were not real to her like they were to him. He had lived them, and now they were behind him. For her, they were yet to come, they hadn't happened yet to the Marlene he was sitting in front of.

"How do you know what I was thinking about if you didn't use Leggimency?" she asked, now her attention focused on him waiting for his answer.

"I can guess."

"You can?"

Ever the laconic one, her questions gave away nothing about her intensions… but he could guess.

"Yes."

"How so?"

"That is not something you are allowed to ask."

"I am allowed to ask whatever the hell I want to." She said glaring at him, pushing her hair from her face.

"Technically, that's not true."

"Cut the bollocks, Lupin. You started this, you better finish it."

Her tone got from curious to surprised, to exasperated and finally threatening and he knew that this had been a mistake. She was much too easily impressionable right now, it was not a good moment to discuss anything even remotely serious.

Her voice was like the snap of a firecracker, when she called his name loudly.

"_Lupin_!"

"What? I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes, what?" Tonks startled, Marlene's voice having raised her from her momentary drowsiness. But neither Remus and even less Marlene paid attention to her.

"We became good friends when Lily and James started behaving civilly to each-other." Remus explained, purposefully keeping on the vague. Marlene stared at him intently, not missing a blink on his eyes. He was calm and collected and she could tell nothing in his body language that would suggest anything more than he already said.

"And what exactly does that mean?" She was beginning to suspect something, and a little tremor came to her at the thought. Did that mean what she thought it meant?!

"_What_ does that mean Lupin?"

"It means that we became friends Marlene and we came to trust each other despite what had happened in the past." He explained calmly.

"Yeah right! That sounds just like me." Her incredulously mixed with sarcasm in a burning cocktail, but then something occurred to her and she looked at Remus with new eyes, her eyebrows high on her forehead. Her voice was much more whispery when she spoke next.

"We've slept together, haven't we?"


	12. Chapter 11 - The shapes of desperation

**Chapter 11 **– _The shapes of desperation_

_You can have power over someone as long as you don't take everything away from them. But once you strip a person from everything he has, all the strength in this creation will serve you no purpose: you can't bend what is already broken. People who have nothing to lose don't know fear, or pain and the fire in them burns a thousand times as bright. There is no middle ground for those that stand deprived; only destruction can quench the desire to hurt back the ones that have hurt them._

_So this warning is out to all those who hope to control another human being by taking away everything that matters: beware of your strategy! Make sure you're stronger than the one you're trying to destroy._

_Because if you're not… _

_…you're fucked._

_"We've slept together, haven't we?"_

Remus was too startled to answer for a few short moments. He shouldn't have let himself be blindsided like this, Marlene was not known for her patience.

"Haven't we?" She insisted and this time her voice was strong, her tone assertive, not questioning. Marlene noticed the way Remus went entirely still by the fire and his eyes fixed on her with a sharpness that was a bit uncanny.

"I'm very sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up." Remus said so softly that it seemed he was comforting her. There was something in his eyes that Marlene couldn't read, be it because it was dark, or because she didn't recognize the emotion at all.

He didn't deny it though…

"What? Don't give me that chivalrous bollocks, I want a straight answer!" There was the kind of agitation in her voice that made Remus realize he really should have said anything. Oh, he could give her the answers she wanted, but he knew she would neither understand nor believe him. He would only hurt her by continuing this conversation. She was too young yet, she had much hardship to live through before she understood the value of a friend in times of war.

Sirius didn't agree with him of course, but Remus knew the difference between the Marlene before the war and the one during it. The Marlene standing in front of him now would never believed him if he told her that there would come – later in her life - a moment when she would laugh with him at ease, as friends. That she would be able to be close to him without needing to be in his bed.

Sirius thought that she was always the same person, that she would never change. Remus would never be able to agree with him, and as he looked into her eyes and saw the storm bruin in them, as irascible and explosive as she had ever been, he was even more convinced.

This girl he was looking at was only the beginning of the woman he had known. She was so angry and confused, so unbelievably hurt. Every patch on her skin bared the tattoo of her misery, Remus knew that, he remembered it. She had suffered too much too soon and that had taken away so much from her. Taken away the ability to tell between right and wrong, between a truth and a lie. That was the real reason she'd never been able to trust anyone. Why she was so hostile. It was a defense mechanism: to keep herself safe from everyone else… and Remus could understand that better than most.

She was not evil… she was just scared. The war would change her, Remus knew that. It would simplify all her contradictions, make the enemy easier to distinguish. The moment she would chose a side, she would sort herself out as well, in a way. After that all of her strength and roughness would point in one direction only – and that would make the Order very lucky not to be on the receiving end of her fury.

But that moment was still to come and Remus had no illusions: for exactly all of the above reasons, Marlene was more dangerous than ever. All that she had lost had made her unscrupulous and viscously protective of herself. The second she figured out that they were not acting in her best interest, they would have a loose cannon in their hands…

"Spit it out Lupin, it's a simple yes or no question." Marlene said, getting impatient with his reticence.

"Marlene, we were friends. The circumstances were so that you came to trust me. That is it, you have my word." He repeated calmly.

"I know myself Lupin, I don't make _friends_. What the hell happened that resulted in me starting to make frie…" But the words stuck in her throat, threatening to choke her. Marlene reflexively brought a hand on her throat, wide eyes focusing on Remus as she coughed a few times violently, so much that it felt she was going to throw up a lung. Remus was instantly by her side.

"Breathe through it." He said softly as he rubbed her shoulder. Tonks had gotten up and silently signaled to Remus that she was getting out. Remus nodded, trying to thank her for understanding using his eyes alone, but didn't miss that flash of emotion in the pink-haired witches' eyes. God, this was getting so much more complicated than it had to be.

"That which you wanted to ask is one of the questions about your future, one of the things you shouldn't know for your own good." Remus explained as her breathing returned to normal.

Marlene pushed his hands away. "I'm tired of other people deicing my own good. Look where that has gotten me." For a moment Remus thought that he was imagining the tears in her eyes, but he was not. They were unshed, but they were there, swilling in her eyes making them shine in the dark.

"I'm sick Remus." She whispered and saw the way his face fell, the emotion in his eyes. "I can't eat, I can't sleep. I have acute claustrophobia among other things and this place is killing me."

"I'm sorry, but nowhere else is safe enough." Remus said as he kneeled in front of her. He didn't expect this break of nerves, it was uncharacteristic in her, but she had been edging around it for a few days now.

"I miss my family…" he heard her whisper and the emotion that was making her voice quiver was so undeniable that it froze him. "I'm going to go insane in here. You need to give me the ingredients of the potion I was trying to make the one that landed me in here. I have to do something to get back to my own time."

Lupin swallowed thickly, the lies stuck in his throat making it hard to speak. "Dumbledore is working on it."

"_I_ need to work on it! Just give me _something_ to do!" She said fiercely, her eyes shining manically. But Remus was silent beside her and his lack of response drew her down a whole new path of thought. Marlene got up and stood face to face with him, looking in his eyes as she spoke.

"I know I'm not a charm-school graduate, but why is everyone so suspicious of me? What do you think I'm gonna do for fuck's sake, kill everyone in their sleep?"

Her voice kept rising but Lupin was as stoic as ever. The only emotion in his eyes was something that Marlene would maybe call pity and it made her stomach turn. Pity was Lupin was the last thing she needed right now.

She pushed him away and started pacing around, her hands in her hair as if pulling it out was going to help her think more clearly. Maybe if her head stopped aching like a bitch, then she would.

"I need to get out of here." Remus almost missed her whispered words entirely over the roar of the fire. They were spoken so low that he was sure they were not meant for him to hear. The reason he had been able to catch it was because of his werewolf senses.

"You can't do that." Remus said softly yet firmly, trying to be reasonable. She closed her eyes at the patronizing tone, hating him for the very sound of it.

"I have to. I _need_ to." The tears thickened her voice, tightened her throat, but she refused to let them fall.

"You don't understand…"

She whispered words hanged in the air unpleasantly, the fragility they carried hanging in the air ungracefully, like a bad smell.

Marlene hesitated, as if she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. Remus was sure that was the case. He knew that Marlene never had it easy to talk about her feelings. She only acted on them.

"I need my family, I need a breath of my life. I can't stand this cell any longer, I'm slipping into madness."

She wasn't lying, or using a metaphor. She could literally feel mind slip away from her. Marlene felt six years old again, locked away for shame and not allowed to go outside for any reason.

Remus didn't know what to say. He felt like such a traitor as he stood there, reciting his lines. He was not telling lies to her, but he was not speaking his mind either. What he was saying were lines that he had learned by heart. If it had been up to him, he would have said something else… Something that would put her at ease, comfort her. But every time he looked for words like that, he realized that he couldn't find them. Maybe because he wasn't eloquent enough, or perhaps because they didn't exist…

There was nothing out there for her but more pain and suffering and that was the only reason he was so willing to be her prison-guard. Whether Marlene believed it or not, this house was indeed the safest place for her.

Remus took a step closer to her. "I'm sorry Marlene. Please understand that this really is for your protection."

Marlene looked up to meet the warm coffee eyes of Remus Lupin and expected to feel some kind of variation of hatred for him, but didn't. He was nothing at this point, just someone standing in her way. He could see the change in her, the way her face looked like a stone mask.

He felt the coldness in her eyes deep into the marrow of his bones, when his instincts lay: they told him to beware.

"Protection from what?" she deadpanned, her tone abrupt and even. Emotionless. She had wanted to mess with this topic, but now that he had opened this line of conversation, why not make him spit it out. Remus didn't answer her however.

"I'm not staying here. I demand to leave." She said determined. It was so typical of her, to think she could do something just because she wanted to. Remus knew this Marlene too. It was not hard to keep track of her really. A bit harder was knowing how to respond to her.

Remus decided he would do so coolly. "You can't. Its better if you stay."

"Better for _who_? Why don't you tell me why I'm really being kept in here?"

"Don't push this Marlene. Here is safer. Somewhere where you can be…"

"… Controlled."

Marlene looked at the east corner of the room and her eyes met a shadowed shape that could only be Sirius Black. None of those in the room had heard him come in and realizing that she had missed his presence was a bit disconcerting. But what he said was what made Marlene wish she had a dagger in her hand just so that she could hurl it at him.

"I don't need to be _controlled_, I need to be unleashed. I need _air_." Her voice was like the hiss of a dagger through the air before it hit the target.

Sirius saw the way her nails gnawed at the flesh of her palm, almost making her bleed; he saw the maniacal glint on her eyes. He knew how they had clouded up the last few days, like a curtain had been drawn on the azure of her irises. Hadn't he been sure that there was no way she could have gotten her hands on drugs, then he would have thought she was high on something. She sure looked out of it.

"What you need and what you want were never things you understood well McKinnon." Sirius said calmly.

"_Fuck. You_. Don't you talk to me like you know me Black. In fact, don't fucking talk to me at all." She said with gritted teeth.

"Why don't you two tell the truth for once. I'm a prisoner here, aren't I?" She said as she breathed heavily. But as usual she was met with silence.

Marlene chuckled bitterly despite the little piece that had just died inside her. She had been wrong not to fully trust her first instinct. When she'd first woken up in that bed almost a week ago, she'd thought she had been kidnapped. Apparently that had not been so far from the truth. She _was_ a fucking captive. It didn't matter whether the one who held her was a sadistic criminal or righteous Dumbledore. In the end it was the same for her: she had lost her freedom. Who she had lost it to was inconsequential.

"Which means something really fucked up is going on out there, something you seriously don't want me to see. I'm thinking it has something to do with the time I come from… right Lupin?" She didn't even bother to read their reaction, she knew she was right.

"So that makes me wonder, what the bloody hell is so dangerous out there to make our dear holier-than-thou Dumbledore ignore the fact that I am a _human being_ and knowingly put me through torture? It must be pretty bad…"

"And let me guess, you have no idea if he is going to let me get back to my time or not, am I right?" Silence again and this time Marlene could almost laugh.

But she didn't. Instead she stared at them right in the eyes. She should have gone with her first instinct. Trusted her father's words instead of that old opportunistic fuck's. She should have run away when she had the chance…

"Great friend you are Lupin, keeping me locked in here, watching me slowly lose my mind and not giving a fuck about it. Nice to know I've got myself in good company." Marlene said, her tone sharp enough to cut through skin - even more so because all three of them knew it was true: she was slowly losing her grip on reality and neither Black nor Lupin had given any signs that they were going to do anything about it.

"I can't _do_ anything!" Remus snapped, the first trace of frustration finally in his tone.

"Where do you think you could go? Do you have any idea how it would be out there for a girl destined to go back to the past? You'd be torn apart by a crowd of the most random people wanting to fix their mistakes! You think they wouldn't know you? You're a _McKinnon_ for Merlin's sake!" Remus knew that he should not have fallen for her rouse, that she had been gunning for a reaction out of him, but he couldn't help himself.

Still, his explanation was to no use, because Marlene was past the point of believing. She looked at him through icy eyes, not believing a word he was saying. Not even listening really. She was done with that. She slowly turned her eyes to Black, the one that had been giving her so much to think about lately.

"What about you Black? What's your secret?" She asked mockingly. Her head felt light and her fingers were tingling. "There can be only two reasons why you keep looking at me the way you do: one – you wanna fuck me; two – you wanna kill me. Make up your mind will you, this is starting to get redundant."

They stared each other down with Remus caught in the middle of a long history of hate and violence that he didn't know how to handle. Both the sides of this fight were explosive.

Marlene hoped Lupin would stay out of this one though. She may not be able to understand where Black's particular brand of toxic hate came from, but she recognized the mark of it in his eyes, the lethal shades that made his grey eyes seem dead when he looked at her. She recognized the dangerousness in him, her instincts responded to it.

And that most dangerous part of him was what she wanted to awaken now. She wanted him angry enough to let loose, angry enough to be out of control.

She wanted him undone so that he may tell her at least _something_ she wanted to know.

"What, you think I haven't noticed the way you watch me? Especially when I'm with Fred." Marlene pushed, dropping her lids on her eyes to make her stare sharper, a small smirk arching her lips. "You seem so worried about him. Not to mention Potter… Oh yeah, I've noticed that too. You're really protective of him - everyone around here is. You get fidgety when I watch him and you definitely don't want me around him. I wonder why that is…" Marlene almost laughed at the way Black's eyes flashed.

"Don't tell me you've changed the way you swing in the last decades." Marlene taunted, the echo of laughter in her tone, but it was cold, demeaning.

Her eyes got sharper, her smirk more predatory. "You know, I always thought there was something more between you and Potter. And the boy looks a lot like his father, I mean who would blame you…"

"Marlene." Remus warned as he got his wand out, his eyes never leaving Sirius. If Marlene didn't shut up this instant, Remus was sure he would have to tie Sirius down to keep him from trying to break her neck.

"There's always the age issue though." Marlene pushed, her tone one of pleasant conversation, even as her eyes looked more wolfish than ever. "He's jailbait, you should watch out."

"You are one sick bitch, McKinnon." Black said, much more composed than Marlene expected him to be. Yet, the tension that was missing from his voice was all in his stance: he was standing more rigidly than a tightly pulled cable.

Marlene chuckled and the hair on the back of Remus' neck stood on its end.

"Hey, nothing personal, I don't care if you puff from the rough. I'm not sure how you handle it with the parents though." She said lightly, her eyes never leaving Black's.

"Potter Senior might have an issue with you popping his son. When it came to sexual deviances he was always such a tight ass." Her eyes flashed and the humor in them was almost real. "Though I suppose you're the expert in that subject matter… the tightness of Potter I mean." She added, as if it was an afterthought.

When she noticed how inappropriately impassive Black was behaving, she decided t push it further.

"No. No, Im entirely wrong, aren't I? You never _did_ heave it with wonder boy. Potter always struck me as a homophobic - probably that's why he never got it on with you when he had the chance…Is that where your obsession for Junior stems from?" Marlene snorted, as if amused. "That's disturbed Black. But, if it's any consolation, in my modest opinion, I think James was always scared he might actually _like it_ a little too much."

"And what about Evans? Does she know? Dear Lilikins was always very open that way, if you know what I mean" Marlene's eyes sparkled with intent and something else and Remus' fingertips twitched. "…but this is her baby boy you're literally fucking with, so I'd unroll the issue with care around her." She said lightly, her eyes never leaving Sirius', as if she was trying to hypnotize him. "How is the old c*nt by the way…"

Remus stepped between them just in time to put both hands on Sirius' shoulders and hold him in place. For once he was grateful that being a werewolf meant being stronger than ten men put together. He'd stood no chance if it had been any other way. But contrary to what Remus expected, Sirius didn't struggle, didn't try to get past him and reach Marlene.

Behind Remus' back and right in Sirius' face, Marlene laughed.

"Oh, this is just priceless. You know what Black, I think I'm gonnago find that boy and fuck him stupid just to spite you." Marlene murmured in what was supposed to be a coy bedroom voice, but the effect it had was to chill both men to the spine.

Finally, the effect she had been expecting came. Black was looking at her as if he was going to kill her on the spot. There was the kind of cold violence in his eyes that she knew backwards and forwards.

"You stay away from that boy or I promise you, I will wring your neck with my bare hands." Sirius said with a calm voice that carried the deathly certainty of a promise.

Marlene stared back with a calm that was characteristic of her. "You can try."

She then went for the door with decided steps before Black could even think of saying something.

"Were are you going?" Remus asked her severely as she passed by him.

"Behind the fucking sun. You're gonna follow me there too?"

Sirius watched as she closed the door behind her. She would have liked to slam it, he knew, but for some reason, the portrait of his mother scared her more than anything in this house and she took care not to have to listen to her screams.

"You don't even try to control yourself do you?" Remus asked bitterly as he moved in the direction of the fire, turning his back to his childhood friend. There was no accusation in his tone, only disappointment.

"You're not doing any better yourself Mooney, letting her get under your skin with the whole '_I'm sick, help me'_ act." Sirius's voice was just as devoice of challenge. This was more like a regrouping than a fight.

Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose trying to quiet down the headache that had just spiked.

"She _is_ sick Sirius."

"I know, but that's not the point! The point is that she is using that fact to spike your pity and manipulate you. She's using your guilt and you know it."

"Maybe the same way she's using your breathtaking anger management issues?" Remus asked pointedly as he turned to look at his old friend. Sirius took a deep breath and rubbed his face with both palms.

"Yeah, exactly the same way." Sirius admitted as he heavily exhaled. There were a few moments of silence between them, the only sound filling the room being the crackling of the fire.

"We're going to have to be careful from now on." Sirius said quietly and Remus nodded.

"I know. She's getting worse. That potion Hestia prescribed is not working well and unless Dumbledore doesn't find the exact formula, her nightmares are going to turn to full-blown hallucinations and we're going to have a borderline schizophrenic on our hands." Remus sad down on the sofa as he contemplated the possibility of this happening.

He never really knew the extent of Marlene's problem. She'd told him once that in her worst days, when the chemicals she took with her potions weren't there to balance her brain functions, then she couldn't tell the difference between what was real and what was not.

That didn't explain a lot, but Remus didn't really need to know the details at this point. All he knew was that he'd rather avoid the situation from getting any worse that it already was. But pulling up the medical records of a girl that had been dead for more than 15 years was proving especially difficult – especially when said girl was a paranoid, highly secretive individual from a family whose records were marked _'ultra top-secret'_ by the ministry of magic.

"That's certainly a problem, but it's not what I meant." Sirius said quietly. "We're not keeping her safe anymore, we're her keeping her prisoner – that's what she thinks now. She's going to get aggressive."

Remus straightened in his chair. "You think she's going to try to escape?"

"She already has. She's tried to break the window of her room and keeps trying to find loops I our security system." Sirius hated her guts and would leave her to root in some basement if he could… but still, he couldn't blame her for wanting to get out. There was nobody in that house that could understand that particular need better than he could.

"There are no loops in this house's security system." Remus asked, as if he was pointing out the obvious. Then his brow furrowed, as an unpleasant though made its way thought his mind. Remus look up to Sirius and realized that his old friend had been staring at him, wearing the same frown and momentary doubt.

Sirius shrugged. "If anyone could find a way to break these spells, it would be her…" He admitted as he ran a hand through his hair.

Remus closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. God, he was too old to babysit criminally inclined teenage geniuses. Marlene had been manageable when he had been under her command during the war, but now that he had to control her, Remus realized that it was safer trying to juggle hand-granates once the pins were off.

Sirius on the other hand, had another problem. He could handle Marlene just fine – it was everybody else he was worried about. The problem with Marlene wanting something done – anything – was that she usually got her way. But letting Marlene realize that her entire family had been killed was something that they'd have to avoid, even if that meant keeping her unconscious for the rest of the time she had to spend in this timeline.

Because Marlene might be a selfish bitch, but there was nobody she loved more than her parents and her brothers – not even herself. If she found out about them, there was no telling what she might do. The last time that had happened, she had blown up an entire manor with forty people –and herself - inside. Death Eaters, but still…

No, a vengeful McKinnon on their hands was an option Sirius was not willing to consider.

"Go get some sleep Moony. You look like shit." Sirius said getting up. He heard Remus' snort and his goodnight, but his mind was already working on possible collateral damage. He had half a mind to go check up on Marlene and see what she was going but he knew she would be expecting something like that and didn't want to be caught red handed.

But Sirius knew he had to be prepared. Marlene was not someone that adjusted well with reality. She didn't like to bend to rules that were not of her own making. She knew no high authority - in fact, as a McKinnon she had been educated to mistrust all kinds of authorities. There was little outside herself that she believed in and she prized her freedom higher than anyone Sirius had ever met.

And they had just robbed her of that freedom, so Sirius felt very sure in saying that she would be after some retaliation as well as trying to escape.

The problem was that once Marlene got on a roll, she became uncontrollable by any means of reason. Which, as Sirius thought about it a bit more, wasn't really _his_ problem, because he didn't really give a damn: he would use violence if he had to. The real problem was that so could she.

As he climbed the stairs to his room, he wished he had her off his hands already. Marlene McKinnon was a complication nobody needed… why couldn't someone else babysit her?

But, unfortunately, he knew the answer to that too: She was a volatile element and only someone who knew her could keep an eye on her safely.

Out of that category of people, Sirius and Remus were the only ones still alive…

oOoOoOoOo

Marlene climbed the stairs two by two the conversation she'd just had with Black and Lupin replaying her head, the adrenaline still in her veins. She was not entirely lucid but it was alright. She was boiling from within and that was what mattered. Once in her so called room, she started to get ready as silently as if she was a piece of the night that had taken life of its own. They wanted to keep her there, drive her up the fucking wall, well that was not going to happen.

She changed in the cotton pajamas she had borrowed from the redhead girl, wearing no undergarments under the baby-blue cotton. She cleaned her teeth and washed her face furiously.

They wanted her to be little miss Daisy as they watched her lose her mind? Let Dumbledore figure it all out, as if the old fart was some kind of god?

No thanks!

Opening the door, she heard no sounds coming from the stairs, so she climbed them silently. One floor above her own, in the opposite side of the house, was Potter's room. She stopped in front of it for a moment, thinking about it… but then decided against it. She knew she would be able to go anywhere with the Potter boy. He looked at her with a weird way. He was the kind of person that Marlene couldn't really read all the way through, but what was a bit more important -she wasn't sure she wanted to know _what_ he wanted. There was something in his eyes that made her uncomfortable, jittery.

Marlene had made up her mind that she was going to uncover his secret. She was going to do it because that was what she did best: she learned people's hidden thoughts and used those weaknesses against them. Marlene always wanted to know everything about everyone because she was a control freak, because otherwise she didn't feel safe. And here, in this house, she was at her most insecure, as if the very ground she walked on was covered with landmines. The people in there, they were all untrustworthy, lurking and strange. All of them hid something: their secrets had secrets, but that boy… oh, he was different. Marlene was sure that whatever that boy held, she was not going to like.

Yet, she was determined to find out what his deal was.

But not tonight.

She had had enough unpleasantness for tonight.

Right now she needed something else. Something sweet. And nice.

Marlene kept climbing the stairs until she got to the floor where Fred and George's room was. But one minute before she knocked, she hesitated. She knew herself – she was impulsive and extreme when it came to living out her decisions, but coming to conclusions and decisions involved a lot of careful thinking and analyzing.

But this: her standing in front of this door had not been the product of control and thorough planning. This was a decision made in the heat of anger.

Marlene stopped to think just for a second. Why was she doing this really? She was angry and was aiming at something that she knew would do some kind of damage, which was one reason. But this was not all - it couldn't be. This had to serve a purpose…

And as she thought about it, Marlene realized that it would. Because, she understood that this was something she actually wanted to do. For herself and not just to spite some old asshole.

She needed it. Needed some form of relief, some sensation that felt good. And what better way of finding it than with her body. After all, the body was the true mediator in the world. Every kind of life began from the flesh, every kind of love fulfilled in the flesh. The very essence of life was in the sensations that our body grants us: pain, pleasure these are the ultimate things that make us feel real, that make life as touchable as our flesh.

Even when she hurt on the inside, Marlene need to feel it on her body to believe that its real, that _she_was real. She did the same thing when she needed to remember what it felt like to feel good.

She desperately needed that awareness in this moment. Everything she had been feeling these days was pain and torment, so much that she had forgotten everything else. As if her mind had fallen and was incapable of imaging is way out of this nightmare.

She needed to remember, she needed a different reality to tackle, a reality that wouldn't sting.

Fred Weasleys was it. His skin was smooth and warm, he was sweet and nice, he was kind. He didn't look at her with anything but warm, playful desire. He didn't have strings in his intentions. He was not that kind of guy.

Marlene knocked lightly, trying not to make too much noise and wake up something she did not want to. The door opened after a minute or so. George was standing in front of her in his boxers and a white T-shirt.

"Hey. Can I come in?" The boy kept looking at her confused and before he had the chance to react in his half-asleep state, Marlene let herself in and closed the door behind herself without making any noise.

"George, wake up!" She whispered smiling and slapped his torso lightly, her tone playful. He hadn't given any sings that he was really awake. She looked over at Fred's bed. He was still asleep, one arm hanging out of the mattress. If she wasn't so blinded by the rush of blood in her head, she would have thought he looked cute.

"Why? I'm having a nice dream." Marlene would have been amused if she wasn't so high on adrenaline and anger. But she smirked at him nonetheless as she raised on eyebrow in challenge. George chuckled silently.

"I know my way to your room." He said as he put on his pajama shirt. "Don't make too much noise, those of us out of luck are gonna try to sleep some more tonight." George opened and closed the door of the room without making the tiniest sound, so much that Marlene was impressed. He could be silent too, if he wanted and Marlene knew that he would not get caught.

Before he was out the door, she was by Fred's bed, turning on the side-lamp, running a hand thought his thick hair. She didn't have time for a sweet awakening, nor would she have it any other way.

She bit his ear lightly and he almost jumped out of bed. Before he could say anything however, he saw her… and his breathing hitched. Marlene couldn't help a smile at his reaction. Something inside her warmed.

He was so sweet, so sincere… he was everything she wasn't, and everything she now desperately needed.

Marlene moved on the bed slowly, her eyes never leaving his as straddled his hips and the heat of him washing thought her, warming her. Without any patience at all, she took off her top and threw it away not giving a fuck where it landed. Her long hair spread around her shoulders disheveled, fallingon and aroundher breasts irregularly.

His eyes ate up every single inch of skin she showed. Marlene loved seeing the way he responded to her, so honesty and eagerly. She loved the darkness in his eyes, the softness of his hands.

She wasn't far behind him: she kissed him hard, sucking and biting his lips until he was able to respond properly. When he finally parted his lips she slid her tongue inside his mouth shamelessly, impatiently, making his head spin. His arms came around her and pulled her flush to him. It wasn't his first time, she could tell by the way he touched her, by the way he maneuvered her easily so that she was beneath him and how he got rid of her cotton pants as soon as he was on top.

His warm hands were everywhere, her cold ones sending shivers up his spine and other places, her legs trapping his hips, rubbing the back of his thighs as heat rose and thoughts started to become scarce.

And then, Fredabruptly stopped kissing her and opened his eyes as he propped himself on one elbow to look into hers, his deep blueeyes filled with questions and confusion. He was feeling her thin scars with his quick fingers, tracing the Morse code that wolves teeth had left along her right arm and upper thigh, the v-shaped scar on her left hip, the occasional marks on her ribcage…

"What's happened to you?" It was a whisper in the night, nothing more. How could she begin to explain the origin of those marks. She would have to start with her day of birth.

But he spoke it so sincerely that she almost felt pity for his pure soul. Because he was pure and good, no matter how much of a devilish trickster he could be. He had a warm heart, which was why she lusted after him so much. She fed off the goodness of other sometimes, in her darkest moments when she thought she would drown in the shadows of her own head. She wanted him in a way that had nothing to do with this time and place and everything to do with herself and the effect these horrible days had had on her. She needed something good and finding it within herself was too hard to try. He was so close, so sweet… it was hard not to use him.

"Would you rather talk all night?" Her words were accompanied with a smile, the kind of smile she knew would make him do whatever she wanted, just so that she could fulfill the promise she had silently give with that artful arch of her lips.

Fred's eyes unfocused a little as she pushed her hips up into his, like a caress. Not forceful – a reminder.

"Lock the door, put a silencing spell on the walls." She breathed between kisses. He reached for his wand on the bedside table blindly and did as she told him to. As soon as he was finished mouthing the silencing spell, her mouth was on his, on his neck, on his chest. He had smooth warm skin that rippled under her touch and that reminded her that sex and beauty are inseparable, like life and consciousness. And the intelligence which goes with sex and beauty, and arises out of sex and beauty, is intuition. That feeling, the deep intelligence of the body was the one she followed as she wrapped around him; it's what guides her hands as she tastes everything and lets herself go for the first time since she had fallen inside this nightmare.

He tasted of something sweet and peppermint, smelled of freshness and made noises that compelled her to run her teeth and tongue along the skin of his neck, abs and narrow hips, take a bite on his hipbone. She smiled at the way he ran his hands on her, everywhere so softly, caressing, leaving open-mouthed kisses, sucking, groping.

When she felt him move so close that she couldn't tell when she ended and he began, she breathed deep in his ear and felt her lungs fill air, for the first time in days…


	13. Chapter 12 - The forms of evil

**Chapter 12** – _The forms of evil_

_You know how some say that evil is a matter of perspective? _Never_ believe it. It is usually said by those who have done the worst wrongs they can live with. That is an interesting turn of phrase, don't you think: '_the worst you can live with'_. As if there is a threshold of evil that, if you surpass, it may kill you. This may come as a consolation - that people can do bad things until a certain point and then stop, because doing anything worse would kill them… But always remember, there is nothing human beings cant eventually learn to live with._

The next day started into someone else's bed and Marlene thought that the feeling wasn't a half bad. It felt better than waking up in her own room. She woke up as the first rays of sunlight hit her face, took her time getting dressed, gave Fred a wink of goodbye as she got out of his room and calmly walked to her own, not bothering to hide the fact that she had not slept in her own room that night.

When time for breakfast came Fred was loud and cheery, but he didn't give any sign to what had happened. He was fairly discreet even between the exchanged looks and smirks Marlene something didn't mind at all. A true kiss-don't-tell gentleman, she thought as she smiled to herself.

But even over the general ruckus of the breakfast table, Marlene couldn't help but notice that there were a couple of new faces in it.

Other than the usual habitants of Castle Dracula, another redhead had joined the party, bringing along a little girl that didn't look like the average Weasley. For starters, she didn't have red hair. The kid was small, round faced, wide doll-like blue eyes and hair like moonshine. Overall a cute little thing that would be, no doubt, beautiful soon enough. Marlene was sitting right in front of her. She caught the little girl's glance a few times, as the kid furtively watched her. _He_ was the definition of tall, dark and handsome – with red hair – which is a pretty rare combination. Fine body, broad shoulders, regular defined features, dressed as if about to go to a rock concert and sporting a nice ponytail Miss Weasley didn't seem to approve of. Interesting but not enough to hold her attention for too long.

Marlene was about to get up when Miss Weasley came on her with a passion.

"Oh, dear are you already finished?! But you haven't eaten a thing!"

"Well, considering how much you out in my plate, I'd say I ate plenty!" Before the women could talk Marlene continued her thought, without considering it much. "Besides, I'm saving some for the dog." The confused look on Miss Weasley's face made Marlene frown. That animal was _huge_, someone was bound to notice it! Unless… Marlene's heart skipped a bit and she felt her knees go weak.

Unless there was no dog at all, and she had made him up. It was happening: she was slipping. She felt the seed of fear plant itself in her stomach and almost make her fall on her knees. This deep-running phobia always paralyzed her. The fear that she was going to lose herself, lose her mind and everything that made her Marlene McKinnon…

"What dog dear?"

"Nothing, nothing. Forget it." Marlene sat back down, put her plate before herself, and stuffed her face with eggs and bacon so she wouldn't be able to talk for a few minutes, to avoid questions. She felt so drained, so much that she could barely hold the fork. It rattled against the plate.

"Oh, You mean…"

"She means Padfoot Molly." As she heard his voice, Marlene stopped chewing and looked up at him. Sirius Black seemed pretty sure of what he was talking about. She didn't want to give too much of a show by really expressing her relief over the fact that someone else knew of the existence of that animal, that someone else could see it, so she dropped her face to her plate again, pretending to eat.

"Right. Right, of course, I had forgotten about him. He stays all day locked in that room of yours that I can barely remember he is here! Well, you don't have to worry about that dear, Sirius takes care of him well enough." Marlene swallowed quickly and nodded. Then she turned to Black and nailed him with a pointed stare.

"So, is he yours or something?"

"Yes, you could say that." Black was very uninterested in the conversation, seemingly concentrated on a newspaper he was reading. After all, they were talking about a dog! Marlene would have bought it, if it hadn't been for the faces and those little half smiles of the people around the table. She felt like she was missing a big joke.

Or maybe she was the butt of the joke. Her stare turned into a glare.

"That's quite a coincidence you know, because I named him after you."

"Did you now?" He murmured as he read the newspaper, as if he hadn't heard her at all and was just saying something to pretend that he had. He paid more attention on sipping his coffee than to her statement. She felt her eyebrow twitch, but kept her tone as light as he could, failing to conceal the little biting at the end though.

"Oh yes. I've grown quite attached to Little Dick."

She took care not to speak loudly and let her voice sound neutral. There was much commotion around the room and the table with this family was never quiet, but she knew that he heard her, even though his only reaction was a barely visible upward twitch on one side of his lips and a glint in his eyes that she didn't catch, as he took as sip of his coffee.

"I'll pass that on to him." He said as he turned the page of the paper, completely ignoring her. She gritted her teeth but didn't say anything else, mostly because she didn't know what to say to his ignorance. Exactly in that moment Ponytail came back in the kitchen and crossed it in a few strides. She hadn't even noticed him laving the room. Marlene caught half of his sentence as he walked by her and sat down next to the little blond girl.

"… and Gabrielle wanted to come too. We don't understand each-other very well, but we get along just fine." The little girl looked up as she heard her name and smiled amiably. She didn't understand a word in English apparently. As the girl looked up, she met Marlene's eyes and looked down very fast.

Marlene smiled her half smile. The kid was thinking about her. She wondered what had been going though that head of hers.

"_What is it that you are thinking pretty thing_?" When Marlene's voice was heard, speaking French, heads turned her way. Marlene took another sip of her strong coffee and pretended not to notice. The little girl looked up at her, visibly exited.

"_Oh, you speak French! And like a Parisian mademoiselle too_." She was smiling widely, a tint of red in her cheeks.

"Oh, finally someone is going to have a conversation with this child!" Miss Weasley seemed quite relieved that now all her guests were satisfied.

"_You didn't answer me_." Marlene insisted.

"_Oh… I…_"

Marlene watched her, she was uncomfortable. She couldn't be more than 12 years old. Such a fragile looking things.

"_I was just thinking that I have never seen you here before, and that you are very lovely._" Marlene smirked at her words, but the girl hadn't finished.

"_I like your pendant, it's pretty_." The little girl added shyly, looking at the golden heart that was now resting aroundMarlene'sneck. The small diamonds in it gleamed in the morning light.

"_Thank you_."

"_Do you wear it always_?"

"_Yes_."

"_Did your boyfriend give it to you?_" the more she talked, the less shy the little girl got. Marlene found that she didn't really mind. It was easy to talk to this kid, she seemed such a curious thing, so truthful and whole. She wasn't even paying attention at the rest of the table. And the rest of the table wasn't paying attention to them either. Since nobody there could understand a word, they weren't really interested.

"_No. It was a gift from my brothers, on my tenth birthday._"

"_I don't have brothers, but I have a beautiful sister. She is so kind to me, my best friend. She and mama gave me a piano for my tenth birthday."_

_"I got my own piano when I was five." _Marlene admitted with a smile. Her mother had always delighted in the thought of her playing music. Of course, as all children, Marlene had hated it, as she had hated most of the things at that age. But she had taken classes for 10 years none the less. The more time passed the less of an inconvenience it became. It became a habit, one she didn't particularly enjoy, but didn't dislike either.

_"Oh, but I bet you have a boyfriend. You are so beautiful. I bet he loves you just as much as Billy loves my Fleur. When I grown up I want to be very beautiful so that I can find someone to love me like that._" This halted Marlene's thought. She instantly recoiled from what she had been thinking, like the thought had burned her. She had let her guard down, just because of a child. Such a stupid thing to do, especially in a room full of people that were always watching her.

"_You truly are a daughter of France, aren't you_?" Marlene whispered, more maliciously than she had spoken in almost 24 hours.

oOoOoOoOO

You have been watching her since she entered the kitchen. You watch her as she eats, as she sneaks little smiles at Fred, who is a little too happy this morning. You see her glance at the newcomers. Her eyes linger on the girl and you sharpen your attention.

You can't seem to trust her with anyone in this house. Her eyes are dangerous if they linger too long. It takes thick skin to know how to deal with her… Or maybe you're just projecting things. You try hard to always remember that she is only a scared little girl that has grown up too much too fast, like Remus says. You try because you don't want her to use your feelings against you, because you need control.

You listen to her voice. She is speaking in French… and German, Italian, Russian and god only know how many other languages. Still, like the rest of the table, your head snaps in her direction.

They are making a conversation… and somewhere in that conversation, you hear her tell things she would have told nobody else in a million years. Her necklace, her piano, her birthday. These are words she doesn't normally use, thoughts she never thinks out loud. You look up that then you see something truly insane. You see her face soften, relax, her eyes clear… warm up… and you forget that you were trying to make your observations subtle, you bluntly stare at her face. You are glad that you didn't blink, because if you had you would have missed it.

It went as soon as it came. The little girl was talking about beauty and boyfriends… and suddenly she goes cold, rigid and your attention flares. One corner of her lips twitches and her eyes shined dangerously. The ironic twist of her mouth grows into a mocking smile.

"_Let me tell you a secret_." You watch her lean forward and you wonder if she would be more dangerous if she was holding a knife. At the moment you are not so sure.

"_Beauty is _nothing. _Its less than nothing unless you know how to use it. It's a weapon like any other and if It's not used, it will turn against you._"

The little girl is confused. You watch Marlene pick up on her emotions like a wolf savoring the scent of the meal to come.

"_I do not understand_…"

You are so shocked by the words that are coming out of her mouth that you don't notice that the confusion in the little girl's face is mixing with fear. You seem like you can't react, it feels like it's just you and her in the room. You see Marlene's eyes flash and you drop almost your fork. You can almost see the mechanisms of her brain turning through the heat of the fire in her.

_"Nobody will_ love_ you for how beautiful you are_… _They will talk about you, lie about you, hate you, lust after you and gladly fuck you… but nobody will ever '_love'_ you. Beauty, my dear little girl, is one of the swiftest repellants of love._"

And with that, she crosses the line.

"Marlene… could you pass me the ham please?" You say loudly and she looks at you surprised, as if she didn't understand the question. Probably the murderous look on your face, the barely suppressed strain in your voice could be throwing her off the conventionality of the ham request and into another direction entirely.

"What?" she asks, confused.

"The plate of ham on your left, could you pass it to me?" She blinks once and then smoothed any emotions out of her face. The hint of anger was still behind her eyes but she denies, reestablishing her blank facial expression.

You take the small plate she offers, calmly add a few slices of ham in our plate and offer it back to her, which she rejects with a little dismissive move of her hand that is aimed to make you feel insignificant.

_Arrogant bitch_…

You gobble down you food listening in, but she doesn't speak anymore. You dare a look at the little girl. She has her eyes cast down, a deep frown on her face, confusion written all over her features. The damage hadn't yet sank in, she hadn't understood.

But she will, you knew that she will one day.

Maybe one day when she will be very sad or heartbroken and she is going to think that the strange girl she once met was right. She is going to think that nobody will ever love her and her innocent faith in love and the world the way she dreams it will be ruined.

Suddenly you understand what Marlene has done and your fingers twitch with the unprecedented violence. You hold the fork so tightly that Harry who is sitting on your side asks you softly what's wrong. You reply that its nothing for him to worry about and that you needed to talk to him later, in private. You stress that it is important and he nods, understanding floating in his green eyes.

All the while you are thinking of different ways to hurt her. _Really_ hurt her for saying those things to that little girl. You know she did it on purpose, that she enjoyed it. You imagine how well she would fly against the wall with a good punch, imagine her blood on your knuckles, your hands around her throat as she turns blue. You want to break that face of hers for trying to hurt someone so innocent, just because she can't get her own innocence back.

_Selfish animal!_

You turn your face to her and stare, willing her to look back into your eyes. You want her to know that you know, that you understand what she was trying to do. But she doesn't look back. She straitens her back and her eyes lose focus for a second, her head only moving towards your direction for a fraction, before she goes back to normally eating breakfast.

She is as perceptive as you remember, she knows that you are watching her with some kind of intent, but she doesn't turn to confront you with it. Why she doesn't you cannot fathom, but it doesn't placate your anger.

When she is getting out of the kitchen, you trap her in the narrow corridor and carelessly push her against the wall, hearing a thumb when her side contacts with it. She is easily pushed around, you realize, therefore, she is even weaker than you thought. But at the moment you don't care, on the contrary. In her case, important messages are better understood through fear.

"What the _fu_…"

"I can see right through your games." You push her against the wall again and hold her there with your forearm pressing against her throat just right, keeping her head in place and her body immobile. If she strains, you will be able to snap her collarbone with the barest pressure and she know that – which is why she is standing so perfectly unmoving. For a moment you almost feel like breaking her bones and you know that if you really wanted it wouldn't be too difficult. Her collarbone feels so flimsy against your fingers.

You know she deserves it.

"What the hell are you talking about, you freak? Let me g…" You push harder against her collarbone and she hisses as her left eye twitches, but she doesn't give any other sign that she felt anything.

"And if I even catch a whiff of your little tricks, I will lock you in your room in two seconds and forget about you in the next five." You look hard into her eyes and try to read her reaction, calculate her. You see anger and hatred, the confusion is thinly masked, the contempt starts standing out after the first second of silence. But through all of this, you can see that there is no fear in her.

She must know that you're not bluffing, but the knowledge has never stopped her from pissing you off before and it seems like it won't stop her now.

"Do it. Let's see how well that will fare with the rest of the people of this house." She said in a challenging tone and for a moment you are confused. "Group dynamics are not so hard to read Black. You might be fucked in the head, but not everyone here is as murderous about me as you are."

Your eyes narrow down on her suspiciously. "You seem awfully sure of what you're talking about."

"Always am." She says arrogantly even though your fingers are digging hard enough in her flesh to leave bruises. But she'll be damned if she'll show how much that hurts. You look into those ice cold eyes without blinking and ease up on your hold, so that she can concentrate better..

"Marlene, allow me to assure you of one thing: In here, the only thing I can't do is kill you. But I can do something much worse." You say, lowering your voice without even realizing what you're doing.

"I can lock you up in a five-by-five feet hole in the ground with no windows and a bucket to shit in. And before I do that, I'll also take that potion you drink every now and then… and _then_ I'll have real fun hearing just how loudly you can scream before going into a coma."

As you speak, her heartbeat fastens, her face pales and the pupils of her eyes dilates. _Now_ she is afraid. You can feel it, you can see it. It feels good… and it shows. You don't bother hiding the pleasure you derive from her fear, from her pain. It's quite an accomplishment really. You could have never done this in the past. There was nothing you knew of that could have ever scared Marlene during the war. She wouldn't even blink when Killing curses came her way.

But now you know her better. You know her fears and where to push her, you know what to say. You could torture her slowly this way. Nobody would notice, you know that. After all, you learned how to play this game from her and if there's one sure thing about the _'Marlene modus operandi'_ is that nobody can ever prove that you're actually doing something wrong.

You let go of her and take a step back.

"You hated me before, but it wasn't like this. Why do you want me dead?" She asks in a whisper. It's a very sterile question considering how much coldness radiates from her in this moments. It's as if she is asking about the weather. You know you shouldn't answer. By all means, she shouldn't even have been able to ask this question. You know what you should do: you should turn around, get out of this dark corner and climb the stairs back to your room, feed Buckbeak.

You take a small step closer to her.

"You killed someone I loved. A good person, that had never done you harm." You say slowly. Deliberately. Trying as hard as you can not to remember the face of the one you lost, the voice, the smile. "And you did it just to spite me. On a whim."

Marlene's face darkens."I've never killed anyone." She says through gritted teeth, with disgust and contempt at the very idea. Something which sounds and looks ridiculous, considering that the death toll on her hands during the war was second only to Voldemort himself.

"Not yet. But you will."

You turn around and leave, leaving her there to figure it all out by herself. You know you shouldn't have said that. Remus has told you now and again that you must not let her understand that there is a connection in your past and her future… but you just couldn't resist.

So what if she knows, that's not going to change anything anyway. You don't know if making her feel so trapped is the best thing to do though. Desperate people are dangerous. But a desperate McKinnon is a bomb waiting to explode in your face.

For the who-knows-what-time you wonder what the hell is going on inside Dumbledore's head.

oOoOoOoOo

A few hours later Marlene was watching as the others cleaned around the so-called room. She had seated herself on a so called sofa and was resting her legs on what seemed to be the impression of a coffee table. The tennis-shoes she had been given on loan had left an impression of themselves on the dust on top of said table.

"You missed a spot right there." She said pointing at a spot in Hermione's left, that she had truly missed when scrubbing the floor. Marlene smiled at the girl. Hermione scowled but said nothing and continued what she was doing. Marlene's smile turned into a smirk as she got back to her reading, ever so aware of that distinct pair of green eyes that were staring at her from across the room.

She had noticed the way Potter watched her. It wasn't about desire, she could tell. She was sure that he didn't want her that way. There was this unusual concentration in his stare that suggested nothing particularly good. He never made much conversation. It seemed funny to her how hesitating the son of James Potter could be. Who would have thought _that_?

Still, no matter how much he looked like his father, or had the eyes of his mother, there was something singular about him that reminded her of neither. It was in his face, in the expression of his eyes, an odd seriousness did not belong to any of his parents. He had an impassive face usually and a sad face when he thought nobody was looking. How strange that he would think that. Usually, there was always at least one person looking at him. It was like they always kept him under watch or something. That was strange in itself. Almost as weird as a handful of people - obviously used to a better life – staying in the most rotten piece of medieval architecture she'd ever seen.

"Interesting book?" Marlene looked up to be met by the hard eyes of Hermione Granger.

"Very." She responded, smiling widely and then lowering her eyes to the pages again.

"What's it about?" The irritation in Hermione's voice was very detectable even though she tried to hide it under a layer of sternness. Marlene didn't actually know that Hermione only got that stern when she was irritated. It wasn't a try to cover up an emotion, it was the emotion itself. However, Marlene's tone was one she would use in a pleasant conversation. At least so it looked from the smile on her face and the calmness, even cheerfulness of her voice. She didn't look up as she spoke.

"Ways of torture used in the middle ages. I supported a thesis for this in my Muggle Studies last year, got an Excellent for it too. The books at Hogwarts never had such vivid pictures though."

"I can't imagine why." Hermione leant heavily on the sarcasm, but it only made Marlene smile a bit more.

"I know you can't… It's actually really cool if you have a strong stomach."

"I'm sure. Where did you get it?" Marlene's smile became more pronounced as the irritation in Hermione's grew. The more rigid and mad the bushy haired girl got, the more relaxed and pleasant the countenance of the wolf-girl appeared to be.

"On the shelves at the back of the room." Marlene responded without even looking up from the pages.

"Sirius said we had to throw all of those out, sorry. Could you give it to me please?" Hermione didn't sound sorry at all as she extended her hand to take the book. Marlene's only response was something between a laugh and a snort.

"Oh, this has _got_ to hurt…" She said as she looked at a picture of a man being torn limb from limb, not giving the slightest impression that she had even heard the other girl. Remus who was standing a few feet away didn't know if to interfere or leave it be. He had seen this kind of thing many times before, so long ago that he had forgotten how it could downplay. As he watched the two girls, he intensely wished that the memory had stayed forgotten.

"Excuse me, I said…"

"Oh, I heard you fine the first time, I was just ignoring you."

"This is Sirius's house and…"

"Seriously pet, I care so little, I almost passed out!"

"You know what," Ginny was now at Hermione's side. "The garbage can is that way. When you're done, throw it in. Be careful not to fall yourself, nobody would be able to tell the difference"

Marlene's laughter was so full of humor that it was unclear whether it was fake. "Aw, that was cute princess Nancy. Did you learn that from Sally the Swooping Squirrel?"

"Marlene, that's enough." Remus's voice sounded firm and strong between them. "Please go help Molly bring up the rest of the cleaning supplies."

Marlene stared at Remus, who looked back in her eyes with just as much harshness. She rolled her eyes at him after a few seconds and dropped the staring match.

"Fine Carla." She said calmly and got up, crossing the room, taking the book with her. Before she left she turned to Ginny and Hermione "Bye Betty, Bye Wilma."

"You know, when you first got here, I was actually sorry for you." Hermione started, making Marlene stop in her tacks and turn to listen. "But now I see that you are just a spoiled, egocentric, _evil_ little girl who loves to make everyone feel just as badly as you feel."

Marlene smiled, but it seemed more like a grimace because it didn't touch her eyes and there was no traces of humor in her face at all. There was something ominous about the glint in her eyes.

"Well well… aren't you the observant one. You pretty much got it all down. And you better remember it when you talk to me." Marlene said slowly, calmly.

Hermione watched the way the girl glared at her, and she felt something inside herselfsnap to alert. There was a paralyzing violence in those crystalline eyes, a ferocity that burned cold. Hermione's fingers had itched to grab her wand.

"I am not your mother, I am not your hugger. If you need love, find a hooker. If you don't like it, find a ledge or a way to deal. Either way, I don't give a fuck"

Marlene turned her back on everyone and made her way to the door again. As her hand toughed the handle, she turned her head to look at Ronald Weasley who was frozen between surprise and horror.

"Hey Bambi! Yeah, I'm talking to _you_, Ronald. About all that tension on our little girlfriend's voice - I'd work on that if I were you." Ron blinked, not understanding a word of what Marlene was saying. "A little tip… you need to go down for the flower." She winked at him with a cruel smirk plastered on her lips, closed the door behind herself as she went out, but her laughter filtered into eh room like a bad smell.

Remus looked around panicked, but from the confused faces the kids had on, nobody had quite understood what Marlene had been talking about. He sighed in relief and motioned everyone to get back to work. Hermione was huffing.

"I never thought that I would put Malfoy alongside with someone else and think: '_What a darling_!_'_" Hermione said as she slammed the books on the bin and kicked it aside. Then she turned to glare at Harry. "Still want to put faith in that… that _excuse for a human being_?" Harry didn't answer his friend, he just looked down. Then after 10 seconds Ron spoke, a little insecure.

"What was she talking about, 'down for the flower'?" He looked at Harry, who shrugged, as clueless as everyone else. "Why does she keep calling Remus with girl's names? And what the bloody hell is a _bambi_?"

OoOoOoOoO

Marlene was surprised not to find Black at her throat again after what she said in there. In a way she was disappointed. She wanted to make them all as insane as she was feeling. If she had to suffer, they would join her – she'd make sure of it. And in the mean time she had to find a way to get the hell out of this house. Because it was obvious that the Grand Old Man was not going to do it for her.

"Hello Miss Weasley." Marlene said once she was into the kitchen. The short redhead woman was there as always, moving between the back and the front of the room and looking busy.

"Oh, hello dear. I've made a few sandwiches, have some. Dinner will be served a bit late today I'm afraid." The redheaded woman kept checking on something boiling on a caldron as she spoke.

"Thank you, but I'm not very hungry, but… Miss Weasley, I really need something for my head. I feel like it's going to bust open." Marlene watched the lady turn away from the stove and wipe her small hands on a napkin she kept tucked into her aprons pocket.

Molly looked at the girl and frowned as she moved to sit on the table and motioned Marlene to join her. Marlene did as she was asked without saying a thing. Sometimes this child's quietness and those sharp eyes put Molly a bit on edge but after being around Marlene for a few days she had gotten used to the silences. It was not weird, only unusual: none of her children was ever this quiet.

And none of them looked so sickly, Molly thought with worry. Maybe it was too soon to expect anything, but throughout all these days, Marlene had not gotten much better. If anything, she seemed to be getting worse. She looked tired, her eyes were sunken, her skin stretched thin and pale over her bones and her eyes were lit, like she had a fever. Molly tried the girl's forehead, but it was cool, almost cold.

"The headaches are not uncommon after a concussion. Hestia said that you wouldn't be feeling in your best shape for a while, she left a few light sedatives for you… but it's still worrisome. And you look so pale dear. Are you sleeping well?"

"Don't worry Miss Weasley, headaches are common with me. And I look pale because I haven't seen sun in months – didn't have the chance to go on a proper vacation last summer."

Marlene watched the frown on Miss Wesley's smoothed out little by little and the woman even hinted a smile. She had such a pretty face when she was not frowning. Despite her age, Molly Weasley's skin was still beautiful, without a blemish and hardly any wrinkles. The little ones around her eyes seemed more like from laughter than anything else. The ones on her forehead were the wrinkles of worry, the ones that showed when she was angry, irritated and sad. But when she laughed, her eyes shined. She laughed from her heart.

"You are a beautiful woman Miss Weasley."

Molly looked over at the child across the room. A strange feeling gathered in her chest at the sight of the girl seated under the sun that was streaming from the window, with her shoulders slumped as if tired to death and a sad smile on those lips. The light illuminated her scarred cheek and sickly face…

Molly smiled despite the thoughts that here hovering in her head. "Oh, my dear, most of my share of beauty has gone with my years."

"It hasn't. That kind of beauty never goes away."

"Why, thank you dear." Marlene nodded and watched the Molly go back to her cooking, still smiling and even a little blushed with pleasure from being complimented.

After a few more minutes she invited Marlene to come upstairs and eat the sandwiches with the rest of the kids, but Marlene declined politely. She did take two sandwiches before she went up to her room however and Molly hoped that she would eat them. Because despite everything, despite seeing that girl threaten to cut Sirius's throat open, Molly felt a deep sympathy for her. There was just something forlorn about that child that Molly couldn't help but empathize with.

The sight of that girl sitting in the kitchen table looking so broken was something that Molly was not going to forget easily. There was a part of her that wanted to protect Marlene for the child that she had forgotten she was, the same way she wanted to protect her own children from the possibility of being that hurt.

But another part, a more alert and watchful part, told her to beware, because despite the fact that Marlene looked and indeed _was_ a child right now, she would one day grown to be one of the most feared killers of the First Wizardign War. Some considered her a mindless killer others a hero, but the truth was that she had been feared by both sides equally. Marlene McKinnon was never a Death Eater, but she never really worked with the Order either. Her methods had been extreme and her means had been fit to achieve them: she didn't take prisoners.

The step from the child of now to the fierce warrior of the First War was not so difficult to make. There was something dark in that child, restless beneath the surface and just waiting to come out. Something that seemed to lurk in the corners of her being and that sometimes even showed in Marlene's eyes whose razorblade-sharp focus Molly could never really get used to…

"Molly? Are you feeling alright?"

Molly startled at Remus' voice. She had been so deep in thought that she had not been noticing anything about her, not even Remus coming into the kitchen a moment ago. But despite her fright, she was infinitely relieved that Remus was there. He was the only one she could talk to these days.

"Oh Remus, I'm so glad to see you." And for once they were alone, so they could talk freely. " Tell me, has Dumbledore said anything about Marlene?"

Remus looked into Molly's eyes and saw nothing but worry. "No, I'm afraid he hasn't mentioned anything."

"But how long do you think that child is going to be staying here?"

"I sincerely don't know Molly."

Molly sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "She is still unwell, so pale and bony. And for the life of me, I cannot stare at her face for more than a few moments at a time." She regretted her choice of words the moment they left her mouth. She looked up to see Remus's reaction, and apparently it was what she had been expecting.

"I do not mean because of the scars Remus…" there was an impatient note in her voice as she practically scolded her old friend for thinking that. "It's just this look she gives me sometimes, when I help her change the bandages on her legs or when we are alone. I feel like I'm talking to an old woman when she looks at me like that. No child should be so… so helplessly desperate."

Remus looked up at Molly, suddenly very away of the tone of her voice. He felt the pick of alarm in him and the need to warn Molly of what she was really dealing with was stronger than his respect for her intelligence and intuition.

"Please be careful Molly, she is not as childlike as you seem to think her. There has been nothing _remotely_ childlike in Marlene McKinnon for a long time now." Remus was deadpan serious as he spoke. "She senses peoples' weaknesses and exploits them. Trust me, that girl has the habit of manipulating everyone around her to get her way and she is very good at it."

"I am far from naïve Remus - or uninformed, for that matter. I've heard of the things she has done, I know who she is." Molly looked almost angry as she spoke. She was thinking about what she remembered on the first war, how it was back then, how it had changed everyone she had ever known.

She knew that Marlene McKinnon and her ways of dealing with problems hadn't been very admirable… but she also knew what it felt like to be afraid for the life of those you loved most. She could understand that feeling, relate to it.

That kind of fear is like metal on your tongue, the heart that beats in your throat. The torture of not knowing feels like slow drowning. Waiting for every moment to bring you death, yours or someone else's is so acute that every time the there is a knock on the door, you die a little anyway. Molly remembered it, and was experiencing it all over again now. But this time it was worse, because she had so much more to lose, so many people she loved that could be taken away… Like Fabian and Gideon had been.

Oh yes, Molly could understand the desire to kill. And she knew in her heart, in the heart of a mother, that she would rather make a murderer of herself than allow one of her children, one of her family, to be hurt.

Probably that had been the way Marlene McKinnon had seen it, when she had done all the things she had done.

Seeing her now, so defenseless and fragile - so human - made Molly even more convinced of her theory.

"I saw her only once, years ago. Only a glimpse." Molly started, her voice soft, her eyes glassy as she remembered that single time."The last meeting the Order had before the Potters went into hiding was held at the Burrow. I remember seeing Lily Potter and another girl – Fabian told me she was Marlene later on – as they saidgoodbye to each other…"

Molly had been in the porch when the members started coming out. The two girls had stood out from the others, because they were the only ones without a hood covering their heads and hiding their faces in the shadow. James had been by Lily's side as the two girls embraced and put their foreheads together for a moment. It all had looked so very intimate and quiet; so very sad really, probably because of the helpless resignation that was painted all over their faces like a mask.

It had looked as if the two of them were sisters…

After that, Molly had seen Marlene's face only for 5-6 seconds before the heavy hood of her cloak hid it from view and she disappeared entirely – but still, Molly had recognized her instantly when Marlene's face had healed from all the injuries she had sustained when she fell upon them. That girl had a face that was hard to forget…

Molly looked up to Remus for something like an explanation.

"They were friends at Hogwarts… and after. I believe Lily was the only person I have ever heard Marlene refer to as a friend. All others were '_occasional_ _acquaintances'_." He used her own words for that.

Remus had never understood that friendship of theirs, but Lily was truly the most amazing person he had ever known. She had the rare gift of loving anyone for exactly who they were and it brought out the best in people. As far as he knew, Marlene had cared about Lily too. At least, loved her enough to be willing to kill for her safety…

But then again, to Marlene, taking someone's life had not been difficult at the time. Everyone had a looser hold on their wand back then. It was either kill, or be killed.

"The next time I saw her, was when a picture of her family was out in the Prophet, after…" Molly paused again. She was staring at a spot on the floor. "But it was an old one, she was maybe ten or eleven years old there… Fabian, bless him, knew her back then. He spoke to me about her a few times. I think he fancied her."

There was the shadow of a smile on Molly's lips as she spoke and Remus' eyes widened at hearing that name from her lips. She never spoke about her brothers and from the very beginning he had been advised not to talk about them in her presence if he could help it. He watched Molly breathe deeply again, as if she was taking strength.

"I wouldn't wonder, she is quite a beauty in her way… and what character. Fabian always had a weakness for difficult things. And he wouldn't bear a bad word to be spoken about her in his presence." Molly looked up to meet Remus' carefully composed face and smiled. Remus blinked out of his momentary shock.

"I'm not sure of the circumstances, but I do know that your brothers joined Marlene's unit for a brief time. I think she saved his life a couple of times…" Remus trailed off, not knowing what to say more, but going from the sad smile on Molly's face, nothing further needed to be said.

"Yes, I figured that. He wouldn't tell me, but I knew… Fabian said to me once… he told me that she had a truly brilliant mind, but that it was brilliant like a fractured mirror. All marvelous facets and rainbows, but ultimately, something that was broken." Molly's voice was soft and her eyes lost to an old memory of the past as she spoke.

"I cannot disagree with him on that." At least not in any way that would make sense – but he couldn't go into all that with anyone but himself. Nobody else would understand. Remus wasn't even sure he fully understood how he felt about Marlene McKinnon…

"But I can. At least now I do. That makes her sound as if she is sick of mind and I do not think that is it. I believe she is just in pain." The moment Molly said those words she realized that she believed them more strongly than she'd thought she did. It was as if they had been on the tip of her tongue the entire time. But she noticed the hesitation in Remus' eyes.

"What?" she asked him, as if she was challenging him. She didn't know much about this girl, but she could recognize grief when she saw it. It was a tattoo of theexpression on someone's face. Once you taste it for yourself, it sets you apart and you can recognize the signs of its passing even in other people.

Remus on the other hand was giving her a look that could almost be pity.

"Molly, I have known Marlene McKinnon for 11 years of my life. I have fought by her side for nearly four of those years and still I was never able to fully understand her. She may have her heart in the right place, but she is so damaged in so many ways that…" He stopped, trying to clear his way into his thoughts. How could he explain something he didn't really understand himself?

So he decided to put it in a way that Molly would understand. "She doesn't think like most people do, she doesn't have the same rules as everyone else. You shouldn't let your fear for your children misguide your judgment of her intentions."

Molly signed as if tired to the bone, even though barely half the day had gone by. "Why do you and Sirius think it's safe to assume she has ulterior intentions? She is perfectly nice to me and the children. She has not tried to harm Harry or anyone…"

"We are keeping her trapped when all she wants to do is get out. In her eyes that makes us the enemy and she'll treat us as such." Remus was staring into her eyes with such intensity that Molly found it a bit hypnotizing. She had never known much about Remus and Sirius during the war. She knew even less about Marlene, but there was obviously something between the three of them and Molly wasn't sure she liked it. She didn't trust the way Sirius looked at Marlene either… Whatever it was between them, it was something ugly.

"This is not a war-game Remus." Molly said and her voice was so steady and strong that it made Remus think her insides were made of steel.

Remus found himself frowning in confusion. "I know it is not."

Under Molly's eyes Remus felt like he had to add something else in order to really say what she expected him to say.

"Does Sirius?" Molly asked emphatically and Remus understood where the catch was: Molly had picked up on Sirius' behavior around Marlene. To tell the entire truth , Remus himself didn't feel comfortable being around his friend in the last few days. Sirius oozed so much hatred and anger whenever Marlene was around that it seemed to poison the very air around him.

"He does." In front of Molly's incredulity, Remus felt the compulsion to protect his friend. "Sirius may be impulsive sometimes Molly, but he would never do anything to harm anyone he cares about."

"That is precisely what worries me Remus." Molly said, her voice getting stronger by the minute. "Sirius may not hurt those he cares about, but the others… I have a feeling Marlene McKinnon is very much expandable to him. Dumbledore placed that child in our care – in _my_ care - so let me make one thing very plain: I don't care what that girl has done to the two of you, I will not have her harmed for as long as I am under the same roof. Is that in any way unclear?"

Those who underestimated the deductive powers of Molly Weasley were supremely in the wrong, Remus realized. He nodded soberly. "Yes. Perfectly so."

He had hardly finished his sentence when they both heard a loud noise coming from outside the kitchen door. It sounded like lots of boxes falling over and there was the distinctive yelp of a person. The portrait of Mrs. Black started screaming instantly and both Molly and Remus rushed to the door both to see what had happened and to shut that old screeching bat up.

"Ginny?"

Molly helped her daughter get out from the boxes she had fallen in the minds of as Remus closed the curtains in front of Mrs. Black once more. Once the three of them were into the kitchen, Molly turned towards her daughter and pinned her in place with a look that could freeze armies.

"_Ginevra Weasley_!"

"Yes, mother!" Ginny whispered. "I tripped ok, it was pitch black out there and I dint know that those boxes were even there!"

"It's my fault Molly." Remus intervened immediately. "I brought them down not 10 minutes ago. I should have left them more out of the way."

Molly's countenance didn't soften, but she rolled her eyes and went towards the only cabined in the room to grab a clean cloth. Ginny dared to throw a cautious look at Remus who gave her a tentative half-smile as if they shared a guilty secret. But it didn't last because her mother was on her the next moment, cleaning her scratches with that wet cloth. And she wasn't too gentle either, all the time muttering about Ginny's carelessness and lack of direction.

"Seriously mum, it's not like I did it on purpose. I just tripped!"

"Of course you _just_ tripped. You _just_ tripped, you _just_ fell, you _just_ got burned, you _just_ fell of the stairs…"

"When have I ever fallen off the stairs?!" Ginny asked, completely thrown off. Remus, who was sitting at the table drinking tea, couldn't help but admire the likeness of the two women as they argued.

"You were two years old and you slipped by your father and would have broken you little neck down 3 flights of stairs if I hadn't caught you in time." Ginny stared with her mouth open, her eyes wide. Then she turned to Remus and mouthed '_Help'_ showing all the possible desperation in her face, her eyes practically screaming. Remus shook his head with a small smile and motioned her to go.

Ginny closed the door rolling her eyes, walked a few steps quietly and slowly, turned to look at the door for another few seconds and then, just like that, bolted up the stairs as if she had the Grim after her. She burst into the room Harry and Ron shared without even knocking and found the trio in there, looking as if they were about to do something really stupid – as usual. They all started at her sudden and loud appearance.

"Bloody hell Ginny! Are you mental, you scared me half to death!" Ron was obviously affected as he brought a hand to his chest, but Ginny couldn't care less. She still couldn't catch her breath from the Olympic run she just did.

"Follow thought… has always been… my problem, Ronald." Ginny couldn't even finish with a whole sentence, she still hadn't caught her breath. She closed the door, and came to sit with them as she pulled oxygen in her lung and her heartbeat calmed down.

"We were having a private conversation if you don't mind." Ron was doing his best to sound affronted, but before he could get to angry, Ginny shut him up with a glare.

Then as she looked right into Harry's eyes, she finally spoke. "You will never, _ever_ believe what I just heard."

_AN: I know that this is kind of long, but I tried splitting it up in two and it wasn't working. _


	14. Chapter 13 - Once uppon a time

**Chapter 13 – **_Once upon a time..._

_I wear my history on my skin. Every place my body has broken every bruise where my soul has cracked, it's all there. A permanent tattoo of me, on me. I am the great artist, the moving gallery. I am the bruises that never fade, the anger that never wears off, the blood that always boils. The stain on something beautiful, that's what I am… I am what would have scared my four year old self, what I never thought I'd be._

_But my life didn't start out in anger. _

_A long time ago I was a child. _

_Even though I don't remember it, once upon a time, I was pure too …_

As her mother before her, Celestia had had the best education a female could have. She was a highborn pureblood aristocrat, famous for her grace and delicacy, adored like a goddess by all men for her beauty and sweetness of temper. She had been so sought after that she had had the privilege of choosing for a husband someone who had earned her love. Her choice had not been welcome at first, to say the least.

Marcus McKinnon was the descended of an ancient family, but he was standing on the ruins of his father's empire when she had met him, which made him so splendidly different from everyone she had ever met before. He was the adventurer, the daredevil… the man who had the courage to dream beyond what he was, the daring to imagine everything. She had never done that, so naturally, he seduced her with his spirit.

In time, Marcus proved to be much more than his ambitions, turning his dreams to reality and still going beyond them, earning the gold back and thus his good name among the people he had married into.

Celestia on the other hand, had been every bit the charming wife that everyone want to be friends with at tea parties. And she gave him two splendid boys: Charles Gray McKinnon and Henry Stanford McKinnon… and one gorgeous little girl, the resplendent Marlene Clarisse McKinnon.

Now, Celestia loved all her three children equally… but she had to admit to her heart that she had always wanted a little girl.

Every mother needed a little girl, for herself and no one else. She loved her two boys more than she had ever believed she could have loved anyone. They were quite literally the apple of her eye; they were all she could see, all she wanted to know. She would gladly tear her own flesh away for them, she had almost died to bring the second one to light and she would drop dead that very instant if it would mean a happy life for each of them. They were her two little boys – as simple as a grain of sand, as full as the universe.

That said, she knew that other than the centre of her world, the boys were Marcus' heirs too, it was almost her duty as a woman to have them.

But Marlene… Marlene was hers alone. She would teach everything to her girl, because there was nobody that could do it better. She would raise Marlene to be a woman of worth, just like her mother had raised Celeste. With grace and poise and games and play, she would give her baby girl everything a young lady would want. Marlene would be perfect, the most beautiful woman to have ever walked the earth. She would be smart and quick-witted, give the boys a run for their money. Celestia would even teach her how to be coy and play with the hearts of men until they fell at her feet with mad desire.

With the bundle of snow white blankets in her arms, Celestia rocked back and forth and could see a whole life for her daughter. All the chances, all the riches, all the lights and splendor would be hers. No newborn baby had ever been that loved.

oOoOoOoOo

"Ca-usel! Ca-usel!" The little girl with a thick head of raven curls kept jumping up and down and pointing at the colorful horses that spun round and round. She could barely say the word, didn't pronounce the R-and hardly got the S-s out right; it was the cutest thing her mother had ever heard, so much that she made passersby smile when they heard her. Marlene's peachy skin was flushed with excitement and her brilliant eyes shined like sapphires. In her crisp white dress, she was more beautiful than a lifeless porcelain doll would ever be.

Her mother took her up in her arms and together they say astride a golden horse, followed by the gleeful screech of the child. Marlene was exited and her happiness was contagious. The mother laughed with her child as the carousel started turning.

"Faster, faster!" Marlene yelled, smiling so much her cheeks hurt. Ever since she had discovered what a carousel was, she wanted to ride one every minute of the day. So her mother took her to the muggle park across the street every day.

"We can't go faster baby, we talked about this." Celestia explained, her voice soft and reasonable.

"Faster. I want faster!" Celestia sighed wearily. She would comply of course. She put her hand inside her pocket and without withdrawing her wand, she performed disillusionment spell on herself, the horse and little Marlene, and then a levitating spell… and the lifeless hoarse of the carousel disengaged from the round-spinning motion and began floating through the park. A simple illusion stayed in their place, to keep the muggles at bay.

Marlene was ecstatic. Celestia was a bit more cautious – she had to be careful in maneuvering the horse around, but if she hadn't done this for her girl, the child would have done it herself.

The second time Celestia had taken her on a carousel, Marlene had transfigured the horse to life, disengaged it from the static platform and start galloping through the park…, which had been quite a show for the muggles there. Of course, Celestia had been able to stop it before anything major happened, but it had still been quite a mess to clean for the Ministry.

Celestia's first reaction was statement, and then worry of course, about all the muggles gasping at them. But then, in the quiet of her home she had had enough time to marvel at her daughter's talent. To perform such a complicated transfiguration spell, just by wanting to, was simply… breathtaking.

Of course, she had explained to Marlene that she should not do magic outside the house, and Marlene, as all children, had looked confused and apologetic as she explained that she never meant to do anything wrong… she had just really wished that the horse was real.

And the pride in Celestia had swelled up and spilled over like on overflowing cup. Her daughter was smart, she loved reading and learning she had a very persistent attention span, (so much that it was annoying sometimes: she never relented until she got what she wanted) she was beautiful like a brilliant spring day and she was talented, so much that magic came as easy to her as walking.

As she tucked her little girl into bed for the night, Celestia felt happy. She was the luckiest woman alive, no mother could be happier.

oOoOoOo

How could everything have gone so terribly wrong? How had it happened? Her poor baby, so beautiful so perfect. Now in a hospital bed and so unmoving, so drained of life…

Why had she not foreseen it? Why had she allowed her child to go out that day? It had been so cold outside and Marlene had been so rosy-cheeked and almost feverish with excitement… feverish. She should have known, a better mother would have.

But she had felt nothing. No cold shivers, no sudden clarification of distraction. She had been making chit-chat with her friends when her child needed her. She had allowed her daughter to play in the snow – it was her fault that Marlene had gotten lost in the woods and had almost frozen to death.

Why had she not felt anything? Weren't mothers supposed to have a sixth sense when it came to their children being in danger? When her little girl was fighting for her life, she had been giving a tea party and praising her children to the heavens.

There was something wrong with her, Celestia was sure. Something had broken in her and she was not fit to be a mother to such perfect a creature. So god had decided to punish her, taking her little girl from her…

_Oh god, please no… I'll be better I swear. I'll be more attentive, I'll live for her alone… please don't take her… I beg you._

Celestia moaned, tortured by her own thoughts. A heavy hand came on her shoulder, warm and reassuring, but she couldn't stand being comforted. She didn't deserve an ounce of the kindness Marcus had to offer.

She got up and started pacing around, hands in her hair, almost pulling it out. She refused to look behind the glass pane. She just couldn't look at the little body of her Marlene all intubated and so utterly unmoving. She had never seen a more unnatural sight: Marlene was never so still. Even in her womb, she had moved around all the time, not giving Celestia a moment of peace. The peachy, healthy shine of Marlene's skin was gone, now replaced by a gray pallor that inspired such a deep fear in Celestia's heart that her throat constricted every time she looked upon her daughters face.

She couldn't stand this waiting. She couldn't be in the same room with her husband and take his words of comfort and the warmth from his embrace that she so needed. She couldn't accept those gifts he so freely gave because she wasn't worthy of them. It was her fault. She had been the one to make her daughter sick. With her lack of attention she had condemned her daughter to a slow death. It was her fault, hers alone, if Marlene didn't make it through…

With a heartbreaking cry, Celestia stopped walking and found herself leaning against the wall for support because her feet would not carry her a step further. And once she got the support of the cold wall she found that her legs couldn't hold her up either. She slid down the wall, balling in a fist, trembling and sobbing so desperately that she wasn't even crying anymore. It was like listening to a wounded animal's last cries of pain. In a moment she was pulled up by two strong arms and held against a wide chest. She didn't even have enough presence of mind to push away.

Marcus' voice came to her ear, warm and soothing. "It's ok, let it out. Do whatever you need to. Let it all out."

Celestia had done what she had been told to do her entire life, but never had doing as she was told been so instinctual as in that moment. Never had someone known so well what she needed and known how to suggest it so simply and yet so comprehensively… so she cried and sobbed hard till her throat was sore and she couldn't make a sound anymore, except for the drags of her breath she took so irregularly.

In her mind she kept alternating between apologies and prayers. Praying to whatever was out there to let the best part of her live.

oOoOoOoOo

Celestia sat in the chair near her daughters bed, feeling happier than she had felt ever since Marlene had fallen ill five weeks ago. Now as she looked back upon the days filled with the terror of waiting for her daughter to get better, to move, to open her eyes from that unearthly sleep that had swallowed her, Celestia shivered.

It was much too terrible still, even though Marlene had opened her eyes four days ago for the first time.

She had opened her eyes but that had been it. Marlene had barely been able to speak a word, her eyes moved slowly and she couldn't not move at all. Celestia had been so immensely happy to see her daughter's clear eyes but when she realized the extent of the paralysis and the fact that Marlene could barely speak, her blood had un cold. She had started crying and screaming for the healer, scaring her daughter out of her mind, making her cry as well. Half the medical team of the floor had come to Marlene's room, fearing complications - like the heart failure that her daughter had had 8 days prior or another renal malfunction.

Celestia watched as the chief healer started to examine her daughter for the third time in two days. They were running incessant tests to see if her coma had left any permanent or temporary damages on her. Four days after first waking up, Marlene was now talking almost normally, and her organism was recuperating fast… but she still couldn't move.

And she hated the hospital and made sure that everyone around her knew it.

"Good morning princess. How are you feelings today?" the old man said with a smile. He had been very patient with Marlene, who had not once been in a cooperative mood.

"I want to go home." The four year old said, with the frown that would better suit the face of a forty year old.

"Ah, I want to go home too…" the Healer said and sat down at the side of the girls little bed. Celestia watched from the side of the room, holding on to her husband's hand.

"So why don't you?" Marlene asked, still looking suspiciously at the healer. He was the only one with whom she didn't scream when touched during examination. But that didn't mean she was any more pleasant to him than to the others.

"Ah, well, because I have to make sure that you go home first." The healer said simply, making Marlene blink and narrow her eyes at the old man. She then looked at the uniform, and her frown eased somewhat.

"The color of your coat is detestable." She said, with kind of seriousness she would say something terribly important.

The healer seemed to be taken aback by that comment but then he bursts out laughing so heartedly that his face reddened a little. Marlene relaxed at the sound of his laugh, as if the fact that he could laugh like that proved that he was trustworthy. Or that he was at least human, not like those others that had poked and prodded her with cold metal stuff and jabbed sharp needles in her skin.

"Ah, my dear girl… I have been thinking the same thing for the last 68 years." The healer said, still smiling widely whipping under his eyes the tears of his laughter.

"So why don't you take it off?" Marlene asked, soundly perplexed by the old man's reaction but more relaxed now that she had been in days.

"Because, if I do this…" And he leaned to the side, hiding his wrinkled face from view, and then resurfacing, wearing a round red nose, over his real one. Marlene almost smiled.

"See! I'm a much more convincing clown with my coat on!" He said smiling, and Marlene even gave the hint of smiling back.

"Now… why don't you tell me something: Are you ticklish?" He asked and Marlene's eyes widened, like they did when she was anticipating something fun.

"Yes! Very. And if you tickle me I'm going to scream!" She said with a wide smile that wasn't entirely innocent. She wanted a good fight… she missed Charles and Henry too much already. The healer smiled back at her.

"Well… let me see. I think I'm going to try your feet first…" He lifted the blanket and took one of the tiny feel in his hand. He looked back up at Marlene's face, his eyes sharp now, but his face still looking merry enough to fool a child – even one as observant as Marlene.

"Can you feel my hand?" the old man asked as he tinkled her foot a little, making . Marlene squirm her face, biting her lip in trying to keep her giggle to herself and failing. The healer smiled, pleased.

"Good, good. That is very good news. Now Marlene, you are a smart little girl, so I want you to listen carefully." Marlene blinked and focused her eyes on the healers face, intent and unwavering. "I am going to help you get better, but to do that I need you to trust me a little… and not throw you lunch at me. Can you do that?"

Marlene looked at the man suspiciously for a few moments. "I don't know… Are you going to use needles on me?"

The old healer breathed deep, as if relieved, smiled and then he put on a gravely solemn face, as if he was making the promise of a lifetime. "I solemnly swear that I shall not poke you with needles." He said seriously.

"Alright then." Marlene said, thought her mother could see that she was a bit frightened and was trying o hide it behind a frown. Celestia had to admit, she was scared as well.

It was one hour later that the old healer took the parents out in the hall, to explain them their daughter's condition. As soon as he closed the door behind him and was invisible to Marlene, he dropped is cheerful face and the change alarmed Celestia.

"The situation is much better than I had hoped. The current paralysis of her legs is temporary, caused by the fact that her muscles have not been working for a while. With some physical therapy, she should be walking in no time. Her verbal and logical skills seem unaffected. Overall, her physical condition is good and improving, which is - I must admit - almost a miracle in itself." Celestia took a deep breath and she felt her chest expand effortlessly, which was such a new thing. She almost laughed at the relief.

However, when she looked up to share her joy with Marcus, his face was still as hard as set in stone, making her happiness bleed out.

"What is it?" She asked looking from her husband to the healer, who took a breath before answering her.

"We don't know yet, madam. From the general tests she seems healthy, but I'm a bit perplexed by some of the neurological screenings."

"And what does that mean, in plain English?" Marcus asked, harshly.

"I'm afraid I couldn't say."

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" Marcus almost hissed between his teeth and Celestia had to find his hand and hold it tightly between her own in hopes of remembering him to stay calm. The old healer seemed unaffected by Marcus's tone however. He must have dealt with millions of angry parents; he knew how to handle them by now, even the scary ones.

"I cannot say, because I don't know Marcus. We will run more tests, find out which areas of her brain have been affected and how. Five weeks in a comatose state is a long time and Marlene's level of unresponsiveness was very high, so this was to be expected. _However_…" The Healer added strongly. "I am positive. Her organism is uncharacteristically strong. In fact… I'd say I have never seen a body fight so obstinately against a condition and gain such good results so fast."

"In truth I do not see anything in Marlene test screenings to make me nervous. Regaining complete body function from comas deep as the one your daughter was in is a long and difficult process, but Marlene is doing beautifully." The old medic was smiling a little and Celestia couldn't help but smile as well. His confidence in her daughter's recovery seemed strong and she needed to trust that. if she couldn't trust it then she was certain she would float away with worry and she couldn't allow anything like that to happen. She had to be strong.

However, reality had to be faced: there was something wrong with Marlene's head. The notion frightened her. There was very little that medicine today knew about the brain and its conditions. When it came to its disease or malfunctions, Healer couldn't live up to their name. They were once again simple doctors, because they couldn't heal anymore, the most they could do was fight the symptoms.

"What exactly is it that is wrong with her?" Marcus asked. It seemed like the frown on his face was never going to ease off. The question made the healer clear his throat.

"We have had some unusual neurological test results. The screenings show either uncharacteristically high activity in her brain, or dangerously low ones. Either way, it can be dangerous."

Celestia's heartbeat doubled.

"Be specific Frank, what does that mean? And in what way is that dangerous?" Marcus boomed and Celestia held on to his hand even more tightly.

"Darling, please try to keep calm." Celeste's breathy voice on the edge of panic kept Marcus steady more than the thought of giving a scene at Mungos. He didn't give a rat's ass about appearances. He could buy Mungos if he had to and then demolish it to pieces, should he wish it. He wanted to know what the fuck was wrong with his only little girl and he would have an answer, be it the last thing he did!

"There are two problems that Marlene seems to have and we don't know yet how or even if they are correlated. She has a slight chemical imbalance in her brain, which may or may not be hormonal – that I will know in a few hours once the tests were ran this morning come back to me. This imbalance causes a yet undefined anomaly the areas of her brain which control her magical abilities… which is why things have been exploding around her whenever she is too emotional."

"Marlene has always displayed very strong magical talent. Those incidents around her are common." Celestia said, as if she was trying to explain this away. But even as she spoke, she knew better: Marlene's unintentional magic had never been so coarse or violent. At first Celestia had thought that it was because of her fear and anger that her magic was so aggressive… but now…

"Yes, but if before she could make things happen just by wanting them to, as most children do, now she seems to have no control over her powers whatsoever. And her episodes are more and more violent, so I would suggest high caution round her for the times being." The old healer pointed out.

"And the other problem?" Marcus said, his voice almost severe. His decisiveness for changing the topic of the conversation couldn't have been plainer if he had voiced it.

"The other anomaly has to do directly with the her cognitive senses: her ability to take in new information and process it… In plain terms it would mean a difficulty in distinguishing between what is real and what is not. _But_," The healer hurried in adding, not wanting to alarm the parents. "…this is not Marlene's case! At most, she is going to have light disorientations or hallucinations, until her brain can find balance again."

"My hypothesis is that the chemical imbalance she suffers now derives from the very high fever she had during the first days of her illness." It had been a wonder for him to seen that little girl survive her condition actually.

When Marlene had first been brought in, he had had no hopes for her at all. No potions had any improving effect on her and her fever rose so high that they couldn't even give her any more medicines: they had immerged her in freezing water and kept her there for hours. Instead of dying, as every healer on the floor had anticipated – she fell into a coma. Her body retreated into itself… and healed. Marlene McKinnon had truly ben a miracle case.

But…"That stage of her illness may have affected her in ways we still don't know of yet."

"Can you control it?" Marcus asked suddenly. The healer sighed, and pushed his glasses up on his nose.

"If this imbalance is isolated – meaning if this is the only long term lasting effect we find – then I should be able to treat this as any other virus: isolate it and create a potion specific to counteract its effects. But I am not sure how much damage has been done. We still have…"

"To run more tests, I know." Marcus interrupted absentmindedly. The healer nodded.

"Precisely."

Celestia nodded absentmindedly. Her brain was already retreating into the room with Marlene. She almost didn't hear her husband speak.

"Is it possible of us to take her home?"

"That would be a certain possibility, as long as you can provide for the physical therapy."

"When can we take her?" there was the kind of definitiveness in Marcus's voice that Celestia did not like.

"As soon as the tests are finished." The Healer replied shortly. "I will make house calls in case you decide to move her. In truth, I do not see this as a bad idea. Marlene would benefit from going back to a familiar environment."

"Good. Thank you, Frank, for everything. And… forgive my impatience."

"You're most welcome Marcus, and there is no need for apologizing. Please do give my deepest regards to your father. Madame." The healer made a little bow of the head in her direction, which Celestia returned almost numbingly.

Once the healer was out of hearing range, she spoke.

"Marcus, I am not certain that taking her away from the hospital is a good thing. She might need caretaking that we might not be able to provide her with. I… I am afraid for her Marcus." Her husband turned to look at her in the eyes and she saw that look that he got, when he was thinking three steps ahead of the present action.

"So am I. Which is why I don't want my only daughter locked up in the fifth floor of Mungos forever. We can provide any kind of therapy she will need. I will set up a private hospital for her if I have to, but she is not staying here a moment longer than she absolutely needs to."


	15. Chapter 14 - White noise

**Chapter 14 – **_White noise_

_Memories of my early childhood are a blur of wallpaper and stories that don't belong to me. I don't remember the time when I was like my siblings and parents, but I have seen many pictures that have pressed those moments into existence. Now when I see myself so incapacitated in magic, it's hard to believe that the three year old girl with black ringlets that could fly without a wand or a broom is really me. The only real memory I have of myself is as I am now (and as I will always me): magicless. _

_I could say that my broken and perverse personality is a result of my suffering in a family that always kept me apart because I was different… but I can't, because it would be the greatest lie I'd ever tell. My parents never slighted me, never did anything but dote on me. They never told me I was lesser than any of them. They went out of their way to always keep me satisfied and conceded on my every whim actually. _

_But, though my being unlike my siblings didn't diminish their love, it made me stand out none the less. _

_Mentioning that in our house was taboo, but I needed voice it. I felt it: I was always to be kept inside and under no circumstances to be left without a guardian. I didn't leave the house for years after my parents brought me back from the hospital._

_For the longest time, I thought they were ashamed of me because I could not use a wand. But it was not meant to be as simple as that._

The day had started like one should start in early summer: with a sky so bright it looked almost like a blue-painted glass against the sun. It was all especially delightful in the country. Hills of green, fields with colorful flowers and a big white mansion surrounded by gardens so beautiful it was almost as if they were a miracle. The fountains all around were like something out of a dream, the white marble statues gracefully leaning off, so beautiful that Michelangelo himself would have been jealous of their grace. The mansion was big enough to house royalty, though not as imposing in its three floors and high windows.

It was a friendly, homely construction, with beautiful climbing plants crawling their way up the wall, the deep green of their leafs decorated with little pretty white flowers, like stars brightening the night.

As one would look upon this small Eden, one could not think of anything but peace and quiet. A perfect place for life to flow free and unbound as the life that flowered around it.

But all this beauty had a different dimension for that little girl with corvine locks that had had pressed her little hand against the glass and was looking out with the kind of longing that would accumulate after a hundred years of wait. She was sitting on the window sill, hidden behind the curtains, her forehead resting against the panel of glass, her eyes eating up the life outside, so close… and yet completely unreachable.

Had she known the myth of the king Tantalus condemned in Hades by the gods of Olympus, she would have found it very alike to her own condition. The king had dared to try and deceive the gods,so he was banished in the underworld, tied to an apple tree throughout eternity: the delicious fruits within the reach of his bite, but forever hungry. Crystal water within the reach of his scorched lips, but forever parched.

The girl had no knowledge of this myth but if she'd known it, she would rebel even more. She had defied no gods. She was living and that was it. Was there defiance in that? Maybe if she took some care in finding the resemblance between herself and the Tantalus, then she would ask herself: what had she done? What was she being punished for? Who had she offended by breathing this air? Because if the gods were punishing her, then they should know, she had done nothing but breathe air and stay alive for all these years… because very little else was allowed. Was there insolence in her breathing? Should she maybe stop? Maybe she should have a long time ago, and now she was being punished for defying death…

These could have been the thoughts going through her head,if she'd read the volumes about the Greek mythology in her father'slibrary. But she hadn't gotten to them yet. Instead, in that moment the nine years old Marlene McKinnon was watching her brothers and their friends play outside in the gardens and was filled with deep irritation for her mother.

Why did she not let her play outside? She had the right to feel the sun, the wind … and the rain and snow too if she wanted. How she wished she could touch the real snow and make a true snowman! Why did her father allow this? Why did he not say something when she pleaded allowance to go outside?

How she _hated_ them! Yes, the both of them… and her brothers too! Just because she couldn't make sparkles with a stick she was not allowed to have fun? Were they so much ashamed of her that she was to be kept locked inside these walls forever? Well, she would not have that anymore. Marlene would do as she pleased and there would be no other way about it. Let them ground her if they wish! Nothing could be worse than this!

So Marlene grabbed her cloak and her hat, gloves and a thick scarf. She knew that the least she could do was be well covered, even if it wasn't that cold outside. Mother was obsessed when it came to her clothing and being warm enough.

Marlene ran down the stairs and tried to open the door. It was difficult, because the heavy doors were a little too much for her. But even though she had never sneakedout before, Marlene was smart enough to know that it would not be wise to call for Miss Medlock – her current nanny - to open the door for her.

When the door finally opened a little andMarlene slithered herself out like a cat and ran as fast as her small legs would take her. She ran in the middle of the well-arranged garden and stood there as the sun warmed her face. She breathed deep and spun around herself laughing.

She had never been out in the sun before, not in the garden at last. Maybe it wasn't that different from the sun she felt on her face from inside the French doors of the mansion, but it was the world of difference to her. Fresh air, sunny air was hard to come by for Marlene. Her mother didn't even like it when she opened the window, so Marlene had rarely before really breathed the air and taste the different smells in it in the daylight.

She had sneaked out in the middle of the night however, climbed on the roof and counted the stars. Marlene had a feeling that was a little bit worse than doing so in the middle of the day… but either way, it was prohibited just the same.

Marlene heard laughter and turned around wearing a silly grin that was starting to make her cheeks hurt.

"Charlie! Henry! Over here!" She ran over to them, with a big smile on her face. As soon as they saw her, the two boys stopped. Charles, being the oldest in his 17 years of age, knew well the reason why his little sister was never to leave the house. Their parents forbid it but most importantly, if their mother found out she would have a cardio-vasectomy on the spot.

Marlene stopped in her tracks and the smile melted on her face when she saw her big brother's anger. Even Henry seemed to be more surprised than pleased.

"What are you doing?" Charles demanded as he stood up from where he had been sitting with his two friends and got closer to her. Marlene crossed her arms and frowned at his tone. Charles looked so much like their father when he was angry. And he was so tall that he seemed like a giant to her. Her head barely made it to his hip.

"What do you care?" She spat out and ran away from them. Charles thought about letting her go wherever she pleased, but then he thought of his mother and with a sigh he ran after her. It wasn't very hard for him to spot her, she was wearing a red cloak. In the middle of all that green she stood out like a sore thumb.

"Marlene don't run!" He yelled. If she ran, she would sweat and then she would get a cold, and then mother wouldn't let him hear the end of it. In a few more seconds he grabbed her arm and picked her up in mid-run. She squealed and squirmed like a fish out of water.

"Let me go, let me go!"

"No! I'm taking you inside!"

"I don't _want_ to go inside!"

"Too damn bad, cause you're going."

"Put me down you big ape! _ .Down_!"

But her protests fell on a deaf ear as her brother dragged her by the arm all the way to the front door, ignoring her sobs, please and threats. When she started to swear at him though, he stopped and turned around to take a look at her.

"Where the bloody hell did you learn to talk like that?" He asked, a hint of panic shining thought his voice, no matter how much he tried to mask it with anger. Through her tears, Marlene glared at him. He had seen her grumpy before, angry too and she had even tried to stare him down a few times. But she had never quite managed glaring until now. Suddenly her ebony ringlets, celestial eyes and china-doll cheeks didn't make her look so innocent anymore.

"Where do you think, brother? You and Henry should bring your friends over more often, it very educational." She saw his lips thin and tried to break free from his grip, but his big hand was like a vice on her stick-like arm. He gave her a violent tug and almost ran inside the house, literally dragging her now, her feet hardly touching the ground at all. His mother was climbing down from her room, and froze in midstep as she saw the pair enter from the front door.

"What is the meaning of this?" She asked in a whisper, her eyes wide in shock. Charles coiled at the sight of her expression. Avoiding that look on her face was the reason why he had dragged his little sister inside without many ceremonies. But in that moment, that concern and fear in her eyes hurt him deeply.

"Mother, please don't…" What he intended to say to her was interrupted, because Marlene started another one of her outbursts.

"Let me go already! You're hurting me!" She sobbed again, hating herself for being so small and weak, completely unable to free herself. Hating Charles and everyone else for taking advantage of this. Her mother ran to her.

"Darling, you're horribly flushed! Stop crying, you will get a fever!" Charles let his sister go as their mother's arms wrapped around her.

He knew that it was unreasonable, but sometimes he downright hated the little brat. When she was around it was like nothing else existed for his parents. The way they worried about her was insane, especially mother. And the way that spoiled selfish changeling was completely ungrateful for all this drove him up the fucking wall! It seemed as if the more their parents were nice to her, the more insolent she got towards them.

"Stop fretting over me! I am not incapacitated and I refuse to be treated as such!" Marlene backed away from her mother's grip, tears still flowing, harder than ever.

"Darling…"

"I am _not_ your darling and I shall not be kept prisoner in my own home! I should be allowed to go outside the house too!" Marlene's tears had stopped, their only sign being the stains on her face. Charles noticed how his mother's back stiffened.

"I am just as good as the rest of you, and I will prove it!"

All Charles could do was watch her sister as she ran up the stairs and then watch as his mother hid her face in her hands. He didn't know what to make of his sister's words. To cast them aside as the words of a spoiled brat… or, for the first time, to start paying attention to what the kid said and try to understand her. It stuck him as odd that he was trying to understand the workings of the mind of a nine year old.

A nine year old that had everything didn't lash out like that, using those kind of words. Ideas like the ones his baby sister seemed to have didn't just spout for no reason inside her head.

_I am just as good as the rest of you _

Which meant she thought that they – her own family - thought she was not.

Which was impossibly fucked up…

oOoOoOoOo

"Papa, do you have a moment?" The little body of his little girl seemed so small and breakable as she stood by the huge mahogany door.

"I do have a moment for you." He watched her closely as her small hands pushed the door closed with difficulty and the way her doll like curls bounced around her shoulders as she walked to him. She was too small for her age. She had her mother's eyes clear eyes, like the sky on a beautiful spring morning… Sitting on the big chair in front of his desk was a little troublesome, but she managed to do it gracefully.

He knew his own child well. Marlene was the incarnation of determination and willpower and the most nerve-gritting stubbornness. When she wanted to do something, there was little that could stand in her way. Yet this time, she had a strange look in her eyes, a frown in her tiny forehead that was different from any other times and the doubt made him frown as he prepared to listen attentively at what she wanted now.

"I want to know whether or not I am able to follow Hogwarts."

Her tone was business like. She was imitating him to a tee. His thick eyebrows rose in surprise, but his daughter seemed to sense his confusion.

"I am very well aware that I am not like everyone else in this family." Her tiny porcelain hand rose to stop him from speaking as he opened his mouth and what stopped him was not the gesture itself as much as the fact that she imitated him to perfection, down to the look in her eyes.

By god, had he been so obvious? It was clearly him she was imitating. Where else could she learn to look like that? Such a decisive manner in the body of a doll like hers was unnatural… Even though, as a parent, it frightened him more than a bit, he didn't utter a word of interruption, mostly because her blunt declaration of her being the 'different one' in the family knocked the wind out of him.

"Please don't try to deny it, I am neither blind nor stupid. And I choose not to be a child anymore either. I know I am not a squib and I couldn't find it in any book I researched, if those unable to normally perform magic are allowed in the castle."

He didn't not ask where she had learned what a research was, or how could she have performed one. He didn't even ask how she was able to speak in that manner. This in front of him was not his dolly little girl. Something had changed in her, and the mirror of it were her eyes, so glassy and controlled of all emotions. He had to live to this day to see a nine year old have such a poker face. The parent in him wondered what had he done wrong, to make his own child feel out of place in her own home, in her family.

The McKinnon in him couldn't help but be proud of her.

"Do you wish to go to that school, Marly?"

"Yes, very much." He felt the way her gaze pierced him, hold him, and he knew that she had made up her mind. However, he could not help the scream in his head… she was just a little girl – his little girl, what did she know about anything but games? And she was sick, she was fragile and…

His breathing hitched, and in that precise moment, he understand when his mistake had been: he had done too much. He had tried to protected her, and he had succeeded in doing his duty as a father… but Marlene was not going to simply sit back and take it. Her character would never allow such a thing and Marcuse had feared that for quite some time now. He had not known however that this day would come so soon…

Marcus took his pen and a little piece of parchment and gave it to her after writing something in it fast.

"If going to Hogwarts is what you wish, than this is the man you should make your inquiries to." She took the parchment in her small hand without hesitation or doubt in fierce eyes.

"Thank you, papa." She stared at the paper for a little while before she began talking again.

"I also want to get stronger. I refuse to be kept inside the house against my will any longer. My health is fine and it will get better if you all stop treating me as if I could die at any moment." Marlene was really trying to be as dethatched as she had seen her father be with his business associates, but her anger still turned up its ugly head. By the look on her father's face, he wasn't very keen on what she had just '_demanded'_.

"Because of your delicate condition, your mother and I have never denied you anything. But this does not give you the place to start making demands on my table – especially not of that kind - first of, because you are my child and as such, you are under my protection as I see fit. Second, because you have no idea what you are asking for." Her father's voice was strong and harsh. It brought her down a bit but she was not wavering. She was going to fight for herself.

"Right now, your just playing dress ups, my darling. Doing to school is one thing, but refusing treatment and showing disrespect towards the people that love you, your family, is another." Marlene glanced down on her clasped hands in her lap and fidgeted, biting her lip. She didn't know what to say. What would an adult say in her situation? Probably an adult wouldn't even be in this situation. But she wasn't grown up, so she had to figure it out before she lost the little ground she had gained.

"I didn't mean to be disrespectful…"

"Then you should have saved this conversation for when your mother was also present. She will be hurt to know that you didn't."

"… but I think that you were the first ones to be disrespectful… towards me." At this she looked up in the eyes of her father, anger taking hold of her giving her courage and confidence that she didn't necessarily have. "Especially mother."

"I am your daughter as much as Charles and Henry are your sons. I am to be treated the same as them, for their sakes as well as mine. It's not fair to us the way you treat me as if the slightest blow of wind would break me." Her chin began to tremble and her voice faltered.

"I feel like don't belong here, but this is everything I know. How is that possible? Someone made a mistake somewhere. Was it me?" By this time, her tars were riding in big rivulets down her cheeks and she couldn't stop the sobs.

She saw her father get up from his chair and before she could make sense of it she was in his warm embrace, so familiar.

"You are all so strong and I am so weak. I want to be strong too! Why is that wrong? Why won't you let me?" her father rubbed soothing circles on her back as she cried.

"That's ok. We'll take this one step at a time. It's going to be ok."

oOoOoOoOo

_Dear Miss McKinnon_

_I am not at all disturbed by your inquiry. On the contrary, I am glad that you decided to direct your questions to me instead of where you might get the incorrect answers. _

_I am pleased in informing you that your name was registered in books of Hogwarts School of Wizardry the very day you were born. The decision of whether to follow this school or not lies in your hands only. I am aware of your condition, which as unique as it indeed may be, does not in any way hinder the prospects of you receiving a magical education by our school._

_I shall take the liberty to add here something I have learned in life, seeing that giving unwanted advice is a requirement to being an old man: No matter what the situation, its outcome depends on our perspective of it. What we are born into or wedged with does not matter as much as what we choose to do with it. That choice gives us the power to change, to determine our lives, and live those lives the way we wish to live them._

_Whichever your belief, it does not stand in the way of your education. I wish you all the best and hope to see you in the first of September of your eleventh year._

_Sincerely, your friend_  
_Albus Dumbledore_

oOoOoOoOo

Marlene had never seen so many people in such a small place… well, except for Diagon Alley. Everything was so loud and fast. As she watched around, she knew that this was what life was supposed to be. It was supposed to be lived, and not gazed upon. In knowing that deep within her, she smiled happily, glad that she was where she had chosen to be. She was thirteen years old and not eleven as she was supposed to be – as all those that were stepping on Hogwarts Express for the first time were - but that was ok. It had taken four hard years for her to be self-confident enough to say that she could handle life at Hogwarts. Life in a place where she was the lowest link in the food-chain…

Nevertheless, nobody but her would know that, and she intended to keep it that way no matter what. Besides, she had made significant progress with her magical skills and though it all came with a price for her, it was a price she was willing to pay.

"Marlene…" She turned around at the sound of her mother's voice. She had a strange look on her face, as if she was in pain.

"Mother, I will be all right. Everything is different now."

_I am different._

"I know, I know. I love you my dear." Her mother's voice was quiet and her face serious, and suddenly, she looked more like a mother than an older sister, her years showing on her face in making her look like a different person and so vulnerable that Marlene shuddered. In times like these, Marlene found her mother even more fragile than she herself had once been. The way her raven hair framed her pale face, a face that was so much like her own… looking into her eyes was like looking into a mirror. She put her arms around her mother's neck and felt herself being lifted off the ground and smelling in the warm scent that was so familiar.

"I know you love me mama. I love you too." She felt her feet find the ground again and it was her father's turn to hug her. In the mean time, Henry grew more and more impatient.

"We are going to miss the train!" he said, huffing.

"Do calm yourself Henry."

Marlene heard her brother's heavy sigh. "Yes mother."

"And don't forget…"

"…to watch over Marly, I remember mother." Marlene rolled her eyes as Henry leaned in to kiss their mother's cheek. He was taller than she was now, almost as tall as their father.

"He will not have time to babysit me mother; he needs to study for his NEWTs. Besides…"

"Besides, she does not need much protection any longer, don't you?" At the familiar voice Marlene instantly turned with a big smile on her face and her other brother, the oldest of the trio, scooped her up before she could even see him. Even though she had grown over the last years, he could still handle her like a little doll.

"You are almost late!" She said and Charles chuckled low. He had changed much in the last years too. If before he had only looked like a man, now he really was one.21 years old was a nice place to be, Marlene thought as she looked at her brother.

"Remember what I told you." Charlie said as he stared at her with deep hazel eyes that so much resembled their fathers. She nodded once, determined.

"When I come home for Christmas, I want you to teach me about knifes." Marlene demanded and her eyes sparkled in excitement.

Charles sighed wearily. "We already talked about this Marlene."

"Yes. And the way I remember it, you promised to teach me." Marlene insisted.

"I did no such thing. I said you were going to have to earn that privilege."

Marlene smirked at her brother "Don't I always?"


	16. Chapter 15 - Serendipity

**Chapter 15**_– Serendipity_

_"To those who loved this world and knew friendly company therein… this Reunion is for you." - Final fantasy_

_He drew a circle that shut me out  
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.  
But love and I had the wit to win:  
We drew a circle that took him in.  
- Edwin Markham_

"Hello there." The small girl said to the other, as she got closer. The brunette didn't respond, apparently very engrossed with her exercise. She was seated alone in a dark corner of the common room, holding her wand between her fingers and practicing a flick with it.

The redhead recognized the levitating spell immediately. She had been able to perform it quite easily when she had tried. The brunette on the other hand had a look of concentration on her face that seemed almost painful. Her proud brows were knitted and she nipped at her bottom lip in strain, so much that her whole lip was red and looking as if it was about to bleed.

"Your wand movement is all right, you know. Why don't you try saying the spell?"

"Do you mind? I'm trying to concentrate!" The other girl spat, glaring at Lily under the thick eyelashes. For a moment, Lily felt a little intimidated by the look on the wolfish eyes of the girl, but her indignation at her biting tone of the brunette was greater than any glare the girl could give.

Lily pursed her lips.

"What is your problem, I was just trying to help!" The redhead said, anger, hurt, humiliating mixing, coming off with as much of an aggressive tone as the other girls.

"Well, I don't want your help!" The brunette said curtly, glaring with her ice-cold eyes.

"Fine then! I'm leaving!"

"Thank you!"

The redhead almost stomped the ground with her tiny foot, but she held herself. She was not a child anymore, she was eleven now and she would act like it. So what if this girl was the rudest person on earth? It was her loss anyway!

Lily had thought that the reason why Marlene McKinnon was always alone was because people were unfair to her, because they talked a lot about her but never really said anything - like with Severus - but now she knew that Marlene McKinnon was simply too obnoxious to be around.

Apparently, for once rumors were true.

oOoOoOo

The silence in the Transfiguration class was only broken by the constant scrapping of pen against parchment. The last quiz before Christmas vacation always gave poor results. Students had their brains scattered everywhere but on books.

Looking around as she silently slid in between the corridor between seats Minerva McGonagall knew that this was one of the best and most difficult generations she had had in a while. Never had one class been this diverse and remarkable.

The Evans girl was her favorite. Such splendid talent boiled in her, practically leaped off her wand and she was excellent at controlling it, the best Minerva in many years. It instantly set her apart from the rest. The girl was born to be a witch, a great witch too. Furthermore, she had a quick brain lots of determination… not like the lazy brightness of Black and Potter for example. The undeniable intelligence of Severus Snape was most impressive and combined with his unrelenting thirst for knowledge and his seemingly unlimited imagination, it added up to something that promised to be interesting. There were the likes Abbot and Flinch, that always pushed themselves harder and never stopped trying.

But this year Minerva had in her class a most curious subject: Marlene McKinnon. Singularly intelligent and highly adaptable, with a truly magnificent comprehension of the theoretic workings of magic. She had a clear grasp of concepts that even sixth year students struggled with. Seeing her work through the most complex theorems was inspiring. One could almost say that her intellect was measurable only by genius standards…

But despite all this, the McKinnon child was barely able to perform the most elementary spells. Her actual magical skills varied from minimal to almost lacking.

Of course Albus had warned the entire staff of her coming and her particular condition, but none of them knew exactly _why_ the child was so incapacitated. They had only been told that she had suffered a terrible illness when very small and as a consequence, her ability to control her magic had been harmed. What truly irritated Minerva was the fact that she didn't know more about one of her own students. The child was in her house, Minerva was responsible for her and yet she knew nothing more than a vague account of what sounded like a serious medical condition.

But Marcus McKinnon had been very clear: his daughters medical files were in strict lockdown - this being a blatant interference in the school's inner workings, something Albus had never before allowed. But there were other things to consider.

Like the fact that Marcus McKinnon was one of the Hogwarts' most powerful administrators. That he was a McKinnon, which meant a lot more than one might first think. But most importantly, it was Minerva's opinion that Marlene's well-being seemed to depend on the secrecy of her condition – which was probably the only reason Albus had bended the rules. After all, he had done it for other students before Marlene, even though in different ways: Remus Lupin, with his keen and curious mind, was the most recent proof of this.

Minerva threw a glance at Marlene's test-sheet as she passed by and couldn't help a small inner smile. The girl was writing furiously and had used up all the space of the page. Minerva was sure that she would be giving her and _Excellent_ again, something which she very rarely did. But theory was not Marlene's problem. The real issue was how the practical side. That's where Marlene worked her hardest… without it ever being enough.

And the girl felt it. She knew she was different, Minerva had no doubt about that, and this difference was perceived as threatening. Which made Marlene defensive and hostile towards the other students. Minerva had not been happy to write this Marlene's monthly behavioral-review report, but it was the truth. This was problematic - especially because Marlene was creating a shady reputation among the other students that would not benefit her at all - but it was also something that nobody could help Marlene overcome.

She had to do that herself, and only if she wanted to.

OoOoOoOoO

She was sitting alone again, Lily noticed.

How unnatural the lonely figure seemed to the redhead – probably because Marlene was the only one that was on her own. She was seated on the sill of the large eastern window, cross-legged on a big pillow, reading a thick book that looked like it weighted more than the girl herself. It was difficult to miss her swollen eyes, even though they were half-hidden behind the thick, heavy dark hair that seemed like a curtain.

McKinnon's eyes were usually so impassive, but now, anyone could see that she was sad… so sad, like a little homeless puppy, Lilly thought. And then she remembered her last encounter with the girl…

_Maybe more like a homeless rabid tiger-puppy…_ She thought with a small smile

Again Lily wanted to go sit with her, and again she fought the urge to do it. Why was it that when it came to Marlene McKinnon, her instinct told her something and her head stopped her from doing it every time?

Lily knew that Marlene McKinnon was impossible to stand, loud, sometimes even foulmouthed. She was rude, absolutely tactless and uncaring for anyone's feelings. Lily had seen her act that way for months! She had no friends, nobody could be near her even if they wanted to, because mostly she told everyone to leave her alone. She sat alone at the Great Hall and during study hours, even in classes, if she wasn't forced to double up with someone.

Everything about Marlene McKinnon screamed antisocial: she simply pushed everyone away from her.

Within the first two weeks, Lily had heard people refer to her as 'the shrew'. She had heard some older boys call her even less appreciative names – which she found completely disgusting, but the way, no matter who they were directed to.

Still, even with everything that went on around Marlene McKinnon and all the things people said about her, Lily admired the girl for her determination and for her intelligence. Even with all the bad and wrong things about her, she wanted to befriend her, because to Lily, Marlene seemed so strangely helpless all the time and Lily couldn't help but wonder why.

Even in her simple, childish, slightly naïve mind, she could sense that there was something off about Marlene McKinnon. Why was she so mean? Why did she never ask for help or accept any, even thought Lily knew that she needed it? Why could she score higher than anyone in their year in a written test, but barely perform any spells?

Why did she always look so sad?

oOoOoOoOo

The silence in the study hall was filled with scratching sounds of pens against parchments and flipping pages, students opening their bags and ruffling through them, looking for some extra paper or ink. It was the kind of silence that isn't really silent, but never interrupted by the sound of human voice. Because nobody talked during study hours. If you did, Madame Pince would nail you a good one on the back of the head with one of the books that floated around the place. That woman was unbelievable; legend about her was that she had bat ears!

When Marlene entered, some of the students looked up, like they always did when they were waiting for someone or when they weren't really concentrating in what they were reading. But Marlene didn't look right or left, she just went straight ahead for the empty table at one corner - the only one that nobody was occupying - and sat down, bringing up her books, notes and all else she would need to get to work.

Marlene was always very meticulous when it came to setting up her workspace: she wanted all the books she would need to her immediate left, the extra roll of parchment to her right, ink and pens in front - a couple of inches away from the book she was reading so that she wouldn't risk spilling the ink accidentally - and her magical eraser and other helpful trinkets close so they could be easy to reach should she need them. Everything was organized in a certain way for a purpose. Nothing was left to chance or disorder.

Of course, as she studied she tended to mess up, but that was unimportant because by that time she would be so concentrated on her book she wouldn't care.

She had just opened her copy of Advanced Theory of Magic and started reading from where she had left off last time, when she heard steps coming near her. Multiple ones. She was very determinedly not looking up even as they came closer and closer.

"Look who we have here, the Banshee in the flesh." The words were audible enough for several people standing in the tables nearby to turn their heads and smirk in expectation. They knew that whenever Black and McKinnon were involved they didn't have to wait too long to see a good fight.

Marlene didn't even flinch, at least not visibly. But her hand was already at the small knife in the pocket of her skirt. She knew that she wasn't supposed to use it: she hadn't learned how yet. Charlie had been very clear on that: she wasn't supposed to use a knife to defend herself until she was proficient in doing so, or she would end up hurting herself. Besides – and most importantly - Dumbledore would expel her before she could even say _'sorry'_ if he knew she carried knifes around in school…

Marlene took her hand out of her pocket and put both on the table.

"Move over, McKinnon, this is our table."

The commanding tone made her sneer. Who did this besotted idiot think he was to talk to her like that? Her indignation boiled to the point of rage. His father kissed her father's ass as if it was made of gold and Sirius Black had the nerve to order her around?

Marlene took a deep breath to make sure that when she spoke, her voice would be steady and calm. She tried to remember how her father talked to his business associates when he was displeased with them – as if they were dirt beneath his shoes.

Then she looked up to see Black and of course Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew right on his sides. She fixed her eyes on Black, who held her gaze steadily - the defiance in that act alone. His disrespect irritated her even firther.

"I was here first Black, and I don't intend to move." Marlene said and almost couldn't believe how cold her voice sounded. She straightened in satisfaction, not bothering to keep it off her face, just to irritate him further.

"Look, this is the only four-place table left, but there are other free spots you can sit on since you're alone… can't you just sit somewhere else?" Lupin was trying to be polite about it, but it didn't change a thing. She was _sooo_ not moving – she'd already set all her things down - and besides, there was no way in hell that she would bend for Black and his friends just because they said so.

She couldn't do that on principle, it would be like letting him walk all over her.

"I cannot and most certainly shall not. Now leave, you're breaking my concentration." She went back to her reading, as if the boys weren't even there.

She knew that the best way to set them off, especially Black, was to ignore them. The four boys may not entirely realize it, but he was the driving force when it came to their constant butheads with her. Potter didn't like Marlene, but he didn't really care. Pettigrew was weary of her and would gladly keep off her. What Lupin thought was as always a mystery because his mouth seemed to serve him only for answering in class and eating, but not much else. It was Black that drove them when it came to Marlene.

"You will get up, or you will suffer the consequences, McKinnon. This is not your playground, your daddy can't play god around here." Black's hiss was so low that even Marlene barely heard, but in the big room it was suddenly so quiet that a it seemed nobody was breathing. There were no background noises, no pens scrapping on parchment. All had frozen, as if in a limbo moment. It was almost unreal.

Marlene looked up to look into Black's eyes, not to glare at him, but to smirk. There was a mocking glint to her eyes, her face lit in some kind of twisted triumph… because she knew how far the untruth of that statement stretched.

"Are you sure of that?" She said, not bothering to keep her voice down. She knew everyone heard. "Because if I remember correctly – and I do – last time I checked, your own house could have been my playground if I wanted it to…" She smirked wider at the way Black's face froze in a mask of indifference.

She twisted the blade in the wound. "Your mother seemed dreadfully keen on the idea, but that's not saying much since it's common knowledge what a disappointment you are to her."

Marlene had anticipated his reaction; she knew what he would do as clearly as if she had seen it in a crystal-ball. Her muscles were coiled and she ducked to the side before she realized it, so his jelly-face jinks didn't hit her at all, but it caught square in the face the second year that had been sitting at the table behind her.

Before Black could look around himself, Marlene tackled him to the ground and before he fell, she managed to snatch his wand away from him. He was flat on his back before he had realized what had happened.

"What the… Oh Merlin…" Potter was torn between helping Black off the ground, getting back at Marlene for putting him there, and helping the kid whose face was seemingly melting off his bones gorily, as if it was made of hot wax. It was a gruesome show with the boy crying and his incoherent screams for help. It was disgusting and even though it wasn't supposed to be painful, it was still a cruel jinks to throw at someone. Commotion was issuing fast and everyone was so busy trying to fix the damage that almost all of them forgot how it started.

"What spell did you use? Black, what was the spell?!" multiple people were asking.

"No, don't try to fix him, you could make it worse."

"Someone go call the nurse!"

It was quite unlucky that there wasn't anyone older than thirteen in there, Marlene thought, almost derisively as she watched the boy contort and cry on the ground with a coldness that had been uncharacteristic of her until that moment. All the students from fourth year up had classes still…

Marlene kept looking at the chaos indifferently, as if she was not in her own body, with crossed hands over her chest. She didn't feel a thing as she looked at the scene. That screeching, disgusting figure on the ground could very well have been her. In realizing that she also realized that she felt no pity whatsoever for that boy, which froze her at first, almost shocking her.

"Silence! Order! What is the meaning of this?!" Professor McGonagall was furious, her nostrils flaring like she was one step away from breathing fire. The noise from the study hall had reached the class where she was holding her lesson.

However, all of her anger melted right off her as she saw the boy on the floor. She stopped on the spot, inhaling sharply, her eyes widened almost as if she were afraid. And then she moved so fast that her movements were almost a blur. A stretchable bed appeared out of nowhere, materializing right under the boy, who was still bawling his eyes out, more afraid than in any real pain or danger. His eyes were hidden under peals of gross-looking flesh. The bed lifted and started navigating itself out of the hall, just as the running steps of someone were heard from the hall.

"What has happ… Oh, my goodness!" The nurses breath caught, but she bounced back in a second. "Oh, quick, quick, to the infirmary. He needs to be treated right away." The rest of her words were lost in the hurried sound of her footsteps.

Up until then the students had been quiet. There was a beat of silence and then the talk erupted as if everyone had started talking at the same time. They were looking around themselves to find Sirius Black and pin him with incredulous eyes.

Sirius didn't move to shy away from their stares. He stayed there, waiting for professor McGonagall to come in and demand to know what happened. He didn't even look around for Marlene. At that very moment, she was unimportant… though he couldn't help but wish that the spell had hit her instead.

Had he looked for her, had he tried to make eye contact, he would have found her right where she had been last, by the table she had been occupying, looking just as calm and un-distressed as everyone was agitated. Looking just as pleased as Sirius looked guilty. And had he met her icy eyes, he would have seen the satisfaction there. Because she was glad… so very glad that this had happened. She was almost happy in the midst of all the rumble.

Professor McGonagall came in silently like a shadow and the all the talking hushed just like it had started: in one motion all mouths seemed to shut. McGonagall seemed to be beyond furious: she was calm now and a little pale.

"I want the one responsible for casting that spell to come forth." She said, her voice tight like a cable string, echoing across the walls even thought she had not raised her voice at all. Without missing a beat Sirius Black started walking towards her and when she noticed this, her eyes fell on him so hard that they could have been hammers. Her stare turned cold, her eyes narrowed and her lips thinned.

"Mr. Black. I must admit I find myself… disappointed." Sirius gulped and looked down on the marble floor, for the first time in his life truly ashamed when hearing those words. Because he understood them fully and he knew that the feeling they carried was well earned this time. His eyes started stinging but he bit back the tears ferociously, blinking fast and trying to convince his throat to loosen.

"The matter will be taken in front of the Headmaster, of course, but since you are in my house the punishment is mine to give. Two hundred points will be taken from your house and you are to serve detention, every night including Saturdays, for the next three months."

"But professor, it wasn't his fault…"

"_Silence_!" This time McGonagall's voice rang in their ears like it had been magically enhanced and even Potter, who had been the only one with the courage to speak up for his friend, recoiled in frights when the anger in the professors voice hit him like a physical blow. He shut his mouth almost against his will. Marlene would have laughed, had she dared.

"Black, follow me." She said curtly and turned to walk away without waiting for him at all. Sirius of course followed, leaving behind a weary silence that just couldn't wait to be interrupted. People were looking at each other, and the moment that the professors steps stopped echoing off the walls, they broke the silence as if they had been liberated by a spell. But this time there was a mood in the whispers, and it could be felt.

"Did you see how he didn't even hesitate to come clean?"

"Oh please, that was the least he could do."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have had the guts to face McGonagall. Did you seen how she was looking at him?"

"I thought she was gonna hex him into the next century or something."

"Two hundred points! That a lot!"

"Were at the bottom of the race… I can't believe this!"

"Who cares about the points! What do you thing they will do to him?"

"Yeah, we can win those back, right. Three months of detention though…"

"It's not like he deserved it… I mean, he didn't mean to…"

"Yeah he did! He just got the wrong person."

"And that's too bad, isn't it?"

It seemed to Marlene that everyone in the room had reached this point of the conversation at the same time. She saw the heads turning towards her and the nasty looks she was getting. It was almost as if she had been the one to curse that kid… Marlene expected to be angry at them for this, but surprisingly, she wasn't. She was perfectly calm.

She was not sorry that she had not been victim of that hex, and this made all the difference.

"You! This is all your fault!" Potter hissed at her, though he still didn't dare speak above a whisper. McGonagall had left something ugly behind and the kids were still too wrapped in it to be too loud. They were all afraid that she would come back and this time she would really be spouting off flames and smoke like a dragon.

Marlene however felt that strange calmness wrap around her like a shield and protect her from the venom in Potter's voice and the cold glares she was getting from the others.

"How so? Did you see me throw that jinks?" she asked, almost as if she were joking with him. James was so taken aback by her tone that didn't know exactly what to say. The way she seemed to be so unaffected, that mocking note in her tone, increased his anger and her pleasure at his friend's trouble only added to his resentment.

"You're not gonna get away with this McKinnon, that's a promise." He hissed, looking at her as if his stare could hurt her, probably wishing with all his might that he could curse with his eyes alone.

"Leave her alone Potter."

Marlene turned to her right, surprised to see Lily Evans there, pinning James down with a hard look that Marlene didn't think the redhead was capable of. But Evans was looking every bit as determined to contradict Potter as she had been determined to be a pain in the ass a few nights ago. It didn't escape Marlene's attention that Lily was the only one standing by her side either. But instead of being happy that she had someone support, Marlene didn't like this at all.

She was too proud to ever accept anybody's pity.

Potter on the other hand seemed flabbergasted. "What?!"

"I said, leave her alone." Evans repeated just as firmly.

Potter's outrage couldn't get any higher. "I can't believe you're taking her side on this! She provoked him on purpose."

"So did you." Marlene said flatly.

"Exactly." Lily agreed as she nodded, as if to show that she was completely of the same opinion. James was about to say something, but he stopped himself. He fisted his hands and for a moment it looked as if he was going to have some kind of violent reaction, but he breathed deeply instead and when he spoke again, it was between gritted teeth.

"Give me back his wand." He said finally, in such a tone that didn't allow place for discussion. Marlene only smirked in his face though, as if daring him to get himself into trouble, wishing that he would succumb to the righteous desire to pick a fight with her… and end up exactly like Black.

"Oh, you mean this?" She said, toying with the stick, having half a mind to break it. She twirled it through her fingers fast, chuckling low and then before anyone could realize what she was doing, she threw it out the window. While everyone kept looking around for the place where it fell, Potter's eyes followed the trajectory of the wand quite closely. He saw it fall out the window as if it had been in slow motion. There was nothing he could have done to catch it.

"Why don't you be a good doggy and go get it, Sparky?" Marlene taunted. She saw his hand move, probably to get his wand out, but Lupin stopped him right on time. Lily too had moved, as if to come closer to her as well, as if to use her body to shield hers. Marlene was surprised by the movement, because she most surely hadn't expected something like that to ever happen with a stranger.

But just like Lupin, the other Gryffindors weren't so keen on seeing that piece of action either. They might be half-forgiving of Black because he had been such a chivalrous idiot, but they really didn't want to lose anymore points because of anyone's bad aim. That didn't keep them from being pissed at Marlene thought. Because all of them could see that in the long run, the fault had been hers.

But the strangeness of the situation, and what alienated most of the students there, was that Marlene was holding on to her 'wrongdoing' for dear life, enjoying the anger it caused as if it was the best thing that had happened to her. And it was exactly so because she felt so amazingly present, now for the first time than she had since the school year had started. It was a strange reaction to such a contorted situation. Marlene hadn't expected it, but she had to admit she liked the control she seemed to come out of making people angry. And it was ever greater because she was so calm… In that moment she understood something very important: you can never let anyone get under your skin. Once they do, it's so much easier for them to destroy you.

"Why did you do that?"

Marlene looked to her left, where the voice came from. Lily Evans was still by her side, looking at her as if she was reproaching her. Marlene raised an eyebrow.

"Because I felt like it." She answered coolly, not really paying attention to Evans. She was looking around for Potter but he had already left, almost disappearing in the crowd. She smiled a little at the thought of him going to recover that wand – just like the dog she had said he was.

"Well you shouldn't have. You just proved him right." Evans continued and in hearing her voice Marlene felt the sting of annoyance.

"You confuse me with someone who cares. And what the hell makes you thinkyou can tell me what I should and shouldn't do anyway?"Marlene asked icily, making Evans blink, obviously caught by surprise. Evans's stare hardened and she looked at Marlene the same way she had looked at Potter a moment ago: all business and coolness.

"I'm the only one who was on your side, in case you didn't notice."

"Oh, yeah? What do you want, flowers?" But despite her mocking tone, Evans didn't react the way Marlene expected her to. She didn't even breathe differently at the face of Marlene's insolence.

"You really should start telling friend from foe McKinnon. It would make your life easier. …If you want some homework company, I'll be in the library. I've found this great book by Philippe de Gorgon, about medieval transfiguration. You wouldn't believe the wandless magic they could do back then." Evans said simply before leaving Marlene without a second glance.

Marlene wanted to say something sharp and biting to make her angry and leave, but such tricks didn't seem to have much effect on Lily Evans. Then she'd started talking about books and medieval transfiguration and all Marlene could think of was _'What the hell is this girl talking about?_'

And what was that about telling friend from foe? Was there such a difference for someone like Marlene? Her father didn't think so. He trusted nobody except for his family and even then he didn't talk about his business a lot because he didn't want them to know too much.

'_Knowing things is what makes you a target'_ her father always said, '_and targets sooner or later get hit'_. And that usually tended to be sooner rather than later.

But as she saw Evans's hair disappear around the corner, Marlene was left blank. She didn't know what to think when it came to Lily Evans. The way she had stood up for her when everyone else was looking down at her was unexpected. The way she kept trying to talk to her was undecipherable for Marlene. And Evans was friends with Severus Snape of all people! The only friend of the universal outsider… just like Marlene.

What did this girl do, collect outcasts? Did she have a savior complex? Or did she really have nothing else to do with her time?

But as she picked up her bag and shoved her things inside, Marlene knew that she didn't really feel distain for Lily Evans: that redhead was one of the smartest people of their year. She was good with magic and always nailed every test-score in almost every subject. There were things to be learned from someone like that.

These were all very good reasons to go after her, Marlene thought, but she had to admit that she was curious too.

Because Evans was different from most people. She meddled into people's business, had a righteous streak that was bloody annoying and always felt like it was her duty to share her opinion with everyone else. Marlene sometimes wondered who this girl thought she was to act like she was god's gift to mankind and it was her duty to see that justice was done. Anyhow, all that was trivial. Because as far as Marlene was concerned, what made Lily Evans really stand out from the crowd was something else: that girl was probably the only person in the whole castle that didn't look at Marlene like she was a freak of nature.

Evans didn't judge – that was what made her different. And controversially, it also made her arrogant, but that was another matter.

Marlene caught up with Lily just as she was climbing the stairs.

"What book were you talking about?" she asked as she started walking side by side with the redhead.

Lily seemed surprised at first, but she recovered well. She was enthusiastic as she explained, mostly because she loved talking about the things she read.

"_'Transfiguration in the fourteenth century'_ There are these pictures inside, totally gross but you can see this woman turning a cat into a water goblet, and it's all in some kind of slow motion. It disgusting really, but very interesting and quite to the point. But we will learn that spell next year though."

"I bet McGonagall would be impressed if we mentioned it in the essay she gave us. It would fit perfectly in the part about the evolution of a spell through time."

Lily's smile was radiant. "That's exactly what I thought!" she said excitedly.

"You know, I've read a book once that had a spell that could turn make feathers erupt all over your skin and make you look like a bird. You could pick the colors yourself."

"Wow, that's got to be a fourth level transfiguration at least!"

Marlene nodded as they both kept climbing the stairs. "Yeah, the theory of the spell was difficult, but then the application was really easy. An old prankster wrote it, it was out of print fast… I could lend it to you if you promise to be careful with it."

"Really?" The dose of surprise in Evans' voice was high and very genuine. But then she smiled and it was real. "I'm careful with all my books, you wouldn't have to worry."

Marlene shrugged, seeming nonchalantly. "All right then, it's a deal."

The girls kept talking about how to make their transfiguration homework more original until they were almost at the doors for the library. But as they were about to get in, a voice called Marlene's name, making both girls stop and turn to see who had called.

Lily didn't recognize the boy at the end of the corridor – he was one of the upper year students, possibly a seventh year. But from the look on Marlene's face and the way her smiled melted off her face the moment she heard his voice, Lily guesses that she knew him. the boy was tall and lean, had black hair and dark eyes, the expression in his face was at the moment very unfriendly, almost severe. Lily had half a mind not to leave Marlene alone with him…

"What is it Henry?" Marlene said, with a completely calm manner. It was very strange to Lily how she could do that, be so exited one moment and switch back to utterly calm the next. It made Lily wonder that maybe Marlene faked either one or the other of those feelings.

"I need to talk to you… alone please." The boys said as his eyes sized Lily up in a second.

"Lily, this is my brother, Henry. Please excuse his rudeness, he is a 17 year old boy. Henry, Lily Evans. She is in my year." Marlene said as she looked from one to the other, speaking so formally that the redhead was a bit confused for a moment.

"Cut the bull Marly." The boy said harshly. But when he looked at Lily, his eyes were not so harsh, even though his tone and manner was still completely devoid of any real warmth. "Pleasure to meet you Lily Evans."

Lily managed a feeble smile in his direction.

"Give me a moment." She told Lily in hushed tone.

"You'll have to excuse her for the day, I'm afraid." Henry said coolly and this time Marlene didn't pear him.

"I think I can speak for myself Henry, thank you." she said, looking at the older boy in such a way that it made Lily doubt who was the most severe between the two. But Henry looked back at her with the same impassable expression, not even blinking at Marlene's hard tone.

"I'll wait for you in the library." Lily said calmly and left the two alone.

It was at least ten minutes later that Marlene came into the Library and sat at the two-places table that Lily had picked.

"Is everything ok?" Lily asked.

"No. I have to go to Dumbledore's office - I think I'll be a while. See you later Evans." Marlene turned to leave but Lily was right on her side, as surely as if Marlene had just invited her along.

"Where are you going?" There was the hint of alarm in Marlene's voice as well as palpable concern.

"I'm coming with you of course." Lily said and her tone was so light that one might think she was talking about the weather.

"Why?"

"Don't you know how trials work? You get to present witnesses in favor of your case." Lily kept walking and Marlene was so surprised – and not less suspicious – that she was frozen on the spot for a second.

"Dumbledore won't like the fact that you'll be there uninvited, you know." She said and Lily shrugged

"I'm sure he'll live."

"I'm not. He's not as young as he used to be. Maybe excitement isn't good for him." Marlene pointed out.

"Don't be rude." Lily said, a little offended that Marlene made fun of her idol like that. Then curiosity spiked and she turned to Marlene, puzzled. "How old _is_ he anyway?"

Marlene shrugged. "Blah, a hundred or so… who knows? Everyone who used to know is probably dead."

Without her permission, a chuckle escaped from Lily's lips.


	17. Chapter 16 - Knight in shining armour

**Chapter 16 **– _Knight in shining armor_

_Hogwarts is full of places that one should stray into. That makes the castle very interesting of course, full of mysteries, but never of the dangerous kind, at least according to popular belief. After all, Hogwarts is first and foremost a school, right? What was the scariest thing you could find in a school? At most, it would be books with dark magic. But nothing _really_ dangerous. Nothing that could make you bleed or hurt or drive you mad, for example… right?_

_No, actually that's wrong. There are _plenty_ of dangerous places at Hogwarts. So much that if one knew them all, one would wonder how is it possible that parents send their children there. It was almost the end of my first year when I found out one of them. I found the scariest of them, actually: the one there was no escape from._

_Sometimes I think that getting stuck in that place really did kill me - I just didn't die. Because someone saved me…_

_When I think about it, even now, I still whisper it to myself, as if it's some kind of prayer. As if I'm speaking a heresy. Because apart for my brother, nobody in that castle had any interest in doing me any good. According to people at Hogwarts, I wouldn't deserve such an act of kindness and selflessness. And they were right, I didn't._

_But she came back for me anyway. She saved me… so I loved her. _

Lily flipped the page of her new book and kept on reading.

_"Halloween has origins in the ancient Celtic festival known as Samhain. The ancient Celts believed that on October 31st, the boundary between the living and the deceased dissolved, and the dead become dangerous for the living. Magical activity during this night is particularly high, so much that strange phenomena has been known to happen…"_

She sighed and looked around again. Where was Marlene? She was supposed to meet in the common room hours ago. Lily was still there, seated on one of the tables as she went over her history of magic and Marlene was nowhere to be seen. It was almost past curfew now.

Lily knew that Marlene had a habit of disappearing every now and then, off doing her own business. They had been spending a lot of time together since that day in the study hall and the incident with Black and Potter, but still, Lily felt as if Marlene didn't entirely trust her. They talked and laughed and had a good time, but there was distance between them that could not be filled unless Marlene chose to close it. There was nothing Lily could do about that, no matter how much she liked Marlene as a person.

However, despite Marlene's highly volatile personality and friendship, one could always count on her to be on time for everything. Marlene hated being late almost as much as she hated when other people were late. Moreover, she would never be late for a study session, especially not when they were days away from the end-of–the-year exams. Lily knew that first hand: Marlene had been very concentrated the last could of weeks, studying almost eight to ten hours a day, most of the time with Lily and Severus.

But this wasn't the only reason why Lily was worried. She couldn't understand this weird feeling she had: It was as if she was supposed to be doing something important but she had forgotten what it was. And right now, after almost all afternoon had passed in waiting, she was sure that it had something to do with Marlene. She'd asked around for her, but she had known it was useless. Nobody ever knew where Marlene McKinnon went to - nobody cared.

"Mary, are you sure you haven't seen her?"

"Lily, please. I'm trying to concentrate and your interrupting me every five minutes is not helping."

Lily narrowed her eyes at her dorm-mate and snapped her book closed, startling Mary and Lydia that had been working at the same table.

"If any of you see her, tell her that I'm looking for her please." Lily said as she got up and gathered her things. She walked away with a decisive step, as if she wanted to break the stones she was walking on and almost threw Potter to the ground when she bumped into him at the portrait entrance. Lily apologized carelessly, not really looking at him, she was that distracted. She didn't even glance at Sirius as she went. The girls rolled their eyes and went back to their homework. A moment later, they were interrupted again.

"Hey there girls. Can we join you?" James asked with a smile.

Mary smiled back. "Hi James. Hello Sirius. Of course you can."

"Thanks." The boys took the two empty seats that were left.

"Did you finish your Transfiguration essay?" Mary asked as she moved her things away to make room for the boys.

"Yeah, wanna take a look?" James offered smiling and was already looking through his bag.

"Where was Evans going in such a hurry?" Sirius asked, his voice a little rough. He spoke as if he had a cold.

"Looking for McKinnon or something." Mary answered as she scanned James's essay. "Oh, I've totally forgotten to include reference to Goldenberg's experiments! Was that mandatory?" She looked up to find James and Sirius staring at her with wide eyes.

"What? I mean, where did you say Evans was going?" James asked, as if sure he had misunderstood.

"Looking for Marlene McKinnon. She hasn't been around all afternoon and Lily was worried, so she went to look for her."

"Oh… well, whatever." James said nervously. "No, Goldenberg's version was not mandatory but McGonagall has a weakness for him, so you better mention it." James said, as he opened his book.

Mary shrugged. "Ok, if you say so."

oOoOoOoOo

"Marlene!" Lily's voice echoed in the hallway like a ball bouncing off the walls and half the head that were there turned her way, but not the one she was looking for. She had thought that the black haired girl ahead had been Marlene but it was that what's-her-name Fairchild. Lily sighed and kept looking. Students that had just exited the Great Hall after having dinner didn't make this easy. Lily was looking through them, trying to see her friend among them but Marlene's face was nowhere to be found.

She asked Sir Nickolas if he had seen her, but the ghost said that he had not. She begged him to help look for her, but it was rather impossible for him to do so unfortunately, because the ghosts were having a small reunion in the dungeons. Lily had to bite her lip not to be rude at the undead knight. He didn't like Marlene, she always called him funny names because of his nearly decapitated head and Lily knew that this was the real reason the knight was not helping her in her search.

Just as Lily was about to start roaming the second floor for her friend, her eyes met with Severus's who was coming towards her and she had a brilliant idea. She did what Sev - or Marlene - would have done…

"I'm awfully sorry my dear, but this is a once in year congregation, I could not miss it…" Sir Nickolas said, not even trying to really fake his apology.

"Yes, I'm sure the previous engagement is very pressing Sir Nickolas, more so than finding a missing girl who may be in distress I'm sure." Lily said, seemingly offhandedly. "After all, ghosts aren't obligated to follow gentlemanly ways. Goodnight sir." Lily said with a smile and a neutral tone as she turned to leave. She was not sure at all that her rouse would work… but it did, better that she would have expected!

"Young lady. Miss Evans!"

"Yes Sir Nickolas." She said, her tone too innocent enough despite her impatience. Severus had in the mean time reached her and was standing by her side.

"In case I find her in the dungeons, I shall tell her that you are looking for her, shall I?" The ghost's face was shimmering a little more silvery than the rest of him and Lily knew that had he been alive, he would have been blushing.

"That would be very helpful sir, thank you." Lily said and the ghost started fluttering away.

"Who are you looking for?" Severus asked but before Lily could start answering him he gave himself an answer. "Is it Marlene?"

"Yes. Will you help me? It's since this afternoon that I haven't seen her and we were supposed to study together."

"You know she disappears sometimes. She's probably somewhere practicing her target skills." Severus said with a little smirk, but Lily huffed, utterly annoyed that nobody was taking her seriously.

"_No_! She would have told me not to wait for her. She would have told me that would wouldn't be coming. She _always_ does. And she wouldn't waste time now that exams are days away!" Lily was talking so fast and her gestures were getting frantic. She was giving in to the feelings of panic that had been nipping at her for a couple of hours.

"Lily, calm down. It's almost curfew anyway. Wherever Marlene is off to, she will have to get back." But even as he said it, he didn't really believe it – and from the look Lily threw him, she didn't believe him either. Marlene wasn't one to give much thought to curfews. If she was somewhere in the castle bruin some potion, there was no way she was getting back before she decided that the time was right. However, Lily's worry disturbed Severus, even though to him it was completely unfounded.

"Come on. We'll start from Potion Class, unused classrooms and bathrooms." Severus said and Lily nodded, chiding herself for not having thought of that first. They started walking towards the flights of stairs that would take them down into the parts of the castle that were underground and she was glad that she was with Severus. She would have come here alone if she had to. for Marlene she would have done it… she would have done it for anyone who needed it really, but that didn't mean she was any less afraid of this part of the castle. She hated the fact that there were no windows on the walls, that the light was always so dim. She hated darkness as much as she feared it.

"If we haven't found her by curfew and she isn't in the Common room, we tell to McGonagall." Severus said as they walked.

"That's what I thought of doing." Lily whispered.

oOOOoOoOo

It was one hour later and after they had searched all the places they could think of without finding Marlene, that Lily and Severus finally went to look in the Common room. Severus waited outside while Lily went in. If before he had been absolutely sure that Marlene was fine and hidden away somewhere over some cauldron or hunting the Dark Forest for rare herbs, now he was unsettled. Marlene was nowhere to be found and though there could be lots of reasons for it being that way, he was thinking of the worst.

In his mind he was listing all the people that would want to hurt her, but it was much easier to list the ones that wouldn't, it would save him time. Probably the only people that had no interests in harming her were him and Lily – though it was only very few that would have the nerve to do anything against her. Slytherins were too afraid to even look at her in the wrong way because of her family, which was the case with most of the others. In truth, even though Marlene was a Gryffindor, the greatest threat to her were the students of her own house… and Severus had a few specific ones in mind.

He had enough time to think about this because it was a good 15 minutes before Lily came out of the portrait hole and when she did, she was furious. Her wand was in her hand and it was throwing red sparkles. Severus was instantly on alert, Marlene completely emarginated from his thoughts.

"What the matter?" he asked.

"That Potter!" She said the word as if she was spitting it out. "That conceited, half-witted, good-for-nothing, _arse_!"

Severus could barely withhold his laugh at her string of insults. What had the git done now?

"I can't _believe_ his nerve! You know what he said to me when I said Marlene was missing? He said '_Hopefully forever'._" She distorted her face and voice to imitate Potter's and Severus chuckled. "It's not funny Severus… Everybody laughed." Lily said, obviously saddened by the fact and this time Severus didn't laugh. He didn't even smile.

It was true that Marlene wasn't miss popularity, but because of her headbuts with Black and Potter and ever since she had started hanging around with him, Gryffindors had started to treat her as if she was one of his house of not a griffin like them.

Severus himself hadn't liked her much either at first, but she couldn't earn his contempt because she was smart and an amazing potion maker; but most importantly, she hated Potter and Black with vehemence, so that was common ground enough to make them friends…

And ever since she had given him that Unicorn Horn powder for Christmas, he had started to regard her as a friend with more warmth than before. Because he knew that she had been attentive enough of him to listen when he had talked about his passion for potions and had been thoughtful enough to get him something that she knew he couldn't afford to buy for himself. If it had been someone less selfish than Marlene to do this, he would have been offended. In her case it didn't show pity, but respect – which was all right by him.

But his brain was working on something else in that moment. He turned to Lily just as they were about to enter professor McGonagall's office. He grabbed her hand as she was about to knock. "Lily… did Potter say anything else?"

She looked at him exasperated. "What else? What are you talking about?"

"Just think. What did he say _exactly_?" Lily's expression went from angry to desperate.

"Severus _please_. Let's just talk to McGonagall first ok." Severus let go of her hand and nodded. They knocked once, and then again the professor came and opened the door.

"What are you two… Miss Evans, Mister Snape, what is the meaning of this?"

"Professor, I think Marlene McKinnon is missing." Lily said fast and this caught McGonagall by surprise. The anger melted a little from her face, leaving suspicion behind. She made way for them to come in. A hot cup of tea was on her desk along with stacks of parchments, no doubt homework she had been valuating.

"And what makes you think so?" McGonagall asked, sitting behind her desk.

"We've looked in all the places we could think for her and she is nowhere to be found. I haven't seen her since we parted after the library closed today and we were supposed to meet in the common room to do some reading. But she didn't come and she wasn't at dinner either. And she's not in the Common Room now, we checked before we came here." Lily spoke all in one breath and she found herself breathing hard after she finished.

"Professor… Marlene never misses a meal, _ever_. She is like, obsessed with that." Lily added as if she was trying to send her point home.

"Yes, I have noticed." Professor McGonagall said and the more the conversation went on, the deeper her frown became.

"And despite everything, she would never leave me waiting for her all day, and she would never waste time when she could be studding. These exams are very important to her." Lily was trying her best to make the professor see the peculiarity of the situation, but outside her head, it all seemed just coincidences and her worry a fruit of her own imagination.

Professor McGonagall got up. "You should understand that your reasons for considering her missing are quite groundless." Lily opened her mouth to protest, but the professor stopped her by raising her hand. "However, a student is out of bed after curfew, and that shall not do. I will alert the portraits. Do not doubt, she will be found in no time… and unless Miss McKinnon has been kidnapped by flying Knouts, she will be in serious trouble. Now off to your dormitories immediately, before I change my mind and give you both detention for breaking curfew."

Lily winced, not because of the professors threat but at the thought that maybe Marlene was hidden somewhere for her own amusement and she had just gotten her into trouble. But then anger took over. Well, so what if she had gotten Marlene into trouble! She deserved it for making her worry like that!

Lily went out of the professor's office and headed right, along with Severus. They walked alongside each other and Lily knew that Severus was going to take her to the portrait. He always did every time they studied until late hours in the library, even thought his common room was literally at the other end of the castle. She was turning the corner of the corridor, but abruptly Severus caught her arm and dragged her behind an armor.

"Severus, what…"

"Shshshs!" He said, putting a finger in front of his lips and Lily stopped talking. "I was thinking before… What if Potter and Black did something to her? Marlene told me that they have been weird around her lately and you know what that means." He whispered and watched Lily's face go from confusion to deep thinking.

"You don't know that… and neither do I." Lily said shaking her head.

"Come on, who else would do anything to a McKinnon? Most people are too afraid to go anywhere near her!"

Lily frowned, but she could deny that there was truth to that. "Is this what you were taking about before when you wanted to know what he said?"

"Yes. Did Potter say anything that would seem like boasting… I mean more than the usual." Severus pointed out and Lily thought hard. He had only said that 'hopefully forever' but nothing else. There had been nothing not even from Black or… Peter…

_Peter_?

"Peter laughed." Lily said, looking at Severus as if she had just solved a puzzle. Severus frowned, confused. "He laughed _before_ James said anything."

"And Remus was looking very strange, as if he was… as if he was angry. He was staring at his book and he didn't even smile when everyone laughed." Lily was probably letting her imagination run away with her but now that she thought about it, Potter had given Black a strange smile before he spoke. And after what Marlene had done to them last week… Not that they didn't deserve detention for sneaking out after hours, but technically Marlene told on them to McGonagall. Who had been _furious_. And that wasn't the first time that Marlene got the Marauders into trouble…

Lily didn't know how, but whenever Marlene was involved with those boys, _they_ always got detention. And they got right back at her – it was like a vicious circle. They always played the stupidest pranks on her.

"Which was the last time you saw them?" Severus asked, very concentrated, but the calmer he got the more Lily seemed to lose her focus. Too many thoughts were in her head and she couldn't even sort them out anymore. Was this what panic felt like?

"Lily? Lily come on, focus." She felt Severus's hands come on her shoulders and rub in circular motions. It was calming. "Breath deep." Severus said in a breath voice, close to her face. She leaned her head in and her forehead came to rest on his. She measured her breath in time with his.

"Ok. I'm ok. I don't know what happened to me." She whispered, surprised as herself, not understanding what was wrong with her.

"You're fine now. Let's just take one thing at a time."

"I don't know what to think… Or where to look anymore. I can't go to the common room." Lily said, almost to the verge of tears. She felt so tired.

"Let's just think like Potter would think…" Severus said, more to himself than anything. "Where would you hide something that you don't want others to find." Severus whispered.

"Nothing can be hidden in Hogwarts. There are the portraits everywhere and the ghosts and…"

"So what's the one place that has neither?" Severus started pacing around his fingers on his temples as he thought and Lily was going back on every second of the day, every moment searching for something that could lead her into a detail that she had missed, something that could help her find…

"Severus… I never actually _saw_ Marlene leave the library. I mean…" She stopped. It was absurd. They had walked out together, but at the last moment Marlene had walked back because she had forgotten one of her books inside. She was looking for it in her bag but it wasn't there so Marlene had told Lily that they would see each other in the common room after Marlene was done with the meeting with Slughorn. It wouldn't take long, Marlene had said. Lily had waited for her a couple of minutes anyway, but then Mary had called her and she… Marlene probably could have gotten out later, but…

"There are no portraits in the most of the Library. There's just a couple at the entrance, the rest is covered in bookshelves." Severus said for a moment they both stared at each other as if time went still. Then it all happen in double speed, as if time was trying to catch up with itself. Lily started running and Severus followed, scared for her and not sparing a thought for Marlene, not really. But Lily was not just running fast, she was being loud as well, and Severus knew that they would be heard. There were prefects doing rounds very night and there would be professors around looking for Marlene as well. Lily and Severus were in front of the library doors and without a moment's hesitation as if that was what she had been thinking about all the time she was running, she pointed her wand at the doors.

"Alohomora!"

The lock cracked open and Lily burst in.

"Marlene!" She yelled and it echoed around so loudly that Severus winced.

"Lily, don't yell - listen." He whispered frantically, and Lily shut up, pinching her ears. The echo of her own voice was still resonation in the air, but there was nothing else. She stayed like that for a few moments, wishing for the faintest hint, the barest sound, anything to put her in the right direction, but she could hear nothing.

Not even a breath that wasn't hers or Severus's.

"Do you hear anything?" She asked him.

"Nothing." They were whispering again. "I don't know any reconnaissance spells." Severus added and his tone was apologetic. Lily gripped her wand more firmly.

"Let's look for her; you start that way, I'll start on the other side." Lily said pointing at two different directions.

"Look on the unlikely places. On the floor, up on the shelves, in cupboards."

Lily swallowed hard but nodded anyway. She reached the back of the room and she had found nothing still. She had looked in their hidden spot behind the shelves, in the arched window they always studied in, but nothing was found, not even a hint or clue that could help her. Severus was already waiting for her.

"I didn't find anything. We should look aga…" Lily stopped in midword, as if someone had kicked her behind the head. Severus straightened from the shelf he was leaning on and looked at her as if she had just shot light from her ears.

"Lily… You're not breathing." He said, coming towards her.

"Shshshshhh…" She said, halting him in his steps with a raised hand. "Listen." She breathed. He did, but heard nothing. Lily started edging towards the wall that separated the library from the Restricted Section. She put her ear against the door, but heard nothing. And then a beat passed and she heard a small thump. Another beat of silence, and then another thump.

_Thump… thump… thump…_

Slow and faint. Like a heartbeat. Like someone faintly banging their hand at the wall on the other side… Lily's own heartbeat picked up with every second. She looked at Severus and he was looking right back at her, his ear flat against the door.

"Do you hear that?" She asked barely whispering. He nodded.

"Marlene… are you in there?"

No response.

"Marlene… If you're in there, you need to move away from the door, ok? Marlene?" Lily closed her eyes as if taking strength from within herself and then moved herself a few steps from the door, keeping her arm out to keep Severus away.

"Move. Get away from there." Lily caught his sleeve and pulled him away, almost pushing him.

"Lily, what are you doing?" Severus asked and Lily could tell from his tone that he was alarmed.

"Just stay back." she said. There was not even a hint of doubt in her tone and that almost freaked Severus out. She was gripping her want in front of her and Severus really couldn't fathom what she was going to do with it.

"Lily… what are you doing?" He asked again, his voice raising, his panic with it.

"Alohamora can't open the door of the Restricted section." She murmured in between clenched teeth.

"Lily…"

"Just hush. I need to concentrate." She hissed. Then she waved her wand in a motion that Severus didn't recognize and only when she said the spell, he knew what she wanted to do, but by that time, it was too late.

"_Bombarda_!" She screamed, as if raising her voice would help performing a spell she had never performed before. But her yell didn't drown the massive explosion. The door came off and so did half the wall, but the thing was that the force of the explosion came their way and not the other – which was precisely what the spell was about - and both Lily and Severus flew off their feet from its force and landed a few feet from where they had been standing. The shards of the ruined wood and pieces of the wall came at them.

"Jesus…" Severus crawled to his feel and found Lily doing the same a few feet away.

"Are you ok? Are you all right?" He asked, frantically, looking at her trying to find any traces of blood.

"I'm ok." She said, but she was holding left her arm on a weird angle.

"You are insane. You're bloody mental." He said, his voice breathy, but she wasn't listening. She was already up on her feet and moving towards the blown door.

"Oh my… Oh my god. Sev!" Her voice broke and Severus knew she was she was crying. She started sobbing and he ran to her. She was kneeled over somebody and he didn't have to see it to know it was Marlene. She seemed fine, the explosion had not even left a mark on this side of the wall, she had no blood on her and all her limbs seemed in the right positions… unlike Lily, who was now sobbing hard, tears washing her face.

"Lils… Lily you have to go to in nursery. Your arm…"

"Go call someone, she isn't right." She said between sobs. She was kneeling beside Marlene, who was on her side her eyes wide open, her mouth open in a silent scream, the picture of fear painted on her face. Lily sobbed harder.

"Lily…"

"Go call someone, please."

"The whole school heard that explosion. They will be here in moments." He knelt down over her and put an arm around her shoulders eyeing her arm. It wasn't so bad as broken, but her wrist seemed sprained or something. He knew what a broken bone looked like, there was no mistaking it. Thankfully Lily's wasn't as bad, but he didn't dare try to mend it.

But that was not what most worried him, because as the silence fell again, deep and pressing, Severus heard something else. A sound distinct, separate from all the other sounds the night could make. It was alien, different from anything any of them had ever heard. His hand tightened on Lily's shoulder.

"Lily… there's somebody else in here."


	18. Chapter 17 - Breathing nightmare

**Chapter 17 – **_Breathing nightmare_

_Battle not with monsters  
lest ye become a monster  
and if you gaze into the abyss  
the abyss gazes into you. - Friedrich Nietzsche_

_When you are the maker of your own destruction, the pain it causes you is impossible to control. You can't keep it off you, you can't fight it, hide from it. The monsters that are born inside your head know your every fear, your every hideout. They are always one step ahead. _

_When you are the one that gives life to our own nightmares, there is no hope: they _will_ find you and you _will_ suffer. _

"Lily… there's somebody else here." He whispered, his fingers holding tightly to his wand. His hand was shaking and his heartbeat was frantic. Lily pulled her nose and looked up at him.

"What?" she whispered through tears.

"… Listen."

They both fell quiet and above the noise of their mingled, slightly heavy breath there was one more sound. A sound distinct, separate from all the other sounds the night could make. It was alien, different from anything any of them had ever heard. A slow moaning, as if someone was crying somewhere in the corner of the room. And the more time passed, the louder it became. It wasn't even one voice anymore, other added to it and the more they became the louder they got.

"It's a murmur… like a whisper." Lily breathed.

"It's not whispering… Its crying." Severus said as his heart shriveled at the sound. He found himself suddenly filling with despair as the murmurs and faint cries became louder and he wasn't able to tell if he was hearing them with his ears or if they were in his head… it all made him want to get as far away from that place as possible.

Because he knew that kind of wail. It was the sound of someone's suffering. He'd heard it before… it got under your skins and into your head and it could drive you mad with despair. It was contagious, like a disease.

"Sev?"

"Get up, we have to get away from here." He tried to pull her with him but she resisted.

"No. I'm not leaving her here like this." But Lily was shaking with fear too, despite the stubbornness in her voice. He clenched his jaw and stayed by her side, knowing now that there was nobody there, not really, but this didn't make the sounds less terrifying. He'd always known that the this section of the library was Restricted for a reason… now he knew why.

The crying and moaning seemed to come from all around them, as if the walls were making it. Lily hadn't even looked up, because the louder the moans got, the more Marlene whimpered, as if she was in pain as well… as if her pain had joined that hellish chorus. They didn't even have to concentrate to heart it now, not even the voices and sounds of steps from the library could drown it. The voice had started screaming, not too loudly yet, but Severus knew it would get louder.

"Severus…" Lily's whisper carried the tone of a helpless plea. Her eyes were wide and the terror in them was palpable as she stared at one of the corners of the library where the darkness was thickest.

"No, don't look at it!" Severus said as he put his hand over her eyes, turned his face away as well. He honestly didn't know how much good that would do to them, but he knew enough about dark arts to know that the fewer senses you connect with them the better it is.

"The was something moving down there." Lily whispered, her voice breaking.

"I know… Pick up her legs, I'll grab her arms and we'll move her away from here. Come on, we've got to get her out of the restricted section" Lily nodded and she did as Severus said, trying her hardest to ignore the desperate crying and the pleas for help that were now coming out of the very walls around them. What kind of magic was this?

They succeeded in moving Marlene away from the rumble but as Lily was getting out of the shadows of the Restricted section, she slipped and fell. Her yelp was nothing compared to the scream that tore from her throat when she felt something touch her foot and pull.

"Lily!"

Severus concentrated with all his might and when he screamed '_lumos'_ the tip of his wand shined brighter than it ever had before… but it was as if the darkness of the Restricted section was impenetrable. The screams got louder, to the point where they were almost one shriek in their ears. Lily crawled away and he took her hand. She raised her wand with her other hand as they both stood before Marlene like a living barrier. She watched with horror as the shadows between the rows of books moved and expanded as if they were alive.

"What is this?" Lily asked as she tried to breathe.

"I don't know…" Severus whispered back. He looked at the way the shadows crawled on the floor, dark and surreal, like something out of a nightmare, reaching out of the restricted section and stretching towards them slowly. It was as if the room had come to life… but then he noticed something else.

"Lily… It's not us. It's Marlene that is attracting them."

Lily looked at him with wide eyes. "What?"

"Look!"

Lily did. She looked behind herself at Marlene's body and was terrified to see how pale she looked, how empty her eyes were and how unnatural it was to have her lay there motionless… but something else caught her attention. It was strange how the shadow of Marlene's body on the floor was so dark. It was blacker than the inky night and… and it was moving, expanding…

"Don't touch her!" Severus said, stopping Lily from getting any closer. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her away, but Lily fought him off in fits of crying and tremors. She wanted to run away more than anything, go get the teachers, the headmasters. But every time she tried, Marlene's face was there, reminding Lily what real fear looks like.

"No! Let go of me." Lily ran to her friend, grabbed her hands and pulled, trying to pull her away from the darkness of that part of the room, but it seemed like Marlene's body heightened a ton and her hand hurt so bad that it was making her sick.

"Lily…"

"Leave her alone!" Lily screamed to nobody in particular and at the sound of her voice, the crying and wailing around them reached its peak, as if reacting to the call.

"Lily, I hear people coming!" Severus said as he sat down with her. Lily's response was only a sniffle but surely enough, not one second after, the doors of the library were thrown open with violence as almost half the staff barged in. Severus had never been happier to see Dumbledore since he had started at this school.

Severus didn't know at first if they could hear the crying and screaming too, but he saw the way some of the staff fell back as they approached them, their eyes widening and mouths opening in shock. But Dumbledore's eyes were smoldering, so much that Severus was almost afraid of the man.

"_Silence_!"

Nobody, Lily and Severus included, could have never guessed that old and frail looking Dumbledore could made a sound like that. The word was drawn out and it was loud, very, _very_ loud, to the point that it seemed to shake the walls and wake the night. It made Severus's ears hurt, but he was grateful, because the murmuring, the moans and all the screams had died down as if hell had swallowed them back up. The shadows stopped trying o break out of their confines and the darkness receded.

As Severus watched it all disappear, he was left with eh feeling that it had never really happened, as if it had all been in his head. It was then that he understood they were not the product of usual magic, because it was impossible for any normal sound to just cease to exist that way, leaving nothing behind, not even the slightest echo.

Dumbledore looked around the walls with the kind of expression that Severus had never before seen on the man. It was almost unnatural to see his usually so kind features twisted in such a look of rage. Then he knelt down beside them and Severus inched away from him, trying to draw Lily away too, fearing the headmaster almost as much as he had been relieved to see him a moment ago… but Lily would move an inch. She actually moved closer to the headmaster.

"Professor… " Lily sobbed and Dumbledore was infinitely gentle as he put a hand on her shoulder.

"You have done beautifully, my dear… but now it's time to let madame Porfrie look at Marlene, don't you think?" His voice was soft, low and persuasive. It melted Severus's fear out of him, because he knew that the headmaster was back. What he had seen before had looked nothing like the Albus Dumbledore he knew. Lily nodded and wiped her tears away, as a McGonagall that looked so touched and emotional that to Severus it seemed almost as if she had gotten a new face, took her by the shoulders and almost carried her off.

"Wait, her wrist is sprained… I think." He said, at first loudly, but it turned into a murmur as soon as Dumbledore's eyes fell on him. But the headmaster's eyes were gentle, not fierce at all.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" He asked and Severus shook his head in no. The nurse was already all over Marlene and Lily was being carried out by one of the professors. They had put her asleep. He saw her red hair like a flame in the dim light that had filled the place, as they took her away.

"Professor Flitliuk, please inform Mister Henry McKinnon of his sisters condition. As for you…" Dumbledore turned to Severus "I suggest you follow Miss Evans to the nursery and stay there my boy. She is going to need some comfort when she wakes." Dumbledore said, and this time, Severus had the strength to meet his eye.

"Then maybe you should expel the one who is responsible for this." Severus said, the irritation in his voice turning into cold anger.

"We will take measures to punish the ones responsible accordingly." Dumbledore said patiently, but as he looked at the tiny boy in front of him, he knew something was bruin behind those dark eyes. Dumbledore had never before entered a student's mind without explicit permission, but in that moment he wished to know what was going on in this particular one. As if answering his questions, the boy spoke again.

"I know who did it." Severus said. And as he spoke he felt the weight of Dumbledore's gaze on him as if it was made of bricks.

"My dear boy…" McGonagall breathed out, her hand going to her chest.

"It was Potter and his friends. Potter and Black put Marlene in there and the other two knew it, I am certain… though I don't know if they were accomplices as well." He only added the last part for the sake of accuracy and complete honesty, because in that moment, Dumbledore didn't look like a man who could forgive a lie and Severus knew that Lupin would never involve himself in something like this and that Pettigrew wouldn't be of any use in it. It had been Potter and Black, he was sure.

"And do you have any proof of this accusation." Dumbledore asked, very calmly, as he scrutinized Severus's eyes so deeply that Sev felt the need to look away as if it was an unbearable itch. But he didn't.

"No." He said dejectedly, but didn't relent. "But Lily thinks so too, and you know she is always right."

Professor Dumbledore wouldn't stop staring at him.

"Very well but now you need to go and get some rest. You will tell us what happened here as soon as you are better." McGonagall said, as she urged him to go. Severus was about to leave and the headmaster's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Mister Snape, which one of you did this." He pointed at the ruined door and wall, the remnants of Lily's spell. Severus gritted his teeth.

"Would the one who did it get in trouble?" He asked tightly.

"Severus, my boy, answer the headmasters question!" A very agitated Slughorn said, so unexpectedly that Severus was startled.

"It was me." Severus said, his fists tightly clenched. He would hate to get a detention and lose house points over something he didn't do, and he would have gladly made Gryffindor lose some points over this… but Lily… The Gryffindor involved here was Lily and he would hate it more if she got detention because he snitched out on her. He would never, ever tell on her. He couldn't. Severus looked up meet his punishment, but to his infinite surprise, Dumbledore was far from angry. He was … smiling? Yes, that was a smile on his lips, it was small, but it was there. Severus stared.

"Very well. You may go." The headmaster said, and Severus blinked as if he was stupid, but he wasn't about to question him. He walked away and his house prefect was waiting by the door to escort him to the nursery.

"What the bloody hell happened here?" He asked, but Severus ignored him, having absolutely no interest in giving explanations to anyone. "Hey kid, I'm taking to you."

"Leave me alone." Severus hissed and for some reason, the fifth year did.

oOoOoOoOo

Minerva watched as Severus Snape left with his house' prefect. Then, when they were sure the students were out of range, she turned to Albus who was inspecting the insides of the Restricted Sections very carefully.

"Albus, what on heaven's name was that?" She asked as she looked around herself a little wearily. She had not believed her eyes as she had come in the library a few moments before. What she had seen and hers had been beyond any experience she'd had before.

"That Minerva, was what a nightmare looks like when it comes to life." Albus explained calmly as he touched the covers of the books as he passed by. Some of them shook at his touch.

"What could you possibly mean by that Albus?"

"We all are capable of the most astounding magic Minerva, all we need to do it learn to get it out, learn to use it." Dumbledore turned to look at her and at the other member of the staff who were listening. His face was hard, his eyes far away as if he was not even there in the room with them. "But when our magic stuck inside of us and we cannot control it, it has a way of turning against us… much like it turned against Miss McKinnon."

Minerva was starting to get the gist of this conversation. "Being locked in here prevented her from taking her medication. The medication she takes keeps the chemical balance in her brain stable, it keeps her healthy. Without them, Marlene would become prey of hallucinations and epileptic seizures." she observed and Albus nodded.

"What is extraordinary about her condition however is that her magical ability is just as unstable as she is. She has lost her ability to control it – so that is something her medications do for her as well." Albus continued. He knew this kind of condition, it was familiar to him in ways that he did not wish to share. The trouble was that it was very rare. Nobody knew why the bring chose to suppress its magic. Nobody knew how to bring it back… And when the person suffering from this condition was someone like Marlene – someone who was not completely in control of her own brain - the situation got from bad to worse. Incontrollable bursts of magic from a source so instable could cause damage to that person as well as people around them. Marlene was the most recent proof of that.

"Albus, are you saying that all this was caused by Marlene herself? That she _made_ this?" Minerva was sounding unbelieving, but that was exactly what Albus thought.

"Yes. The drug was not there to suppress neither her hallucinations nor her unstable magical abilities, so everything took a toll on her at the same time. The magic inside her made everything real." Dumbledore finished. Minerva's sharp intake of breath took up half the oxygen in the room as she realized what had happened. Her eyes filled with unshed tears as she watched the body of her student behind taken away to the nursery.

"It is true now as it has always been: our powers are the greatest weapons against us." Dumbledore whispered as he looked around. He was thinking back to another girl that could not control her powers and to all the damage that that tragedy brought on her… but it was too late now, even though his pain always hurt anew every time he thought of it.

"And what about this?" McGonagall asked as she pointed at the destroyed wall that separated the library from the restricted section. "How could a first year manage a spell that can cause so much damage?"

"A first year couldn't." Dumbledore answered simply. "Which was why this one got a little out of control." Dumbledore was walking around, searching the ground for something and Minerva couldn't fathom what was going on thought that brain of his but she had had thousands of conversations like this with Albus and he more than anything had taught her the meaning of patience.

"Ah, here it is!" He said, and Minerva was amazed to see him bend and pick up a wand. He performed a spell on if, _priori incantatum_, and the result seemed to please him.

"Just as I thought." He murmured.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, Albus, explain yourself!" The annoyance in her tone seemed to bring him back to the situation at hand.

"Ah, of course. Forgive me, Minerva." He took a deep breath. "This is Miss Evans's wand. She most probably dropped it when she performed her exploding spell. _Bombarda_… very astute."

"But, the boy took responsibility for the explosion." Minerva pointed out, a little thrown off. "He lied? Why would he?"

"Oh, to protect miss Evans of course." the explanation was given to her in such a simple way, as if it had been obvious to Albus all along, but Minerva had to take a moment to contemplate it.

"Miss Evans was most probably very scared and nervous at the moment, which was why the spell came off more intense than it should have. I am willing to bet my beard that it was the strength of the spell that sprained her wrist. Hmm, most impressive indeed."

"Especially considering that most third years have difficulties with this category of spells." Minerva said, looking at the wand as if the secret was there.

"Yes… I wonder where she read about it." Dumbledore said quietly, an almost imperceptible smile curving his lips.

"Do you think Snape is right in assuming that Potter and Black are behind this?" McGonagall asked, obviously very disturbed by the mere thought. Dumbledore turned to look at her and the little thrill that had been in his eyes a second ago was replaced by a deep, endless sadness. Minerva swallowed with difficulty. She didn't need to hear the answer, she read it in his eyes. She had doubted it herself, knowing how irritated was the relationship between Marlene and those two boys. And yet, it was unthinkable that two of her own students could go this far.

"How could they do this? I know James Potter and Sirius Black. They may be difficult boys but they are not cruel." Minerva said, not as much in their defense as trying to make sense of this situation.

"Precisely, Minerva. They are only children. All they mean was to give her a good fright by locking her for the night in one of the most ominous places of the castle. They couldn't have known how truly dangerous this cage would be nor how easily breakable their victim was." Dumbledore spoke quietly and deliberately as he watched Madame Ponfrie take care of Marlene McKinnon. His tone mad Minerva frown. She didn't like his tone a bit.

"Yes, she most certainly never lets it show. I have never taught a more tenacious child." Minerva said a bit resentfully, looking away from the little girl that was now resting on a stretching bed as the nurse prepared to transport her to the hospital wing.

"Poppy, what is her condition?" She asked, but the nurse seemed a little lost.

"Oh, I don't know Minerva. She seems as if she is sleeping and her internal organs are all stable and normal now, but she is unresponsive. I'm afraid we are going to have to transfer her to St Mungos for a more precise diagnoses." Poppy looked at Dumbledore, as if she was waiting for him to say something.

"We are going to need her parents' permission to do that and I'm afraid that they will not be willing. They need to be informed at once."

"I've already sent Gregory to write a letter informing them Albus." Minerva interjected.

"Good. Miss McKinnon has a personal Healer that always takes care of her. I'm sure he will be able to help her Poppy." The nurse nodded and went away, taking Marlene with her. The girl's face looked calm, almost peaceful, as if she was just in a dreamless sleep.

Yes, Dumbledore thought, her family needed to be called on immediately, more so because he knew that no matter how good a healer Poppy was, when it came to Marlene McKinnon she was not competent enough, because she was blind to the child's previous condition. As it were, Marlene was the only student in generations that had no medical file prior to entering Hogwarts - at least not in the school's archives. She did have a medical file, a rather thick one, but her father had categorically refused to make it public, only trusting the headmaster alone to read it.

"Now, for our culprits…"

"Why is it, that every time some trouble happens, those two are always involved?" Minerva muttered under her breath, not even trying to hide her anger as she usually did.

"First, we have to make sure that our accusations are founded Minerva." Dumbledore said calmly, completely at odds with McGonagall's visible irritation. She swatted Dumbledore's statement away with a move of her hand, as if she was pushing away a fly.

"Oh, nonsense. Of _course_ it was them. Black and that girl have been at each other's throats since the day they met on the train. And Potter is wherever Black is and vice versa, that goes without saying. Nobody else would be stupid enough to cross a McKinnon! Most of the other students are too afraid of her to go anywhere near her."

Minerva took a deep breath, trying to calm down. She felt impossibly wearied out, stretched thin like a small incantation trying to contort a great piece of steel into life.

If these children were so much trouble now, she could only dread what they would be capable of as they grew older and more creative.

"Ah, I can feel it Albus, by the time this generation graduates, I'm going to look twice my age and my head is going to be as white as your beard." She sounded almost lamenting and Dumbledore couldn't help a small chuckle.

"And its only their first year." He said pensively, and it was not a joke at all and accidentally sending Minerva on another tirade. She was fuming.

"Oh, but this time they've done it. I am sick and tired of their escapades." McGonagall was livid all of a sudden, her nostrils flaring, her lips thin. She was hissing in between her clenched teeth. "This time I'm going to punish them so hard their ancestors will feel it."

°o°o°o°o°o°

Lily was hidden behind the curtains of her nursery bed. She had woken almost the very moment she had been laid in there. The nurse, who had come a little while later, had fixed her wrist with her wand, but had forbidden her to leave, which was fine because Lily wanted to stay.

She saw when they brought Marlene's body in. She hadn't wanted to, but she couldn't tear her eyes away, it was as if her eyes were glued open. Marlene was lying in a stretcher and she looked so infinitely small, her limbs as if made of glass. The nurse handled her with infinite care, arranged her body in a position where she would be most comfortable, changed from her uniform to a soft nightshirt that seemed too big for Marlene's body. Through all of this, Marlene didn't even breathe differently. It was as if she was in such a deep sleep that nothing could get through to her.

After changing and tucking her in, the nurse started mixing potions with a speed that Lily had never seen before, not even from Professor Slughorn. The potion kept changing color until it finally became transparent as if it was water. She fed it to Marlene so slowly that it took ten minutes for the nurse to be done.

"Madame… Madame, is she going to be ok?" Lily asked barely whispering, but still the nurse was startled.

"For the sake of Merlin's white beard, child!"

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to frighten you." Lily said fast.

The nurse waved her off and flattened the front of her dress. "Oh, it not your fault dear, but you shouldn't be awake. I'll give you a sleeping potion." Madame Ponfrie looked through the cabinet to her right.

"No, no, please. I can fall asleep on my own, I just really wanted to know…"

"You are the one that found her?" Madame asked without turning around.

"Yes… I and Severus together." Lily was a little confused when all Madame Ponfrie said was a light '_hmmm'_. "What is wrong with her?" Lily pressed, this time more firmly, her voice less breathy.

"I'll know what's wrong with her when she wakes up. For now everything seems fine." The nurse responded, but there was something in her voice that made Lily frown.

"She is sleeping so heavily though, isn't she?" Lily asked, as if she was trying to sneak information out of her.

"Yes, she is." Madame Ponfrie said simply. Lily didn't stop scrutinizing her face for a second, wishing she could read minds.

"You don't really know what's wrong with her, do you?" Lily breathed out, at the risk of offending the irascible nurse, but not afraid at all. She wanted to know more than she wanted to be polite. But all the response Lily got was another _hmmm_, as Madame handed her the glass with sleeping potion. Lily eyed the thing as if it was poison. She really didn't want it, but she knew that if she refused Madame would feed it to her through a tube if she had to. Lily sighed and gulped the potion down. It tasted of strawberries…

"Is… is Henry coming?" Lily asked. She could already feel the drowsiness taking hold of her fast, a warm feeling that started at her fingertips and was spreading slowly all over her.

"Her family has been notified"

"No, I mean… her brother. She has a brother… here." Lily could barely keep her eyes open.

"Sleep now dear, don't fight it." Even those words seemed to come from a fading radio frequency for Lily. She lost senses a few moments later.


	19. Chapter 18 - McKinnons

**Chapter 18 - **_McKinnons_

_"My dear young cousin, if there's one thing I've learned over the eons, it's that you can't give up on your family, no matter how tempting they make it. It's what families do: they put their arms arounud you and love you even when you're not so lovable" _  
_Rick Riordan ; Deb Caletti  
_

"…Yes, yes, all is well. Her brain wavelength is stable and nothing is out of order. The heavy sleep is only induced by the exhaustion that her body and mind were brought to. But don't worry, she is going to be herself no time."

"You said there would be side effects."

"It is not uncommon after that kind of trauma. The brain recedes in itself to protect its functions. It is most probable that she will suffer from episodes of slight confusion when she wakes. It usually tends to last a few weeks, but knowing Marlene's healing rate, she will probably be all right in a matter of days."

Lily kept listening but the words seemed to bounce off her before she could process them in her brain. She had never slept so deeply in her life and she was having trouble letting go of the heavy drowsiness. But she also felt incredibly rested, even though it seemed only moments ago that she fell asleep.

It didn't take more than a few second for Lily to really wake up. The fuzziness of sleep abandoned her to the warms of the bed and the words that had been skipping over her brain for the last moments were now slapped on her frontal lobe. Lily now tried to catch other parts of the conversation. She recognized none of the voices, but she could guess who they were easily. And it went without saying that they were talking about Marlene. Hidden behind her bed curtains, Lily listened.

"Thank you Frank. You will always have my deepest gratitude for what you have done for my daughter many times over." A deep voice said. It was a very calming baritone - Marlene's father probably. It was a shame that Lily didn't have the courage to take a peek through the curtain of her bed and see them. She was very curious. She also wanted to look at Marlene.

"Yes of course… Thank you." The woman said, her voice more steady now, but it still broke at the end of the sentence.

"You don't need to thank me, believe me. And thought I enjoy the pleasure of your company very much, I do wish we could make these kinds of meetings rarer." This one speaking had to be the Healer, no doubt about it. His voice was that of an old, old man. A frail voice, raw but very certain and in his security he tended to reassure other people.

"I wish so too. It would be much more enjoyable if we could meet over a simple cup of tea." The woman said, and Lily suspected she had a smile on her lips, though her voice was whispery, as if she could barely speak.

"Indeed, my dear Celestia. I shall be going now, but I have connected my office's fireplace with the nurseries and Dumbledore has the means of contacting me straight away if I am needed, though I doubt the occasion will present itself. Anything you need, you know where to find me Marcus."

"Yes, I do. One more thing Frank: Is the nurse here trustworthy, or should we get Marlene a personal one?"

Lily didn't like the tone of voice Marlene's father used and she most certainly didn't like the way he talked about Madame Ponfrie, who as far as Lily was concerned was the best healer ever.

"I think I am not in error when I say that Albus chooses his staff most meticulously: Pomona was one of my very brightest students. Marlene is in very capable hands. Good day Marcus. Madame, it was a pleasure seeing you, despite the unfortunate circumstances."

Lily heard steps moving out and then the closing of the door, the steps kept getting fainter and fainter and after a few seconds she felt safe enough to look out of the curtains that were around her bed and pep at Marlene's bed that was directly in front of hers, under one of the windows. But she was caught by surprise because the nursery wasn't empty at all. Both of Marlene's older brothers were there. She knew Henry, but the other one, who was of course Charles, she had never met before. She had only heard of him, rarely, by Marlene. The thing was that when she saw them, she yelped a little and they both turned her way.

"Oh, you're awake finally." Henry said, with a little smile. Lily felt herself blush a little, but it was from embarrassment. She was in her nightgown, which was bright pink with red hearts on it – a joke present from Marlene none the less. She liked it of course, but in front of two very older boys, she felt self-conscious. Henry stayed put in his chair, but Charles, the older one who was probably in his twenties, got up and came towards her, looking very solemn.

"Hello." He said with a very faint smile, one he was probably forcing. If from afar he had looked attractive, he was even more so from up close. He had pronounced, regular features that made up for a very classic handsome face: wide, dark eyes, a regular mouth and a straight nose, high cheekbones and black thick hair that were long enough to fall a on his eyes in careless waves.

Lily sat up on her bed.

"Hello." She said, a little timidly.

From this close she could see his eyes were a little red and there were dark circles under them. He probably hadn't slept all night. Henry too looked tired: his shoulders were curved in and his eyes were heavy with sleep that he was fighting. They were both very pale and Lily felt suddenly very sorry for them both.

"You are Lily Evans, are you not?" Lily turned her attention back to Charles who was still in front of her.

He was looking at her in a very intense way, almost making her fidgety. Lily knew why that kind of stare was familiar to her: It was the kind of look Marlene would give her when she wanted to know something. And while she was a liltle nervous, she was not afraid.

"Yes, I am." Lily said.

"And you are the one who found my sister?" Charles hadn't blinked once and Lily got the weird feeling that she was being interrogated, but she bit it back.

"Yes, I am. Along with Severus." Lily didn't want to leave him out. After all, he had helped find Marlene as much as she had.

Charles nodded faintly and a slow smile broke on his face, more natural this time. The effect was amazing, it was as if he was a different person. His face warmed, the coldness in his dark eyes melted. And Lily swallowed because he was suddenly not handsome anymore but bordering on beautiful.

"I want to thank you for saving my sister." He said, his deep voice soft this time.

"Yeah, thanks Lily." Henry said from the chair near his sister's bed a lot less formally and Lily couldn't help the smile. Lily glanced at Marlene and saw her sleeping in the exact same position Lily had seen her last night. She was a little at loss for words. What did people say in situations like these? What was the right thing to say?

"You… you don't have to thank me. Marlene is my friend." She said simply, not knowing how else to explain it. This made Charles blink, as if surprised but then his smile widened and Lily actually blushed a little.

"Your friend huh? That's certainty good to know. Marly needs a friend like you." He said with a light tone and both the brothers chuckled. Lily didn't know what to make of this. Were they making fun of her? If that was so, why? Either way, she didn't like being laughed at. She tipped her chin up.

"I don't know what you mean by that. We're friends, yes, and don't see why that is so funny." Lily said with all the defiance she could master. Again, all the reaction Charles gave was a blink and put on a blank face, but knowing his sister for almost a year, Lily was certain that that was an indication of surprise. But then he smiled again to her, and it was Lily's turn to be surprised… and confused. Apparently mysterious-and-slightly-mental behavior was also in the family.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to upset you. All I mean is that it couldn't have been easy to be friends with our sister, that's all." Charles said, his smile still intact. But then it faded a little. "And I'm very grateful that you were there for her. She would be much worse off had she been found in the morning."

And this reminded Lily of something. "Is she going to be all right?" She asked. Charles took a deep breath.

"Her healer thinks so and he's never been wrong before. But you never know." Charles had turned to look at Marlene's sleeping form and there was this sadness about him that made him look much older than he really was. But when he turned to talk to her, his mood was light.

"I also want to warn you." He said, almost as if he were joking. "In a few more moments, my mother is going to come through that door and when she sees you are up, she is going to come at you and give you the kind of hug that you will never forget. Just try to remember that she isn't attacking you alright?"

Lily smiled and nodded.

As it turned out, Charles was right. After almost a full minute passed, two kinds of steps were heard outside coming closer and Lily knew that it was probably Marlene's parents. When they came inside they were talking in hushed whispers and Marlene's mother seemed very disconcerted.

She was very much like Marlene… or, to better say, Marlene looked very much like her mother. They had the same dark brown hair, and the_exact_ same eyes and eyebrows. Marlene's lips were a bit fuller, a bit more defined even though her mouth was just as small as her mother's.

Mrs. McKinnon was probably around her forties and yet she was so beautiful. But in a different way from her daughter. There was something about that woman's face that was much softer and welcoming, a sweet kind of beauty. Whereas, on the contrary, there was something about the total of Marlene's features that made her beauty edgier, sharp like a dagger. There was something in the way Marlene looked at you, in her whole countenance and bearing that made her seem just as dangerous.

Marlene's father on the other hand was very much like Charles in a way, but not as handsome as his son. He was also older than Lily expected, going by his whitening hair, and much sterner that anyone there. For a moment, his firmly set expression gave Lily pause.

Lily watched as they kept talking in quiet voices and went straight to Marlene's bedside, not looking around for anyone else. Charles smiled a little sadly before he called their attention. Lily wished to stop him, but she didn't know how.

"Mama… Miss Evans is awake." His deep voice said evenly, making Marlene's mother turn on her heel, her diamond eyes wide. Lily smiled tentatively.

"Good… good morning Mrs. McKinnon." She said quietly and didn't know herself why she was feeling so shy all of a sudden. Probably something having to do with the feeling of intruding in a family matter.

"Oh, my darling." Mrs. McKinnon came to her bed in hurried steps and, just like Charles had predicted, enveloped Lily in a strong embrace, almost drawing her up off the bed, squeezing Lily's ribs together, but not quite to the point where she couldn't breathe - like her own mother sometimes did. Despite blushing so red she might look like a tomato, Lily was a little bemused because she was thinking that Charles really had no idea how much she was used to being hugged like this. Mrs. McKinnon released Lily after a few moments, and put her back into bed as she sat by her side and kept looking at Lily with tearful eyes.

"Thank you. Thank you for going out of your way for my Marly. We'll always be grateful." She said so full of sincerity and Lily didn't know what to say except just sit there in her pink and frill nightgown and blush deeply.

"Yes, you have our deepest gratitude." Lily looked up to look at Marlene's father, slightly intimidated by his so very serious face that seemed to be made of stone. "We were told you were very brave and especially persistent." He added and for the first time his expression changed a little because he was smiling he spoke, as if amused by some joke Lily didn't get.

"Well, of course." Henry interjected from where he was. "She's a Gryffindor, what did you expect?"

Marlene's father smiled a little more widely and it didn't seem fake or sinister like Lily was afraid it would be, but there was something there, as if in his head se was amused by a different punch-line.

"Marlene has told us so much about you!" Mrs. McKinnon said, grabbing Lily's attention again, who was very much surprised, because she didn't expect Marlene to talk about her to her family. Somehow Marlene didn't seem the kind of girl that would have a close relationship with her mother… or anyone for that matter, but apparently Lily had been wrong.

"She did?"

"Of course she did. She said you're one of the smartest student in the school." Mrs. McKinnon said and Lily felt her cheeks burn again.

"Mama, you're embarrassing her." Charles said softly and Mrs. McKinnon waved him off as if he was a bothersome fly – and even then, there was infinite grace in her movements.

"Nonsense Charles. But how are you feeling my dear? The nurse told us that you were quite beside yourself with exhaustion. And you hurt your hand too!" Her face showed genuine concern and Lily was touched… and also very nervous about being on the spot.

"I'm fine thank you. I think I should be out now actually." And she really wanted to leave despite her wish to stay for Marlene, because she felt as if she was imposing on their family.

"That is for the nurse to determine dear. You should never be careless about your health." Mrs. McKinnon said in a much stricter tone than Lily had thought the delicate-looking woman could manage. Then she tugged at the covers of Lily's bed, bringing them up, as if urging Lily to lie back down.

"Come on, under the covers you go. I don't want you to catch a cold or anything like it."

Lily didn't have the slightest inclination to go back inside the covers, but there was something about that woman's tone that she didn't want to cross. And besides, Madame Ponfrie would be here in minutes and she would tell her to go back to her dormitory so there was no harm done. Lily let herself slide back down on the bed and Mrs. McKinnon tucked her in.

"Thank you." Lily said faintly and Mrs. McKinnon smile warmly at her.

"You're welcome darling. Now try to get some rest, you are looking a bit pale."

Lily set her head on the pillow and she had no idea why her head felt as if it was swimming and her eyes burned, as if she hadn't slept in days, when she only just woke up. It was a matter of minutes before she fell asleep again.

°o°o°o°o°o°

The next thing Lily knew was the warmth of the sun on her face. She woke slowly, lazily. Sleep was still trying to pull her under, as it was a ten-pound heavy weight tied to her ankle and pulling her down in the depths of dark water. But the warmth was so pleasant. Not obtrusive, not too hot. A caress on the face. She woke with a smile, her mind taking its time to connect all its processes and remember why she was in the bursary. The tends of her bed were drawn and Lily had to blink a few times because the light was directly on her eyes. She didn't mind it. Even in her room at home, her bed was directly in front of the window because she liked to wake with the sun on her face.

And then, just as she was in the middle of her pleasant waking process, stirring her limbs like a cat, a few soft sounds got her attention. Whispers and occasional low sobs, as if someone was crying silently and someone else was trying to soothe them. It took her a heartbeat to realize whom it was that was doing the crying. She froze and all the softness of her awakening faded, leaving the dreams and drowsiness behind.

Marlene was crying…? such an odd notion. Lily had never seen Marlene cry before, or even seen any tangible, proof that she was even capable of it. At most, Lily had seen that on time at the beginning of the year that her eyes were red and puffy.

Lily sat up and then edged her bare feet to the ground. She shivered, it was so cold. But before she could move towards Marlene's bed, which was covered by curtains, she listened intently. Even though she was dying to see her friend, she didn't want to intrude. But when the voices became more distinctive, they froze her in place.

"Hush now. You're going to be fine." It was either Charles or Henry in there. Somehow Lily couldn't imagine Marlene's father talking like that, so softly. He looked much too stern for that.

"I feel so confused…" Marlene's voice was only above a whisper and very raw, as if she could barely talk.

"There's nothing to be afraid of now. Do you understand that? It's safe now. Its day. See?"

"I hate it. I hate it because I know it's going to end. And the darkness will come again. And I'll stop being a little girl and I'll be just voices all over again, screaming." She sobbed and her throat was so raw that Lily bet every breath and word hurt.

"What am I?" Marlene asked in such desperation that it made Lily cringe as she tried to keep her tears at bay.

"You're my beautiful baby sister." The voice was answered back at her was impossibly gentle, warm and reassuring, and Marlene calmed, her breathing wasn't quite so loud anymore and Lily was glad because when she spoke she sounded like a vacuum-cleaner and she knew that it must hurt her.

"But… I threw up on your bed…"

There was a low chuckle and then: "Yup. Definitely my sister." The silence stretched for a few minutes, Marlene's sobs were lessening.

"I remember everything Charlie."

So it _was_ Charles. Of course he had stayed. Marlene always called him Charlie, Lily didn't know why. She had told Lily that Charles never responded to anything but his full given name, or when people called him Mr. McKinnon. But as always, Marlene was the exception – she called him Charlie, even though he hated it.

"Remember everything about what Marly?" His voice asked, softly, so very gently.

"About the darkness. And the screaming." Marlene whispered with a breathy voice. She said something else that Lily couldn't understand, because her voice had dropped even lower. "It was so loud, I couldn't stop it. And then it was inside my head and…" There was a sniffle and then another.

"You don't have to think about it. It's over."

"But I can't help it. It's there. Every time it gets quiet, the voices in start again. Before they didn't scream, but now they do and I can't control it at all." Marlene sniffled again and Lily heard a few muffled sobs.

"I could just fade away. I could do that. It would be so much easier for everyone."

"No it would not." Charles said very resolutely, so much that Lily thought he was a bit angry. She could understand him. She was angry too.

"Listen up." Charles' voice was suddenly hard and unforgiving and Lily had the sense that there was another word that was left unsaid in that sentence. Personally, she would have gone with '_Idiot'_ but Charles could have a much more articulate vocabulary. "You matter. Do you understand? To a lot of people. We love you and we want you to stay."

"I always get in trouble. I always make you worry."

"It keeps us healthy."

"I'm afraid of being alone in the dark."

"Me too. We're going to have to make Henry protect us." There was another sniffle from Marlene and something that sounded more like a gurgle, but that could have been a chuckle.

"I want to go home. I don't like it here anymore." Marlene said and Lilt could tell by her tone that she was crying again. It sounded almost like a whimper.

"But you have friends here. Good friends. Remember Lily?"

Another sniffle "You think she still likes me?"

"Why wouldn't she?"

Well, to tell the entire truth, Lily could think of a lot of reason, but that wasn't the point. They were friends and against all evidence of reason, Lily wanted to keep it that way. Apparently, so did Marlene and that made Lily smile.

"Because I'm horrible. I can't help it. Most of the time I'm not even sorry." Sniffle. Well, at least she knew it, that had to count for something, Lily thought.

"You're not horrible. You're… particular." That was stretching the truth to an breaking point, but you had to admire Charles' diplomacy, lily though. "I'm sure she likes you a lot."

There was a long stretch of silence broken only by Marlene lessening sniffles.

"I think I'm a little crazy." Marlene said unexpectedly. There was a moment's pause, which made Lily blink in surprise. Why wasn't he answering? Denying it? Marlene wasn't crazy! She was just… a little strange and had a bizarre sense of humor, but then again, who didn't?! She was _particular_, just like her brother said. And yet, Charles said nothing…

"You remember what I told you? About you being a little different from the rest?"

"About my head being broken. It is isn't it. There is something broken in me…" Suddenly Marlene's voice had that terseness that was so usual about her and despite everything, Lily was glad that the Marlene she knew was somewhere in the girl that was crying behind the curtain.

"No. I told you about you being _special_." Charles said, again very firmly, thought not harshly. "You need some help now and again, remember?"

Marlene sighed and it was like an act of surrender. "I remember… I'm getting better though, did I tell you that? I'm getting better with my magic." Again a small pause and Lily could almost hear Charles frowning. Probably not, maybe she was associating, since she was frowning, deeply confused.

"No you didn't tell me that." He said, his voice sounding strangely blank.

"Well, I am. It's easier when I don't take my medications…" Marlene's voice sounded strangely hesitating, almost apologetic, as if she knew what was going to come after she said it. Surely enough, when Charles spoke, his voice was cold and anger was prominent in it for the first time.

"Marlene! You know you can't do that! Promise me! Promise me, right now that you are _never_ going to do that!" Lily thought she could detect fear in his voice. She didn't know why, but she was suddenly afraid as well.

"Marly, I need to hear you say it." Now he was almost pleading with her and Lily didn't need any more confirmations that this was important. If it got someone as hard-looking as Charles from angry, to afraid to pleading in less than a second that it most surely was imperative.

"I promise, ok. I swear it on mama's life. I never really did it anyway!" Marlene's voice held the kind of candor that Lily had never heard before, that she hadn't thought possible Marlene could manage. "Just sometimes, I try to do some spells right before I take my meds and it's so much easier. It's like these medicine slow down my brain or something."

"Not your _brain_, Marly." Charles said and the calmness and gentleness was back in his voice. He seemed to trust Marlene's promise implicitly, and despite everything, Lily couldn't blame him. Marlene may be a lot of things, of very bad things sometimes, but she always kept her word. She was almost fanatical in that aspect actually, which more often than not proved to be troublesome.

Marlene huffed in response to her brother's words. "Right, not my brain, my magic… whatever. My magic is controlled by my brain, so inevitably, there is bound to be some slowing down in there." She said in her usual condescending tone.

"Big words for a stoned girly." Charles said, mirth in his tone.

"Eww, gross. I am not _stoned_. I'm sedated, there's a difference."

"Whatever you say." Charles replied in a peacemaking tone.

"Did you know that I have a photographic memory?"

"Hmm."

"I remember you when I was about three years old. I remember chasing you around the house with a huge teddy bear that had come alive." Marlene made a sound that was in between a gurgle and a chuckle. Her throat must be really rough, Lily thought. How much had she screamed for her throat to be this scrapped?... but Lily was too afraid to think about that for too long.

Slowly Lily got back on her bed. She really didn't want to be caught eavesdropping and this didn't sound like a conversation you'd want to interrupt. Charles chuckled, as if his sister words had surprised him.

"I can't believe you remember that… you weren't even three years old back then, more like two and three quarters."

"You were eleven and I still scared you." The defiance in her tone was reassuring, Lily thought. It was proof that Marlene was coming back to normal.

"I was surprised, not scared." Charles said with strictness that smelled of fake and Lily could practically hear the smile in his voice. "And I let you chase me because it made you laugh like a donkey and it was funny."

"I did not!" Marlene's voice got a couple of octaves higher from outrage, which made her cough.

"Sure you did."

"_No_ I didn't!"

"Yes, you did." Charles insisted and Lily was curious to see what Marlene would do about that. she didn't like it when people insisted against her.

"No, I didn't!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I…"

"Would you two cut it out! I'm trying to sleep here!" Marlene and Charles laughed, stopping their game. Lily had been a little surprised to hear Henry's groggy voice, she hadn't seen him at all, but she was glad that he was there because, despite the fact that Marlene and her brother were being really cute (which was completely surprising. Lily hadn't thought Marlene had a _cute_ bone in her body, so to speak), it tended to get nerve-gritting after the first 2 or so times.

Lily turned on her other side. She didn't know when she would be able to talk to Marlene, but it wasn't going to happen for as long as her family was there. They seemed to monopolize her thoroughly somehow.

Or was it the other way around?


	20. Chapter 19 - My only friend

**Chapter 19 – **_My only friend…_

_It was never meant to be so simple, so easy. It was never meant to happen so naturally, as if destiny had always meant for me to find this ray of light. But I am an avid believer in destiny, in that greater force that preordains things, so when it happened, when she came to me, i simply... accepted it._

_Not gracefully, and not without fighting it - fighting her and her obnoxious trust and belief in me, which if i didn't depent so much on , i would hate. But in the end, i accepted, and moved on._

_Moved on into the realm of keeping this impossibly misplaced gift that was as much of a blessing as a curse: Her friendship._

When Lily woke up again, the first thing she thought was 'I have got to ask what Madame Ponfrie puts in her sleeping potions'. She was sure she had slept at least 48 hours straight! It was _insane_.

"Finally! I thought I might have to bring some bloke to kiss you out of that sleep." Lily's eyes snapped open and she sat up in a blur of movement… perhaps a little too fast because her head spun.

"Easy there. You'd think _you_ were the one to be traumatized." Marlene said again, her tone as breezy as ever.

Lily groaned. Marlene was back – the Marlene Lily knew, the only one that made sense, in that strange Marlene-ish way…

"You're up." She said groggily as she rubbed her eyes.

"Yup." Marlene confirmed and the smile was in her upbeat tone… just as the seriousness laid one inch beneath that enthusiasm. She was sitting at the foot of Lily's bed, cross legged, threading the edge of her blue nightgown absentmindedly. Her voice didn't sound as rough as it had sounded last night, but it was still scrappy around the edges, as if Marlene was recovering from a bad cold.

"How long have you been sitting there?" Lily asked, her own voice thick from unused and sleep, as she sat herself up, this time taking care not to rush her movements or her head would spin again. One look around told her that the nursery was almost deserted except for the two of them. It was so early that the sun hadn't even risen yet.

"A while." Marlene admitted casually, but when Lily looked up she saw that the frivolity Marlene's tone was infused with was entirely absent from her wolfish eyes. Her face was set in hard lines, serious and unmoving. Her eyes burned intensely, like ice-blue flame.

Marlene held Lily's eyes and didn't try to smooth down her intense expression in favor of the indifferent look she always wore. Lily had to wonder whether it was because what had happened to her the other night was still too real to fake normality just yet… or because Marlene had decided that she didn't want to hide at all.

"What are you looking at?" Marlene asked calmly, the lightness of her tone evaporated. Her question was purposeful, her eyes searching.

"I'm looking at you." Lily said just as calmly without breaking eye contact. They both knew what they were talking about and for the first time, there was no fishing, no prodding on Lily's part. Marlene was being open and calm. It was strange, because Lily had never seen that expression in her eyes, but now, as Marlene looked at her without distrust, her eyes didn't seem so wolfish anymore. They seemed wider, more readable. There was no threat, no silent intimidation.

There was just Marlene.

And because she had always been so out of reach and closed before, this openness had suddenly made her… endless.

"I'm a real sight to behold aren't I?" Marlene spoke quietly, something that tried to resemble a smile curving one corner of her lips, immeasurable sadness in her now unfathomably deep eyes.

And maybe it was because of that sadness that her words tasted of irony and possibly even a little contempt.

It was strange hearing Marlene speak that way of herself…

Lily slid out of the light covers and crawled her way over to sit cross-legged in front of Marlene. Neither of them said anything for a long moment, they just stared at each other. There were so many emotions in Marlene's eyes that Lily couldn't even begin to keep track of them all, but for once, she didn't even try. Marlene wasn't a problem to solve anymore, a curious puzzle to put back together.

She was a person.

For the first time, Marlene was proving what Lily had always suspected: She was so much more like everyone else than everyone thought. She had issues and fears and insecurities that were so much worse than most people's. Lily had always suspected something along those lines - but she had never seen Marlene admit it. Marlene always chose to hide her good parts as well as her shortcomings behind the worst aspects of her personality: the arrogance, the insensitivity, the selfishness and insolence.

"How are you feeling?" Lily whispered.

"Better… H-how are you feeling?"

Lily did her best to smirk the way Marlene always did when anyone asked her a question she considered obsolete.

"Tired of answering that question." She said, trying to imitate Marlene down to her 'stop talking now' tone of voice. The twitch of Marlene's lips fought to be a smile.

"So…" Marlene started with a sigh.

Lily raised her eyebrows in surprise at finding out that even the witty Marlene McKinnon whose tongue was always sharp as a razorblade, could in fact get lost for words sometimes.

Lily smiled sweetly, the expression warming her face, but Marlene was looking down at where her fingers were fumbling with her nightgown.

In that precise moment Lily realized a very important thing: she would never need to actually hear the words 'thank you' from Marlene. They both knew each other: just as Lily knew that for Marlene didn't like to express gratitude (probably because she was so skilled in never asking for help) Marlene also knew that one of the sure ways to piss off Lily was to be ungrateful for the things she did for you.

Marlene was bent on not making that mistake… but she was no sure on how exactly to go about it. And that was exactly the discomfort Lily picked up on.

"Did Potter and Black really lock you in there?" Lily asked, her face once again serious. She had changed the topic for a reason. There was no need to for her friend to be uncomfortable or go against her ways: Lily knew that Marlene would find a way to _show_ Lily the 'thank you' she had had such a hard time saying.

Marlene looked up into Lily's eyes, seemingly a bit startled and even a tad confused. A small frown pulled at her eyebrows.

"Yeah, they did." She said slowly, her frown deepening as her thought turned to the events of the previous night. Her eyes focused at some spot on the sheets, seeing right through it as they got glassy and unfocused.

"Why?" Lily's whispered carried indignation as well as disbelief, as if she couldn't believe her ears.

Marlene jerked away from her thoughts as if they had literally burned her, and then rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"It was just a stupid prank. They wanted to get back at me for stealing all their left shoes and right socks…" Marlene smiled at the memory – that had been a fun day – "…so they locked me in the restricted section. It cost them a broken nose, a sprained wrist and a couple of black eyes to get me in though." Marlene smirked in her characteristic way, haughtily victorious of her small achievement.

Lily smiled at her expression, even though a little unwillingly.

A stupid prank was not what she had witnessed that night in the library. That had been something else entirely. That had been the blackest magic Lily had seen or read about since she had come to this castle. And by the looks of it, by the very _feel_ of it and the effect it had on even Albus Dumbledore - it would probably be the darkest magic Lily would see for a while.

And yet Marlene chose to downplay it. After hearing her in the middle of the night with Charles, sobbing and afraid, Lily was not prepared to push her into expanding. She was curious, yes, but not enough to harm her friend. Marlene still looked too fragile from the whole ordeal.

"So, when are we going to leave this place. I hate the hospital wing." Lily used a lighter voice, as if to signal that the heavy stuff was over and Marlene could relax if she wanted to. But she only saw confusion in Marlene's eyes, as another frown pulled her proud eyebrows together.

For a second Lily was thrown. "What is it?" She asked earnestly.

Marlene's frown deepened, her black brows pulling closer together.

"Don't you wanna know more?" she asked flatly and Lily was taken aback by the directness and curtness of the tone. She blinked a couple to times fast as she usually did when someone caught her by surprise.

"Yes, I do."

"So why don't you ask?" Marlene continued as if the fact that Lily didn't prod somehow irritated her.

"Because… I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. And I thought that if you wanted to tell me, you would."

"I _am_ willing to tell you." Marlene stated, but that openness and clarity of her eyes was gone and that more than anything bothered Lily the most.

Lily had lost the direction of this conversation about ten seconds ago, but as experience had taught her, with Marlene it was always a good idea to go where the wind took you… until to a certain point. And you should be careful about not missing that point, because Marlene was ready to take you to the edges of everything you had ever known - and then throw you over that edge into unknown and dark waters.

Those dark and unexplored waters were her realm, her kingdom. Her home and the only place Marlene ever wanted to be.

But sometimes, for normal people, that was a little too much.

"I don't want you to strain yourself after everything you went though. When you _want_ to tell me, then I'll listen very carefully, you can bet on it. But right now, the last thing you need is live everything all over again just to suit my curiosity. This is not some debt you have to pay Marlene. I will listen whenever you feel like talking to me." Lily spoke fast, not letting Marlene interpret of interrupt.

"So… do you wanna talk about it now?" Lily asked again, this time softening both her tone and eyes. And just like that Marlene's entire face melted and her eyes warmed, her feelings once again breaking through. It was as if a ray of light had made it through the harsh clouds or a tempest and it shone right through Marlene's eyes.

"No, I really don't." Marlene admitted with more sincerity than she had said anything else in a long time.

"Will you wanna talk about it, eventually?" Lily tried again, this time with a smile.

Which was reciprocated almost shyly – that was a _serious_ first!

"Yeah, sure. Eventually. I like that word. I'll work on it, promise." Marlene said softly. A few moments passed and then Marlene smiled again, but this time it was mischievous, more of a smirk.

"Aren't you gonna ask me not to go after Potter and Black like you usually do?"

Lily snorted. "Seriously? This time, I'm going to help you."

Marlene looked at her with plain disbelief. "Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it Evans."

"Fine. But first I'm gonna have to smuggle myself out of this godforsaken room!" Then she leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. "I seriously think the nurse is an evil doppelganger of Madame Ponfrie who is secretly keeping up here as lab rats."

Marlene chuckled and then smiled widely, looking like a Cheshire cat. "You've seriously read my mind… though I was tending towards slightly darker avenues." She said, making Lily chuckle.

She knew beforehand that Marlene abhorred hospitals with a vengeance and deeply distrusted all medical personnel.

Just as Lily was about to jump off the bed to get dressed, Marlene snagged her wrist, her grip firm enough to command attention but not startle. Lily turned to her friend with a question in her eyes.

"You think I don't do 'thank you-s' very well."

It wasn't a question, it was a calm statement, and it made Lily freeze in her tracks. Marlene pulled on her wrist lightly and Lily came to sit back face to face with her. Marlene was still smiling that rare honest smile and the sight of that calmed Lily a little.

"And you're right - I don't have much practice. I loathe being indebted to people, and I could not have been able to tolerate owning anyone a debt as great as my own life."

Lily started to say something, but Marlene tightened her fingers around Lily's wrist gently, her eyes widening, looking like deep pools of crystalline water that moved relentlessly. Every imaginable shade of azure was in those eyes… and now that Lily noticed, a slash of yellow across her left iris as well.

How perfectly astounding…

It was just a tiny ribbon of color, really, that was barely noticeable amidst the cerulean of the whole, but that could not be helped but make itself known so up close.

Under Marlene's direct and almost hypnotic gaze, Lily felt pinned to the bed and unable to breathe properly. There was something about Marlene's words, something in the way she was looking at Lily that reminded the redhead of a wild animal cautiously coming closer to take a sniff off a person's hand.

One wrong move, and Marlene would disappear forever like a black panther in the night.

"…I'm not very good with people, socially speaking. I have trust issues, control issues, rudeness issues." Lily smiled at those words, and humor made an attempt to return to Marlene's eyes. "But you looked for me anyway…" Marlene whispered quietly and even though there was no questioning mark in her tone, the question was in her eyes – she didn't understand why Lily would do such a thing, since Marlene had not given her much reason to. There was also deep seated awe in her words, in the way she was looking at Lily in that very moment.

As if she was looking at Lily for the very first time.

"Severus was with me too you know. He is your friend as well. You're not as bad as you think… most of the time." Lily pointed out attempting to lighten the mood a little, but Marlene only rolled her eyes.

"He did that for you… which means somewhere along the way, you decided I was worth saving. And I wanted to thank you for that."

Marlene pinned Lily down with her willful stare, but she was smiling and her wolfish eyes were soft with feeling. It wasn't her tone of her look that completely froze Lily over: it was the words, their meaning, the meanings behind them. It was Marlene admitting to them.

"You're welcome." Lily said softly, wrapping her hand around Marlene's wrist the way Marlene was holding hers. "Let's just not make a habit of it." she added, making Marlene smile.

"You saving me, or me thanking you?"

Lily narrowed her eyes on her friend. "I was talking about you needing to be saved actually."

"Oh man, you're so milking it right now!" Marlene drawled, jumping down from the bed and climbing on the one right next to it. "You had to sweep in and save the day _one time_, and you're already complaining about work hours!"

"Right, because the things you like to do on your free time are _so_ safe. Those potions you like to experiment with could land you in the hospital wing in a blink of an eye if you so much as breathe on them wrong." Lily pointed out.

Then she saw Marlene sit up on the bed and stand there and the curiosity was finally too much to ignore.

"_What_ are you doing?"

Marlene smirked. "You said you wanted to get out of this wing."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Yeah… So I repeat myself, what are you doing?"

Marlene's smirk got wider and the mischievousness in her eyes twinkled. "Well, you are going to be released in a couple of hours, but if it were up to Madame Ponfrie, _I'd_ stay locked in here for another two days. So I'm gonna make her change her mind about keeping me."

Which was impossible. Madame Ponfrie was nothing if not fanatic when it came to her patients. Marlene chuckled as if she had read Lily's mind.

"Even the most dedicated Healer has such a thing as a patience limit." Marlene explained with certainty. "Trust me, I should know. I'm an expert in finding and crushing it to dust."

Lily wasn't sure if she liked the idea of going anywhere near an irritated Madame Ponfrie, but she liked the idea of being holed in here for even five more minutes even less. Besides, Marlene was making it sound intriguing… and fun!

"What are we doing?" She said as she stood up on her bed like Marlene was doing. Marlene smiled widely like a fox and started jumping up and down and squealing with laughter. Lily smiled and joined her.

It took Madame Ponfrie 45 seconds to kick them out without too many ceremonies.

°o°o°o°o°o°

"If today is supposed to be a cool day than I am the reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe." Marlene huffed as she put the shopping bags down at the feet of the bench park and sat herself on it, stretching her legs with a groan. They had been roaming Oxford Street for over four hours…

"God, I'm so… so unreservedly exhausted!" Lily moaned as she sat herself right night to Marlene and went utterly slack on the beck, seeming as if he had fainted.

A little smile pulled at one corner of Marlene's lips.

"Remind me again whose idea was this?" Lily groaned and this time Marlene chuckled.

"I believe it was one of _your_ most brilliant ones." Marlene responded, playfully splashing her friend with some of the freezing water she was drinking, making Lily yelp in surprise and sit up straight again.

Lily glared, but then ticked her tongue out and dove to steal the bottle from Marlene, like a kitten playing with her favorite toy. Marlene quickly put it out of her reach and they struggled for a few seconds, between squeals and bursts of laughter as passersby glanced at them curiously and then looked away with a rueful smile or disapproving headshake.

Finally Lily managed to get the bottle from her friend and drank in big gulps. She was parched it seemed.

"Easy, you'll get a stomach-ache." Marlene said quietly. Lily only hummed. She then leaned back and, using Marlene's thighs as a pillow, she made herself comfortable, lying on the bench, her bony feet dangling off it.

It was a good thing that Marlene had convinced her to change from her dress and into shorts before going out, Lily though. With a dress, she'd never be able to really sit comfortably.

And sit comfortably they did. There was a small breeze brushing through the trees of the park, and it felt even cooler against their sweaty skin. After three years of friendship, both girls were very well able of sitting together without saying nothing, simply enjoying the silence and each other's unobtrusive company.

"Do you think your brother meant what he said?" Lily asked and it was obvious in her tone that she was tentative.

Marlene's eyes fixed on one spot and she did not look down on Lily when she answered.

"Charlie always means what he says."

At Marlene suddenly so somber tone, Lily sat up to better look at her friend.

"Do you agree with him?" she asked, even more cautiously.

Just like that, Marlene's fierce eyes were on her and Lily felt the depth of the emotion swirling there, she felt the anger and indignation burning bright and hot like blue flame.

"No Lily, I don't." Behind every world there was the heaviness of true conviction, the directness of utter honestly. But then the edge that always made Marlene look predatory like a hungry wolf softened, and her eyes cooled, now warming and not burning. Her entire expression shifted.

"Lils, my father is a very powerful man. And he has very powerful enemies, who would stop at nothing to hurt him. Charlie knows that and that's why he was so… tactless last night. We McKinnons are all a bit paranoid – it's a family thing." Marlene added with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood. But Lily was not appeased.

She had been very disturbed to learn that there threats against Marlene's and her brother's life were common, but what had shocked Lily was that according to Charles, she was possible weak link. Lily was the only one that had 'access' – as Charles had put it – to private information on Marlene's life. She was the only one close enough to Marlene to be able to do 'uncontrolled damage'.

Uncontrolled, as it were, because Marlene resolutely refused every attempt of her families to meddle into that part of her life and especially in Lily's life.

"I don't mind them checking up on me you know. It's not like I have anything to hide." Lily said clearly, and Marlene rolled her eyes, clearly irritated.

"They haven't, that you should know. I wouldn't allow my father to dig into your life as if you were some petty criminal. It's immoral even for us." Marlene said and there was such passion in her tone and words that Lily was taken a little aback. Particularly by the words she chose.

_…even for us…_

"How can you be so sure? Your father doesn't report to you, does he?"

The way that slow smirk appeared on Marlene's face was a sure sign of trouble – Lily had learned that much by her time with her. In fact, the signs of mischief were the first that Lily had learned to read on her friend's face.

"I have my own ways of learning about my father's business." Marlene said slowly, calmly, but that calm did not last long. She was as changeable as a summer storm: quiet one moment and then rampant the next.

"That's not the point. I know you don't, but that is so _not_ the point _at all_." And when Marlene turned to look at her, she was so emotional that for a moment Lily thought this was the closest to teary-eyed she had ever seem Marlene.

"I don't want to ruin this. You're my friend Lily… you're my best friend and I don't who I am to ruin this for me." Marlene looked away, her eyes darting from one spot to another and Lily knew better than to speak in that moment because usually, Marlene looked to agitated only when she was about o disclose something very close to her, something that involved a lot of emotions and Marlene had never been very good at expression those.

So Lily gave her all the time she needed.

"I am a constant burden to my family. They have to keep tabs on me, know what I do, where I am, who I'm with. Visits to the Healers, constant medications… inability to fit into their world, but impossible to find my place anywhere else. I'm the black sheep Lils. They love me, dearly, but it's obvious that I make life a lot harder for them."

Marlene took a deep breath and when her eyes fixed on Lily's, they were still, unafraid. Unwavering.

"You're the only piece of normal in my life. The things we talk about, the time we spend together, the things we do together – like this shopping thing today!" Lily chuckled and Marlene returned it with a smile. "It's the only part of my life that could be lived by anyone, anywhere. That it's not so specific to _me_."

"I like that. I like that a lot." Marlene angled her head a little to the right, her ebony hair falling off one shoulder. "I don't want it to be tainted by the rest of my existence."

Marlene paused and took a shuddering breath, and then looked up again, eyes careful and intent. Focused. "I don't want you to be involved in anything that has to do with my family. Keeping you as a friend is dangerous enough as it is."

Lily finally found her voice, and exasperation.

"You always say that. You've been saying that to me for years, but I never understood what you mean and you always refuse to explain. I know who your family is Marlene, that doesn't have any bearing to my being your friend." Lily took a deep breath and then looked Marlene over with a semi-critical eye

"Your vocabulary, temper and occasional aloofness might, but that's another story." She added and Marlene smiled ruefully. But there was a sad glint in her eyes as she gave Lily a knowing look.

"What you know is what everyone else knows. There's a lot more to that." Marlene said cautiously and Lily knew that she had to tread very carefully because the topic of family was always like a minefield when it came to the McKinnons.

"Things that make your father fear for the lives of his children?" Lily asked honestly, choosing the very first question that came into her mind, because she wanted Marlene to know that she had doubts, but she was not hiding them in piles inside her head.

Marlene snorted. "Did you know that Charlie's first camping trip was with an America Navy Seals instructor?"

Lily was completely taken aback by the question. What did that have to do with anything?

Apparently her confusion showed, because soon Marlene clarified.

"The training it takes to become a Navy Seal is one of the most excruciating in the world – that's why my father was so specific in his choice of instructor. Every summer from when he was 13 to when he reached 18, Charlie has gone away from home for 1 month and learning how to survive without magic in extreme conditions. How to defend himself from extreme situations even with the most rudimentary means."

The statement hung in the air between them in a very ungraceful way. There was a heavy pause during which Lily didn't really know what to say.

"Henry didn't want to follow through as long as Charlie did, but he couldn't avoid it for about four years. The boys also take dueling classes outside school and… well, we do a lot of things outside school."

There was some hidden meaning behind those words but Lily honestly couldn't guess at it. Mostly because she was thinking about something else.

"_We_… that means you too?" Lily asked in a whisper.

"Yeah. I've been doing the same thing as Charlie for every summer, 2 months in a row, since I was 12. I want you to know this, so that you may understand what kind of people you're dealing with here." Marlene said plainly as she looked at Lily with a strength that was so characteristic of her, as if just by staring so intently she was going to drive her point home.

"Is that where you're going this summer? The trip that you told me about, is this it?"

Marlene had not missed the way Lily's eyes had widened when she had begun talking about her extra-curricular activities. They had remain that way: wide and attentive, inhaling every word, but though there was awe, surprise and even a hint of excitement in her wonderfully jade eyes, there was no condemnation. No judgment.

Marlene smiled faintly. "Yes. We're going to eastern Alaska, and then Iceland. I'm going to train along the coast with another group of students."

Lily exhaled a long breath and looked at her friend for a few more moments, trying to process. Then a small, deliberate smile arched her plum lips.

"You're not boring, I'll give you that…" Lily breathed out, causing Marlene to chuckle openly, freely.

"What do you learn about, during these… these trips?"

Marlene shrugged. "A lot of a lot of things." She said vaguely.

Lily raised one eyebrow. "Like knife-throwing?"

Marlene looked at her though her thick lashes and the smile she was wearing made her look like a night-predator, ready to pounce. "No, I learned that from Charlie. I've always had a fixation for knives, ever since I was a child."

Lily feigned relief. "Oh well, that's _so_ much better…"

Marlene smirked, amused.

"I learn about the stars and how to travel through them, sailing, mountain climbing, hunting. I always follow a very intense physical training."

"That's how you're in such good shape?" Lily interrupted.

"It's about beings strong, not skinny. Skinny means weak and weak means dead." Marlene said and her tone was so matter of fact that Lily instinctively recoiled from the very idea of such harshness.

"That's intense." She murmured. Marlene nodded.

"I know. Henry learned all he needed to and stopped. Charlie extended his program because he wanted to be an Auror, and later on who knows, but still, he wants to be part of the Law Enforcement unit, so all the training was like preparatory course for him."

"And you… why do you keep going on these summer camps?" Lily asked in a breathy voice.

Marlene smiled at her choice of words.

"They make me feel strong, and I need that. I need to feel capable of taking care of myself even though I can't do much magic. And of course, my father wanted all of us to be able to take care of ourselves should the need present itself."

Those words were so formal that Lily knew Marlene was quoting her father world for word.

"Should the need present itself in what way?" She asked, a little fearful of the answer. The world Marlene lived in seemed so alien all of a sudden, so frightening. And all at once, Lily understood that maybe this had been Marlene's intention: to make her uncomfortable, to make her realize how different her life was from Lily's and basically everyone Lily knew.

"In whatever way. One prepares in advance because one doesn't know what awaits behind the corner, Lily." Marlene said with a smirk, but Lily didn't want to be sidetracked by that attempt of humor.

"I don't think I understand your point Marlene. Not that I don't appreciate it, but why exactly are you telling me this?"

Marlene's eyes softened and her shoulders hunched a little. "I don't want you to think badly of us. Generally, I don't give a shit what anything thinks, but… you're my friend, and I guess… I guess I want you to understand me, my family." Marlene swallowed and it looked like she had more to say, but her brows pulled together forming a little wrinkle on her forehead.

"If you have people that love you and that know us a little better than the general public does, they are probably going to tell you to keep as far from me as possible. I known Severus is of that idea, for one." Marlene said pointedly and looked to up to pin Lily with her steely eyes.

Lily was about to argue, but knowledge in Marlene's gaze was so obvious that there would have been no point in defending Sev's words. He hadn't really meant any harm. He had just said that maybe getting too close to Marlene was not very wise, considering that Severus knew a little more intimately – from the talk of his housemates – the kind of people and business the McKinnons were involved with.

"He just thinks that…"

"I know what he thinks." Marlene snapped, her mood blackened just like that. "And I know why. He is not wrong… but he is not right either. I am not going to let you get mixed up in my family's business and I won't let anything bad happen to you because of me. That is a promise."

Little did Marlene know that she would have to break that promise… and break it over and over again, starting with so much sooner than they both realized.


End file.
